Motivational Speaker - Craig Harper

Who Am I? (Part 2)

2009-05-27T08:51:00.003+10:00

Before We Get Started

For some of you, today's post may be a little philosophical, left of centre and possibly even confusing. For others it will feel like you've put on a comfortable old jumper. Which ever group you fall into, do your best to have an open mind and to seek learning. For those of you who find it "all a bit weird", rest easy in the knowledge that I'll be back soon with a good old-fashioned motivational head kicking. Also, a big thanks to you guys for all your input on yesterday's post; some great suggestions for changing the way we get to know people. I might take some of your ideas for a spin this weekend at RYL. And to Lisa (from Sweden) and Kimmy (from NSW) if you both send me your details I'll see that Boy Wonder sends you each a copy of my Renovate Your Body DVD for your great contributions. Thanks.

Okay, I know What I'm Not

So if I'm not my job, my accomplishments, my IQ, my reputation, my education, my big biceps or my bank balance, then who the heck am I? Perhaps I'm just me. Me beyond all that stuff. The me that isn't any of those "things". Perhaps I am the consciousness that knows and understands what I am not. Perhaps I am the awareness that tells me that what I own, do, think or even look like will never change who I am, because who I am never changes.

And You?

And perhaps you are just you. And that's it. Why must we assign you a label or identity other than "you"? Could it actually be so simple? Surely I can't just be me because "me" all by myself isn't enough. Is it? Er, am I? Don't I need to be "me the (insert impressive label)". And if I'm not enough, then the obvious question is... not enough what? Lovable enough? Desirable enough? Smart enough? Rich enough?

Yes I am enough. And so are you.

Letting Go

This awareness and realisation (that you are enough) comes not from a place of ego, but rather one of enlightenment. And consciousness. Of simply being. Of letting go of what we're not. Of not striving. Of not seeking approval. Of not seeking to identify self with things. Of not trying to "be" anything because you can never be anyone but you; your true self. Sure you can do different things, put on different clothes and lose a few pounds but all those changes are physical and temporal, while you are spiritual and eternal. You are much more than a body and a new outfit.

So much more.

A Quick Aside...

By the way, you can't "think" your way to enlightenment and consciousness; if anything, thinking will only get in your way. Thinking serves a purpose to a point and then it becomes a barrier to change and personal transformation. The key is to be able to recognise that point. A shift in consciousness or a step in the direction of enlightenment actually speaks of stepping away from thought and "logic". Logic (often) being a synonym for fear.

Label Obsession

It's true that you and I live in a culture obsessed with labels; and not just product labels, but people labels too; a culture that has confused identity with reality for far too long. The habit we have of labelling creates more problems than it does benefits. The moment we say something like, "I'm the creative one and my sister is the academic one", is the moment we build a barrier to a world of possibilities. It's also the moment we tell ourselves what we are not. Or what we can't be.

The Insecurity Epidemic

It's fair to say that you and I currently live in an epidemic of insecurity. It's also fair to say that many people are in the middle of a (perceived) identity crisis. If people would stop confusing "identity" with self, they would soon experience a lot less anxiety; they are very different things. An identity is not you and never will be; it is a psychological construct and the creation of something we think we want to be. It is a role we play. Take a look around at how desperate people are to find love, acceptance, approval, respect and connection through their identity. "If I inject the muscles of my face with this poison (botox) and fill my lips with this crap (collagen) then I'll be more attractive, desirable and popular (and therefore, happy). Somewhere along the line we have "learned" that, of ourselves, we are not good enough. We have learned that we need to be "more than us".

These are lessons we need to unlearn.

As long as you and I seek to gain security, self-esteem and our sense of self from our job, reputation, appearance, money, etc. (all the external stuff), we will always be insecure and vulnerable because all of those things are temporary and can be taken from us at any time.

So perhaps it's time for you to stop trying to "find" yourself (in other things) and simply start "being" yourself. You might like you.

As always, love to hear your thoughts on this subject, even you long-time Lurkers. Click on the comment link and go crazy.

Ciao x

New "Getting to Know You" Questions

2009-05-26T15:14:00.001+10:00

Hello Groovers

Hope you're all well and annoying the crap out of the naysayers, whingers, whiners, sooks and energy vampires in your world with your incredible attitude, your can-do mindset, your infectious energy and your commitment to excellence... and fun. Of course, excellence without fun isn't excellence at all; it's obsession.

Pretty as a Pitcher Partner

So it's been a pretty big day for me travelling down (and back) to the beautiful coastal resort of Lorne (here in Victoria) to present to the fantastic team from Pitcher Partners. I spent the whole morning with them and we had a great time exploring success principles and being the change in our world. Nice people and a great company. Thankyou Pitcher Partner People. The net result of today's busy-ness is no follow-up post from yesterday's "Who am I" instalment. It will be along soon. Ish. "Just now" as my South African friend says. Which means some time between now and Christmas.

