While we're all different, unique, special and spectacular (or so our mothers tell us), in some ways, we're all exactly the same. Without trying too hard, I can think of two things we all have in common:

1. We all want to be happy.

2. We all want to create positive change in some area of our life - which is really driven by point one anyway.

Okay, I can give you one thing; a desire to find happiness.

See... the same.

Not Seeking Misery

Of course we might all pursue happiness in different ways and from different sources but the bottom line is that none of us are actively seeking misery. Sure some of us are creating it, but that's a discussion for another day.

Why do so many of us immerse ourselves in personal and professional development programs, books, workshops, websites, CD's... etc.? Because we want to create a better version of us, that's why. Of course "better" means different things to different people; richer, more attractive, more desirable, more educated, more productive, more balanced, more aware, more spiritual, more enlightened, more fulfilled, less stressed, less angry, kinder, healthier... the list is endless. As are the reasons for chasing those things.

Well strictly speaking, that's not true. Perhaps I should think before I write.

The Same Reason

There's actually only one reason we chase all those different things (from a smaller arse to spiritual enlightenment and everything in between); on some level we believe that the "getting" of those things will make us happier. Of course we believe that, otherwise we wouldn't bother sacrificing our time or energy. None of us are gonna work hard to achieve something that we believe (1) will make no positive difference to our life or (2) will make us more miserable. That's why we set goals, chase dreams, create plans and do all this "stuff" - to find happiness.

See; all the same. Seekers of happiness.

Happy for Life

So I guess the challenge isn't really knowing what we want because we know that already; it's knowing what will make us truly happy. Happy for life. On that note, who's chasing the fleeting kind of happiness? Momentary nirvana? Put up your hand if that's you. You know; the temporary change of emotional state that might come with eating some chocolate cake, buying some new clothes, winning some money or being paid a compliment. Okay let me see, that's.. er... zero hands.

Clearly, not what we want.

Of course we're not after some momentary high and given the option, we would all prefer the kind of lasting happiness, contentment and true joy that seems to work from the inside out; not the other way around. Some would suggest (and I'm one of the some) that lasting happiness can only be the result of internal change. While our external reality impacts on our life in a practical and significant way, it will never be the sole determinant of life-long happiness.

When "Success" Doesn't Equal Happiness

The world is full of people who have achieved their goals (some of them anyway) - only to find themselves miserable. Perhaps this is because they set the wrong goals and/or they had misguided beliefs about what the realisation of those goals might bring to their life or do for their state of mind. On some level they may have had a belief and expectation that when they looked a certain way, owned certain things or accumulated enough money, fame and respect... that then they would be happy. This thinking is a sad reflection of a society that so often talks spiritually and philosophically (we love to appear deep and spiritual) but all too often behaves selfishly, ignorantly and worships the superficial and the temporal.

A Quick Guide...

Having money - Handy. Practical. Useful. Overall, a good thing. Money is a practical resource, not a solution to emotional, psychological, social, marital or spiritual issues.

Worshipping Money - Destructive. Dysfunctional. Stupid.

Being in great shape - Desirable. Smart. A great achievement.

Deriving our sense of self entirely from our appearance - Unhealthy. Destructive.

Looks like Happiness but Isn't

One of the ironies of our culture is that many (not all) of the people who are worshipped and considered to be the poster boys and girls for success (because of their looks, fame, money, achievements, commercial endeavours) are often amongst the most dysfunctional, miserable, medicated and lonely people. Why? Because all that "stuff" doesn't make anyone happy. Ever. They spend years missing the point and looking for happiness where it can't be found. Yes, it can provide a temporary distraction and momentary high but it can never create the type of lasting inner contentment, peace, calm and joy we're talking about today. That's why there will always be another deal to clinch, pound to lose, dollar to earn, outfit to buy, property to acquire and compliment to chase because the type of happiness those things deliver is short-lived. That kind of pursuit is all about the ego and as we know, the ego is an insatiable master. When the momentary high fades (which it will), the chase will have to start all over again - and that slippery slope can be a very tiring, stressful and ultimately destructive path to choose.

Where will You Find it?

So my question to you today is not what do you want - we know that - but where will you find it? Where will you really find it and are you looking in the right place or are you driving at a million miles per hour in the wrong direction? Perhaps once you stop chasing it, it will find you.

As I've shared with you before, our Buddhist friends believe that happiness doesn't come from the "pursuit of happiness" but rather the "letting go of that which makes us unhappy".

Right, I'm off to find myself a Kaftan. Possibly something in a burnt orange.

Do they come in an XXL?