Sometimes we give things labels so we know what's inside.

Imagine going to a supermarket and finding thousands of boxes, cans and bags on the shelves with no labels on them. You wouldn't know if you were buying a can of soup or a can of dog food. A box of Corn Flakes or some washing powder.

Or imagine going to a hospital where nobody wore name tags and every employee wore the exact same uniform... you might get your tonsils ripped out by the cleaner.
Okay, perhaps not.

And it's the 'people' labels (the ones we give and get) which impact on us personally.
Positively and negatively.
Emotionally and psychologically.
Significantly.
Some of them are nice.
A lot aren't.
Some of them scar us.
And scare us.
We all have one
Or several.
Whether we like it or not.
And we give them to others.
Yep... even you.

Sometimes we're nasty.
Or nice.
Sometimes we alternate.
Sometimes we are champions at finding fault in others but seemingly incapable of acknowledging (or addressing) our imperfect, flawed selves.

Good, bad or indifferent, we label people every day.

"That grumpy man from next door is rude..."

"Oh yes, she's the academic one; the brain of the family.."

"Have you seen that new fat teacher with the funny lips.... so weird"

"Yeh, Sam will fix it for you.. he's Mr Fix-it.."

"Have you seen that un-coordinated kid with the red hair trying to kick the ball.. so not a soccer player"

And while it's important that we don't obsess about what people think of us, it is also important that we do have an awareness of how other people perceive us in our daily life (work, home, general conversation, socially.. etc).

Is it possible for you to be seen as arrogant, when in fact you're not? Yep.
Or stupid when you're actually shy? Yep.
Or weird when you're creative and clever? Yep.

So... here's a short list of some of the labels I've been given over my journey.

Spoiled only child, Trainer, Jumbo, Motivator, Dickhead, Funny, Arrogant, Fat, Fit, Muscular, Intense, Politically-Incorrect, Creative, Driven, Perfectionist, Blogger, Writer, Radio Guy, Media Fitness Bloke, Intimidating, Drill Sargent, Sensitive, Insensitive, Interesting, boring.

And that's the short list!!

A few years ago I did a presentation where (as I do) I happened to do a ten second impersonation of a friend of my who is an aerobics teacher... and happens to be gay.
Anyway, it was all in good fun and in the context of what we were discussing. My friend certainly wouldn't have been offended as it wasn't (intended to be) offensive.

However... (you knew that was coming right?)... while most people were amused and entertained, a lady up the back saw it differently.
After my presentation she informed me that I was an ignorant, arrogant, stupid homophobe.

And while I didn't believe that I was (an ignorant, arrogant, stupid homophobe), after I spoke with the fat, silly old cow... the lady (don't write to me.. I'm being silly), I understood how and why she came to the conclusion she did.

She wasn't right (okay.. maybe the stupid bit) but the labels she gave me made complete sense when I learned a little about where she had come from (emotionally and experientially) and her thinking and beliefs.
So in a way, she was right.
You with me?

I have since learned that when I talk to audiences I need to negotiate and anticipate particular responses to certain communication and teaching styles and certain subject matter.
I need to understand that my truth (perspective, thinking, ideas, beliefs) won't hit a home run with everyone... and that's ok.
This doesn't mean that I compromise my message or beliefs, it means I am wise (mostly) in how I present my message.
How I choose to communicate.

And then sometimes I'm just flat-out offensive.
Still working on that.

One of the fun things (not) about being a professional speaker is that quite often my audiences are required to complete feedback forms (on my performance) at the end of the presentation.
If you have a tendency to be somewhat precious or easily offended, don't become a speaker... or lose the preciousness (a word).

As the forms are anonymous, people don't typically hold back.
They have no reason to water down their thoughts.

And while it ain't always a fun process (to be told you're crap), it's been great for my personal and professional development for me to know how people perceive me as a speaker, teacher, motivator, coach... bloke (the labels they give me).

Have you ever wondered about the labels you wear?
The ones you know about and the ones you don't?
How others 'define' you when you're not around?
The ones you deserve and the ones you don't?

A few concluding thoughts:

1) We shouldn't spend our lives worrying about what others think or we'll go nuts.

2) But we can try and see ourselves through the eyes of others - it's an interesting exercise, it makes us much more effective communicators and it helps us create much better outcomes in a range of situations and settings.

3) Before you punch someone in the head for a label you're not so happy with, consider that maybe they're at least partly right (crazy concept I know) and if they are, don't languish in self-pity or anger.. do something constructive to earn a different label.
I've had some labels I didn't want but when I stepped back from the emotion of the moment... they were one hundred percent accurate.
So I decided to learn and change.

4) Be careful how you label people (especially kids).
It's more of a responsibility than you may realise and sometimes we do it without even thinking.

5) You and I have enough of our own 'stuff' to work on.
We shouldn't have the time or the mindset to (negatively) pigeon-hole others.
Even... if they deserve it.
Being a critic hurts you more than anyone else.
It's morally, spiritually and emotionally carcinogenic.

6) Some people will label you unfairly no matter how hard you try.
That's life.
And people.
Deal with it and continue to work on you.
Change the stuff you can and don't waste time or energy on the stuff you can't.

Labels: motivation, personal development, self help