Thank goodness for Sandra

Fortunately, one of our readers (the very lovely Sandra from Virginia in the U.S.) has made a great suggestion for a potential group discussion in the interim and being as her idea makes complete sense, I thought why should I exhaust myself coming up with a meaningful and relevant chat concept when Sandra has done if for me already. I knew there would be an upside to having readers who are smarter than me. Now I know.

A Dumb Theory

Yesterday we spoke of the obsession our society has for assessing people based on things like (1) what we own (2) what we look like (3) what we do (our career) and (4) where we live. Evidence of this mindset can be seen in any social setting where people are connecting for the first time. "So what do you do... where do you live....?" The inference being that by knowing where someone lives and what they "do" then we are discovering who they are. Which is about the dumbest theory ever.

New Questions

But as Sandra suggests, perhaps we could move away from those traditional questions and commit to asking better ones in such situations; ones that don't pigeon-hole people based on which particular boxes they tick. Perhaps as a group we can come up with some questions which could revolutionize the "getting to know you" process. Surely we can do better than "so what do you do?"

Can't we?

This is no easy task so I am keen to hear your thoughts and read your new and improved "getting to know you" questions. I will send a Renovate Your Body DVD to the people who blow my socks (and Ugg Boots) off. It is winter in Melbourne remember.

Start getting creative. Click on the comment link to share your genius.

* I'll be back with part two of "Who Am I" soon.

Who Am I? (Part 1)

2009-05-25T12:52:00.002+10:00

Before the First Bit

Before we get into today's light topic, I want to thank all of you who contributed to Friday's group discussion about the key lessons and truths that we might teach our kids as they grow up. Your thoughts were truly enlightening for me and I'm sure plenty of you learned a little something as well. And to Hellen, Peta and Damian, if you can email Johnny your postal address, I will see that he sends you each a gift for your thoughtful contributions. Today's chat is quite deep, provocative and philosophical, so if you're after a "quick motivational fix", today ain't that day. However, it is a subject that will resonate with many of you and is relevant for all of us - when we're ready. On with the show. Er, lesson.

Me and My Body

Growing up as a fat kid, I identified very strongly with my body. In fact, I'm sure there were times when I thought that I was my body. "Me" and "it" were one and the same; especially when my physical dimensions became my name. Being called "Jumbo" for the majority of my school life gave me a pretty clear picture of who I was; a fat kid. In other people's eyes anyway. I remember being thirteen years old and turning up to play football for the first game of the season. I walked up to the blackboard (yep, it was that long ago) - where the coach would write the team for the day - to see if and where I would be playing. And there Jumbo was; playing on the half back line. Seeing my name up there on the board kind of confirmed who I was - made it official somehow. Amazingly, there was no malice or offense intended by the coach; he was merely calling me what everyone else did.

Fortunately for me, by my late teens I began to realise that I was more than a body, more than a label and more than someone else's opinion of me. Although it's fair to say that my unhealthy relationship with exercise and food continued into my early twenties.

"I'm not a body, it's just where I live"

Tall, Dark, Handsome and Pigeon-Holed

How often have you asked yourself the "who am I" question? Often? Occasionally? Never? What answer did you come up with? Are you still trying to figure it out? Does it matter to you? Are you your body? Your face? Your age? Your career? Your bank balance? Your reputation? Your marital status? You address? Your religious beliefs? Your academic achievements? Your IQ? Your thoughts? Your possessions? Your title? "Er... hello, Dr. Harper, what a handsome, young, clever, creative, wealthy, medium-height, delusional, white male with a shaved head and too many issues to mention you are..."

Thanks for that.

Perhaps we are the sum of those things. Or perhaps we're none of them. Perhaps those things only have the meaning, power and significance that we give them. Perhaps they are distractions that mislead, distract and seduce us further and further away from finding our true selves. Or maybe not.

Group Thinking

You and I live in a culture which likes to define us (tells us who we are) by what we look like, what we own and what we do. Think about it; when you're in a social setting and you meet a person for the first time, what's (often) the first question you're asked? "So Sam, what do you do; where do you work"? Why are you asked this? Because your job tells them who you are. It also tells them how much money you earn, which tells them even more about who they are talking to. Or so they believe. And perhaps it's this group thinking and this propensity that we (the collective we) have for identifying with "things" (things that keep the ego fed by the way) which keeps us at a distance from (1) moving towards enlightenment (2) a shift in consciousness and (3) connecting with our authentic selves. That is, discovering who we are beyond the noise of humanity, the expectations of those around us, the chaos of our mind, the programming of our past and the incessant chatter of our very demanding ego.

