It's about learning to ask the right questions.
The questions that lead us to a better place.

For some of the people that I have worked with over the years, every day seems to be a never-ending series of problems, catastrophes and less-than-desirable outcomes. They are perpetual victims and every situation, circumstance an/or event is accompanied with, or followed by, the inevitable negative, woe-is-me, self-talk and dis-empowering questions.

They are masters of the "why me?" conundrum; the questions which invariably lead them to self-pity, inactivity, frustration and emotional, psychological, spiritual, social, financial and professional (career) stagnation.

If only they would look for solutions not problems.

If only they would ask the right questions; the one's which can potentially change their lives for the better.

So many times in our lives we are an inch away from amazing but we don't know it.
And so often, it's those moments when we feel a million miles form where we wanna be.. that we're actually the closest... but we let our feelings get in the way of our possibilities.

If only we would ask different questions.

Questions which put us in a different state.
Which in turn get us to do different things.
Which in turn produce different results!
Bingo.

"Why does this always happen to me?" becomes "What am I doing to create this?."

"Why was I given these genetics?" becomes "What can I do to maximise my genetic potential?"

"Why is he such an ignorant butt-head?" becomes "How do I need to communicate with this person to create the best outcome?"

"Why is my boss such hard work" becomes "I wonder what it's like to deal with these issues from her position?" or "I wonder what I can do to make things better?" or "I wonder how I am contributing to the problem?"

"When is it ever gonna happen?" becomes "When am I gonna make it happen?"

"When will things finally go my way?" becomes "when will I stop feeling sorry for myself and stop being a lazy, self-indulged, pain-in-the-ass who does nothing to create a better reality?"
(Yes, harsh... but in my opinion, often appropriate).

We can tip-toe around issues like this, we can get all super PC, we can hold hands and sing folk songs and tell each other... "I understand your pain" till we're blue in the face... but until we stop enabling people in their pathetic, destructive, woe-is-me attitudes and behaviours, we will be part of the problem.
When I mentor people I am empathetic and understanding but I am honest, I am blunt and I am all about creating positive, forever change.
Real help doesn't come from getting on board someone's emotional roller-coaster or pity-party. No, it comes from helping them to embrace and implement practical, proven, behavioural principles and change techniques.

I'm not interested in making someone feel better for ten minutes by telling them what they want to hear... only to let them walk out the door and back into the same destructive habits, behaviours and self-talk.
Sometimes people who think they're being loving (by tolerating people's constant negativity) are actually enabling them to continue down their destructive path.
Don't confuse being nice with being loving.
Nice lasts for five minutes.

So... do you find that needle in the haystack or have you learned to ask the right questions?

Labels: motivation, personal development, self help