Same Story, Different Labels

These days in my world "Jumbo" has been replaced by terms like... "that single forty-something bloke". Clearly not a desirable label (for most people anyway). Strangely, I don't mind it. Apparently being single and in your forties infers a level of dysfunction and inadequacy. Weirdness even. Again, I'm okay with that too. Is it bad that I'll happily admit to a little dysfunction, inadequacy and weirdness? Oh well. And then there's me the Blogger. Me the Fitness Expert. Me the Writer. Me the Speaker. Me the business owner. Me the student of philosophy. Me the spiritual seeker. Me the teacher. Me the motorcyclist. Me the ex-bodybuilder... and the list goes on. But do these labels speak of who I am or simply, what I do? Perhaps they are not me but indicators of what drives me. Which begs the question, is what drives me.... me? The answer is no, but we're getting closer.

A Terrestrial Pit Stop

Perhaps you and I are eternal beings having a temporary pit stop down here on the big blue ball; spiritual beings enjoying a momentary physical experience. That's what most of the major religions teach anyway. Perhaps in the context of eternity - which is timeless - the thing we refer to as our "life" is a mere heartbeat of our on-going journey. Or perhaps our eighty years (or so) on planet Earth is it; the whole deal. When asked, most people will say that they believe we don't just die and turn into worm food. "There's gotta be more than this" is the common refrain. Maybe we say that because on some level we just know that there's more. It doesn't make sense logically or scientifically but somehow we just know. Or we believe we do anyway. Or perhaps we say it because the idea of this (physical) life being "all there is", is just too uncomfortable and terrifying for us to consider.

Life After Life?

When it comes to the age-old debate of what happens after our physical death down here on Terra Firma, we can speculate, theorise, hypothesize, philosophise, rationalise and argue till the cows come home (when is that by the way?) but we can't actually know. If we had absolute, indisputable, irrefutable knowledge then we wouldn't need faith because as we all know (or we're about to know), faith is believing in something that we can't prove. Yes, we can know what we think, we can know what we believe, and we can know what we expect but we can't know with absolute certainty what happens once we die because unless there's some important fact that I'm over-looking, at this point in time neither you or I have experienced physical death. Okay, I have digressed from today's topic a little with this paragraph... but hey, what's new?

I'll finish part one of this little exploration with some wisdom from one of my faves...

"The ultimate truth of who you are is not I am this or I am that, but I Am" Eckhart Tolle

Now that we've (kind of) established who we aren't, next time we'll see if we can discover who we are. If your head hasn't exploded, I would love to hear your thoughts on this post. Just click on the comment link and spill yer guts. Enjoy your Monday.

Ciao x

Random Friday Stuff

2009-05-22T18:59:00.001+10:00

Sliding into the Weekend

Hello Rock Stars. I hope you're enjoying your Friday and sliding into the weekend with a smile on your dial. I was chatting with someone yesterday who had an amazing ability to complicate the simple and make the easy, hard. What an exhausting (and unnecessary) existence that is. And what an exhausting (and unnecessary) ten-minute encounter that was for me. Make sure you're not that person won't you? No post (as such) today, just a little housekeeping, a few things to fill you in on and a thought-provoking question.

Renovate Your Life

Next weekend (May 29 - 31) is our two-day, live-in RYL program here in Victoria. We still have a few places available, so if you're in need of a little motivation, inspiration, education and transformation, get on board! If you've been "about to change your life" for far too long, then this is the program for you. Learn more about RYL here. Hope to see you there. To my U.S. readers who keep asking me when I'm coming to the States to run a program, we're working on it. I would love to come but there are a few challenges in putting together such an event from a squillion miles away. Having zero profile in your country also makes things a little... tricky. We are considering partnering with someone from the U.S. (individual or organisation) to help make the idea a reality, so (1) if you like what I do here on the site (2) if you have a gift for the entrepreneurial and organisational and (3) if you'd like to explore the possibility of a business partnership (of sorts) with the ex-fat kid, drop me a line via email. It's okay if I stay on your couch right?

Blogging Workshop?

Lately it seems that every man and his dog wants to create their own blog. And why not; it's a great medium for connecting with the masses, it's practical, immediate, fun and free(ish). Every week Johnny and I receive a bunch of emails from people who want help, direction and advice about creating a successful blog. So the Bald Man and I thought that we might combine our collective skills and experience to conduct a three-hour (ish) "Introduction to Blogging" (or something along those lines) workshop. While we will conduct the workshop face-to-face here in Melbourne, we thought we might also run it as a webinar (on-line seminar) so that anyone, anywhere in the world can get involved and sit in our cyber-classroom. It's just an idea at the minute but if there's enough interest, we'll run with it. If you're vaguely interested, email us or let us know via the comments link.

New Site

Speaking of website development... I know it's a long time coming but our new website will be up soon. I've seen the working prototype and it looks freakin' amazing. Not being the tech guy on the team (okay, massive understatement), I didn't really comprehend the magnitude of the task. Apparently transferring nearly a thousand articles, a bunch of videos and several million words from this site to the new one is not a five-minute process. Who'da thunk? Stay tuned.

Question of the Day?

Periodically I will ask a question of the day. This will be an opportunity for some of you to share a little of your own life philosophy (experience, thoughts, ideas) with a large audience (panic not) and to inspire, motivate, educate and possibly enlighten the rest of us. Last Friday we opened the door on the "what gems did your parents teach you as you were growing up" conversation and we got a bunch of great feedback. So off the back of that, today's question is...

Q. What are the three most important (valuable, non-negotiable) lessons that you (as a parent) will teach your children?

Even if you're not a parent, I'm sure you have an opinion. While it's certainly not a competition, I will be sending out a book or three for the contributions that push my buttons. The most.

Have a great weekend guys and share your thoughts on all the above by clicking on the comments link below...

Ciao x

Taking Back Your Personal Power (Part 2)

2009-05-21T08:12:00.000+10:00

Time to Make Waves

In part one of this post we discussed the tendency some of us have to allow situations, circumstances, events and even other people to control our lives; in essence, giving away our power in an attempt to be accepted, valued, appreciated and loved. By trying to "fit in and not make waves" (as someone shared with me recently) it seems that some of us have lost our identity and sense of self. The good news is that we can take back control of our life and still be that kind, generous and thoughtful person - who also happens to be strong, confident, assertive, productive, successful and powerful. And no, we don't need to compromise our beliefs, goals, character or core values to do so. In fact, taking back our power can be the most important step towards living a life of true purpose, alignment (with our core values), integrity and joy.

While the following strategies are very effective, they are not always comfortable or easy to implement, so it's a good thing that you and I are all about doing what works - not what's easy! Not every point will be relevant for every person, so see what resonates for you. Also be warned that I may be a little... er... blunt in places (surprising I know), so if you're feeling a bit presh you may wanna read from behind a cushion (like in a scary movie). Enjoy.

1. Stop looking for easy and start "doing" effective. Today. All too often our desire to live a comfortable, painless, easy and safe existence (all things driven by fear) is the very thing that kills our potential, our productivity, our ability to develop and ultimately, our spirit. It is no coincidence that we (the society) have both (1) a widespread aversion to anything that makes us uncomfortable and (2) a high percentage of people who regularly feel frustrated, unfulfilled, lost and miserable. Ironically, it is our aversion to working against resistance that stops us from growing, learning, evolving and adapting. Sometimes (in the moment) we believe it's simply easier to just "fit in", to compromise and to bite our tongue. While this is understandable on occasion, over the long term this kind of behaviour and thinking will set us up for unhealthy relationships, stagnation, disconnection, frustration, desperation and misery. In order to take back your power you will need to be courageous (that's a choice by the way), you will need to be prepared to get uncomfortable (that's where you learn, grow and adapt) and you will need to do things that may piss other people off - perhaps the ones who previously pulled your strings for their own gain.

2. Face your fears. You can never take back your power until you confront the things that scare you. By the way, being fearful does not represent weakness but rather humanity.

"Show me the person who fears nothing and I'll show you an idiot."

*There's also an argument that the person who fears nothing might also be the person who has reached enlightenment... but that's a discussion for another day.

If things only have the power and influence that we assign them (and they do), then fear is something we can control and use for our own personal development. For the most part fear is a completely personal thing. It's not about the situation, circumstance or environment but rather US in it; how we react to, process, cope with and interpret the events in our world. That's why we can see two people doing the exact same thing at the same time (a bungee jump for example); one is excited and having a great time, while the other is terrified and having the worst time ever. That's because it ain't about the jump; it's about the jumper. Keeping in mind that each jumper creates his or her own reality. Of course there are healthy fears - not wanting to swim with a shark for example - but what we're talking about here are those destructive and unhealthy fears that have been known to make people prisoners of their own mind. For a lifetime.

3. When nice isn't. (Nice)

Seek to be strong not nice. Too many nice people get chewed up and spat out because all they have is a bunch of "nice-ness" and zero personal power. Sometimes nice-ness is actually a euphemism for weakness and far too often our need to be seen as the "nice person" (oh please) is what brings us undone. Endeavouring to keep everyone in your world happy is an exercise in futility, frustration and exhaustion. And stupidity. In short, it can't be done. It's not your job to "make" people happy; it's your job to be you. And not the "you" that people want you to be, but rather, your authentic self. The one who has clarity, certainty, contentment and calm about who and what they are. And no, being you does not mean being selfish.

4. Stop being a victim.

The world isn't fair. The majority don't care about you or your issues. Shit happens. Bad things happen to good people. And lots of people are selfish and nasty. There; we've cleared that up. Now, stop seeking pity, attention and sympathy and get on with it. Stop having the same pointless discussions about the same issues, stop waiting to be "saved" and stop giving away your power. You don't need universal approval, acceptance or endorsement, you need a different attitude.

5. Win respect through your actions. Talk less, do more. What you do will tell the rest of us far more about who you are than any words that might come out of your mouth. Words are cheap and often meaningless. Most big talkers are just that. And nothing more.

6. Keep re-inventing yourself. Being stagnant and inflexible in a dynamic world is a sure-fire way to become redundant, unnecessary and powerless. While your core values, beliefs and standards might remain constant, it is important that you continue to adapt, learn, grow and develop with your ever-changing world.

7. Value yourself. Stop treating others as though they are of greater worth than you. Nobody is more important than anyone else. And nobody is more important than you. Nobody. This is not about having a massive ego or being self-righteous; it's about stopping all the self-sabotage. You know what I mean. It's about not rationalising mediocrity and failure any more. It's about changing your standards and your thinking. It's about not letting your poor self-esteem get in the way of your potential and your possibilities. It's about not letting your past become your future. In case you don't know or you haven't been told, I will tell you now; you are worthy, you are talented, you are good enough and you are powerful. More than you know. If you don't believe those words then you don't value yourself as you should.

*By the way, power and humility can go comfortably hand in hand.

8. Fiercely protect your brand. Don't associate with people, organisations, situations or products that will damage your reputation. In the professional world (where many of us spend a great deal of our lives) your brand is your power. The stronger your brand, the more power you have (in that world). Prospective employers, potential business associates and customers will all "buy what you're selling" based largely (if not solely) on their perception of you; your product, your service, your ability, your skill, your integrity and your value to them.

The Last Bit

I know that in my last post I said I'd be sharing ten strategies but I ended up amalgamating some of the points, so that's why we've ended up with eight. I'm not short-changing you... honest! Hope this instalment has been of some value to you. As always. I would appreciate your feedback on this post. The comments are important to me as it gives me some insight into the kinds of areas that you want me to explore... so don't be a stranger. Even you chronic Lurkers. Leave a comment by clicking on the link.

Ciao x

Taking Back Your Personal Power (Part 1)

2009-05-19T07:31:00.000+10:00

But I know What's Best for You...

Do you ever feel like you're a mere pawn in someone else's game; a powerless player that is regularly used, abused and manipulated for the gain and self interest of others? Self interest that's often thinly disguised as some kind of action, decision or "plan" that's somehow in your best interest? Isn't it amazing how some people know what's best for their life and yours? If only you and I had the ability to think and choose for ourselves; things could be so different. Have you ever felt like your life (or part of your life) has been taken hostage by someone else's ego, insecurity and/or greed?

Welcome to a very large club.

Manipulators of the Masses

Perhaps you feel like you're trapped in some kind of on-going poker game where you're never dealt any decent cards. As a result you feel like you have no real power or leverage... just the occasional bluff. The truth is, knowingly or not, many of us have given away our personal power (or part thereof) and allowed situations, circumstances and other people to dictate, direct and control our reality for far too long. Some of us have let others tell us what we can do and what we can't do. What we should think. What we should believe. Where we can go. Who we should spend time with. Why we're here. What our future holds and even what our life purpose should be. And because on some level we all want acceptance, approval, connection, security and love (and a whole bunch more), far too often we compromise... and compromise... until we eventually lose the real "us" and become a simulated version of us; looks like you and me - but isn't.

Surrendering of Self

Clearly this "surrendering of self" - that is dreams, goals, ideas, values, beliefs (not to be confused with the Christian notion of "dying to self") - ain't a great personal strategy for my life or yours. So if it's all the same to you manipulators and self-centred control freaks, the rest of us will find our own life purpose, discover our own limits, explore our own potential and keep our personal power. Thanks anyway. Not.

"People can only take our personal power if we give it to them."

Being a humble, generous and occasionally selfless individual is to be admired and respected but being a person who has essentially handed over the reigns of their life is tragic, sad and ultimately terminal. Someone who has given away their personal power is a person who has given away control, hope and happiness.

"It's nice to be nice but it's stupid to be a doormat"

Some people confuse feelings with reality. Not "feeling" powerful doesn't necessarily equate to not "being" powerful. Unless we make it that. For the most part, feelings (read, fear) merely get in the way of our potential, personal power, growth and success. As a rule, our emotions and thoughts are in no way an indicator of our potential or the incredible future we might create and results we might produce if we should choose to use our power rather than give it away; as we have done in the past. Just because you don't "feel" powerful or consider yourself to be powerful doesn't mean that you're not or you can't be; it simply means you're denying your potential and buying into a fear mindset. A feeling is only a feeling and a thought is only a thought until you make them a reality; good or bad.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure." Marianne Williamson

Just to Clarify...

I just re-read what I've written so far and I want to make a few things clear: (1) we give away our power - people can't take it without our permission (2) we allow people and things to have an unhealthy level of control and influence in our life (3) getting angry, bitter and/or resentful at others will fix nothing - although it's totally understandable (4) positive change starts with awareness, understanding and acknowledgement and (5) the situation will change when you change - and you can change any time you like. Now, is that me over-simplifying the complicated or you complicating the simple?

You decide.

The Last Bit...

Even as you read this right now, some of you might be rationalising your less-than-desirable existence and situation (1) to make yourselves feel better (thereby ignoring those buttons I just pushed) and (2) to avoid confronting the things you know you should deal with. My advice? STOP IT! Your world will change, when you do.

You have the ability, you have the understanding and you have the reasons - now find the courage.

Next time I will share ten proven practical strategies to help you shift your reality from power-less to power-ful.

Peace.

Share your thoughts on this post by clicking on the link. Yes, even you long-time lurking scaredy cats in the back cyber row.

Personal Branding

2009-05-18T06:44:00.000+10:00

Before We Get Under Way...

Well we had quite the response to last Friday's post and it's now time to give away a couple of copies of Fattitude to some of our readers. The first copy goes to Steve from California for this little gem:

"My grandfather, Walter, whom I named my son after, used to tell me that stealing a dime was the same as stealing $100 - one made you more wealthy than the other, but they both took away your integrity."

That's gold Steve. Nice work by you and your grandfather.

And the second copy goes to Kevin (from Oz I think) for one of my personal faves:

"If you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always got."

So true Kevin and don't we make that mistake far too often?

If you two fellas can email your postal details to John today (or very soon-ish), we'll get a signed book to you ASAP. And to the rest of you who also shared some of you own personal inspiration with the rest of us, thanks for taking the time and making the effort.

Okay, on with today's instalment...

What's your Brand?

Did you know that like any organisation, product, business or high profile individual, you have your own brand? Yep, we've got Nike, Ford, Britney, Red Bull, Qantas, Apple, Coke and... YOU. Know it or not, like it or not, we all have our own personal brand. You, me, all of us. That is, the way we're perceived by others; our reputation, our image. Your personal brand is something that will have an impact on:

1. Your relationships

2. Your career

3. The opportunities that come your way

4. People's willingness to get involved with you in either a
personal or professional capacity

5. Your income producing potential

6. Your ability to influence others

7. Your ability to open certain doors

Building a Brand

And just as the big players carefully manipulate, manage and massage their brand, perhaps it's time for you to consider the way you're perceived by those you come in contact with. Not so that you might become neurotic and paranoid about "what people think of you" - that's called insecurity and not what we're talking about here - but rather that you might become more aware of how you are generally perceived in your world. Greater awareness leads to greater connection, more productive and meaningful communication, increased opportunities and better outcomes; what we're all about. Having an accurate insight into how we're perceived by others - which the vast majority don't by the way - gives us a distinct advantage over our competition. And yes, we live in a competitive world; just ask the professional speaker who "competes" with other speakers for corporate work on a daily basis. Why would some companies pay $20,000 or more (and they do) for a forty five minute keynote presentation? Because something in the decision makers brain tells her that twenty grand for that particular speaker is a worthwhile investment (no, I'm definitely not the 20K guy). Now that is great branding. A strong brand is a very influential and powerful thing which is why we see people spend $250,000 on a car that they don't need; a car that will depreciate by $50,000 the moment it leaves the showroom floor. Sure they want it - because they have emotionally bought into the brand - but they don't actually need it. If buying a car was a "needs-based" exercise then Porsche would be out of business. However, as it stands they are one of the most successful auto manufacturers in history with arguably the best brand in motoring because the masses have bought into their image which speaks of success, quality, prestige, wealth and desirability.

"A strong brand will make people buy on emotion and not logic; exactly what companies want."

Buying My Brand

When companies (that is, potential clients) contact the agencies who represent me to find a speaker for their conference, in the decision making process they will consider my professional background, my speaking experience, the organisations I've worked with, testimonials from previous clients, the media work I do, my academic qualifications, the way I look, my age, the subject matter I cover in my presentations, my speaking fee and a bunch more; all of which adds up to... my brand. The organisation will then make a decision as to whether or not they will "buy" me and what I stand for. The stronger my brand, the more work I will get and the more the agency will be able to charge for my services.

The Super Babysitter

We can see this type of branding in all areas of life. A friend of mine (Jen) has a sixteen year-old babysitter who works for her on a regular basis - typically around ten to twenty hours per week. While that's not particularly interesting, what is worth knowing is that Jen pays this girl twenty two dollars per hour(!) when most babysitters of the same age are somewhere in the twelve dollar range. When I asked her why she employs the world's dearest teenage babysitter, I was informed that "she's incredible with young kids, completely responsible, professional and reliable and the brats totally love her". Now THAT is a strong brand. Smart girl. This girl's work ethic, track record, attitude and ability has given her considerable leverage in the babysitting market place. Jen also told me that her friends are clamouring for the services of the super-star babysitter. And of course, being protective of her valuable "asset" she won't be handing out that phone number anytime soon. Too funny. "They can keep their hands off her" I was told. When a brand is strong enough, the consumer will totally "buy in" to the product and will often become protective of their preferred brand.

"Perception is an incredibly powerful thing."

Escaping the Pigeon Hole

Over the last ten years I have under-gone my own re-branding process on a professional level; from "Fitness Bloke" to "Personal Development Bloke". A decade ago my brand was pretty much "Fitness Expert". Even though I was working with various organisations and individuals in a much broader capacity than just fitness advice and exercise prescription, the general perception was that I was the fitness guy. This brand presented me with both problems and opportunities; it opened some doors but kept many others closed. In order to be able to do more work with more organisations in a range of capacities (beyond fitness) - and for me to be able to continue my own personal and professional development process - I needed to change the way I was perceived in the market place. And to this point in time that transformation has been relatively successful via the use of things like my work in the media, strategic marketing and of course, this website.

Climbing the Ladder

If one of your goals is to climb the corporate ladder (or any ladder) - or simply to produce better results - but there's a common perception among the people in your world that while you're talented, you're also argumentative, arrogant and self-righteous (for example), then you have something of a branding problem. In order to progress and begin to fulfill your potential you may need to change (1) your employer (2) your behaviour (3) your attitude (4) your brand or (5) maybe the whole lot! Many, many intelligent, gifted and passionate people have under-achieved - in a range of areas, not just their career - because they had a branding problem. Rightly or wrongly, they were labelled into a place of less power, influence, control and opportunity.

Your Brand Now

As I've mentioned already, we don't want to be obsessed with, or preoccupied with what people think of us but at the same time, it is important that we realise that our personal brand - how we are perceived, considered, valued, spoken of - will have a great impact on virtually every area of our life. If people perceive us as untrustworthy, self-centred, egotistical, unprofessional and lacking integrity (just to name a few charming character traits) then they won't want to do business with us, employ us, want us on their team or even to be our friend. If our brand reeks of arrogance and ignorance then they won't respect us or want to listen to us and conversely, if it wreaks of fear, self-doubt and insecurity then we will repel more people and opportunities than we'll attract.

What Works?

If, on the other hand, we present a brand that is synonymous with quality, integrity, reliability, honesty, generosity, kindness, creativity, humility, thoughtfulness and strength then we - and our skills, ideas, knowledge, experience, products, services and talent - will be in demand. Everything you do (and don't do) says something about your personal brand - who you are, who you are not and what you stand for; your communication style, your habits, your values, how you present yourself (grooming), what shape you're in physically, how you deal with different situations and challenges, how you manage relationships, how you resolve conflict, how you interact with your staff/work colleagues/employer/friends, your ability to get stuff done and the results you do and don't produce.

Questions De Jour?

So the obvious questions of the day are...

1. What is my brand? (how am I perceived?)

2. Is my brand an asset or a liability in the pursuit of success?

3. What can I do to create a better brand?

Now I know some of you may be thinking that this all sounds a little strategic and somewhat removed from some of my more spiritual and philosophical offerings. You're right; it is. And that's okay. You and I exist in a very practical world that periodically requires a level of intelligent and strategic thinking and behaviour. Strategy is not synonymous with immorality or evil so panic not. Sometimes it's synonymous with intelligence, awareness and positive change.

Do what you need to.

Feel free to share your thoughts and feedback on this post by clicking on the link below. If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here.

Ciao

Advice From Your Folks; Parental Gold

2009-05-15T21:39:00.002+10:00

Lessons From Ron

When I was growing up my parents always owned businesses; a restaurant, a newsagency and a hardware store, just to name a few. And while Ron (my dad) was never afraid to download some paternal wisdom to yours truly, he rarely advised me in the area of interpersonal skills. Although when he did, there was the occasional gem to be found. I remember when I was a teenager working in the family hardware store he took me aside one day and shared this little treasure with me...

"You can only make one first impression."

So simple, so insightful, so obvious, so valuable and so relevant to so many areas of the human experience. Although in that moment he was talking specifically about the customers in the store, I realised it was actually a general life lesson that he wanted to teach me. I can honestly say that from a personal and professional perspective, it was one of the most important truths the old guy ever taught me and I have done my best to be mindful of that (often overlooked) insight ever since. Next Monday I'm going to expand (significantly) on this lesson from Ron and open the door on the very interesting topic of "Personal Branding"; the way we're perceived by the majority.

Your Turn to do Some Work

I don't really have time to write a (significant) post tonight (it's already after ten on Thursday) so I thought I would make today a group teaching session. That is, I'd like you guys (yep, even you lurkers) to share with us the most valuable lesson (saying, expression, insight, story) your parent/s taught you growing up as a kid. Yep, you're the teacher today. Do your best to keep it to a under a million words (or so).

So click on the link below and share some gold with us. Johnny will send a copy of "Fattitude" to the two best contributions - as voted by our extensive judging panel (him). And yes; to anywhere in the world. Thanks in anticipation and have a great weekend. If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here.

Ciao x

I'm Sorry You're not Sorry.

2009-05-14T15:01:00.001+10:00

"Egos R Us"

Over the years I've worked with some pretty big egos. At times, perhaps I've been one of them. Not too often I hope. Of course the fitness industry, the corporate world, professional sporting teams and the media are certainly not renowned for their shrinking violets or their collective humility. And yessirree, I have found myself in some interesting "discussions" in some interesting situations with some interesting people over my journey and they have all taught me much - knowingly or not. Good and bad. Working with a vast range of personalities, egos and attitudes over two and a half decades has provided me with daily lessons in communication, tolerance, connection, rapport, respect and conflict resolution; kind of like my very own on-going personal development workshop. And yes, big egos exist everywhere, not just on my work CV or in my world. I'm sure you have had similar experiences and learned similar lessons.

An Insatiable Master

Of course some would suggest that we need a certain level of ego to succeed (and others not), but there certainly comes a point where the ego - and its voracious need for attention, approval and superiority - can become completely destructive, not only for the "owner" of the ego, but also for those who happen to stand in its path or have to deal with it on a regular basis. At its best the ego will keep us motivated, focused and productive and at its worst, it will be an insatiable master with the potential to ruin lives.

While there is much to be discussed and many areas to be explored in relation to this topic, today I want to get specific and talk about one important component of the human experience that the ego often struggles with; the apology.

In the words of that great 1950's philosopher Arthur Fonzarelli:

"I was wr... I was wr... I was wr... I was wr..."

Never thought I'd be quoting the Fonz here at me-dot-com but there you go.

In truth, what often stands in the way of us moving to a deeper level of consciousness, insight and awareness - and also creating a greater level of connection and understanding with the people in our world - is two things:

1. Our inability to apologise humbly and graciously (when it's warranted)

You may have noticed that some people never apologise. Perhaps they were born without the apology gene. Or perhaps their ego won't let them. And while they are not particularly pleasant to be around, the person they will hurt the most is themselves. Their arrogance, their insecurity and their fear (which won't allow them to say sorry), will stop them from evolving beyond a point. Emotionally, intellectually, professionally, sociologically and even spiritually their development will be stunted until they find some humility, honesty and self-awareness. They will stagnate (if not go backwards) until they can learn to empathise with and respect the thoughts, beliefs, values and ideas of others. Note that "respecting" doesn't necessarily mean agreeing with or embracing. In some instances saying sorry can be relationship-saving, life-changing and completely cathartic. It has the ability to create an instant shift in dynamics, atmosphere, culture, productivity and even emotional state. A humble and heart-felt apology can open the door to healing, harmony and happiness. Pity we don't do it more often.

But this kind of thinking ain't new; they were talking about this stuff two thousand (plus) years ago...

"Pride goeth before destruction" (Proverbs 16:18) The word pride here could be interchangeable with the word ego.

What a great word "goeth" is. I gotta use it more.

And what about this one...

"Whoever exalts himself will be humbled" (Luke 14:11)

There's a little Old and New Testament gear for you to chew on.

Okay, I'll take my dog collar off now.

An Apology Tip: When you say sorry to someone, do it unreservedly and unconditionally. Don't give an apology that's preceded or followed by an explanation, justification or rationalisation of your less than desirable behaviour or comments. That's more of an anti-apology.

I usually go with something deep and meaningful like:

"I was a complete dickhead and I'm really sorry." The End.

Feel free to use it. It's not copy-written.

2. The need we have to be right

Ever noticed how some people have a need to be right? About everything? All the time? Of course some subjects evoke a certain level of enthusiastic...er... debate - politics, religion, sport, the best diet, the best exercise philosophy, the best health strategy, the best way to get rich... and so on. However, as long as we go into any process, conversation, negotiation or social situation with a "need to be right" then (1) we can't create an optimal outcome (2) we can't create rapport (3) we can't even consider another perspective or opinion and (4) we close ourselves down to a myriad of positive outcomes; productive communication, learning, personal growth and connection to name a few.

By the way...

Contrary to what many people think, apologising is actually a sign of strength not weakness, while an inability to apologise is often a sign of weakness and insecurity. Genuine humility is a demonstration of honest self-awareness and emotional and spiritual maturity, while the need to be right speaks of fear and immaturity.

Hope that helps.

See you tomorrow. I must goeth.

Love to hear your thoughts and feedback on this post. You can do that by clicking on the link below. If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here.

Ciao x

Life Doesn't Get Better; We Do.

2009-05-12T07:20:00.000+10:00

Difficult is about Mindset not Situation

Last night (writing this Monday night) I watched a story on Sixty Minutes about a young navy diver named Paul De Gelder (pictured below with a reporter) who was attacked by a shark in the middle of Sydney Harbour three months ago. I'm sure a bunch of you Aussies watched the story also. Paul lost his right leg above the knee, right hand and part of his right forearm in the attack. The Sixty Minutes interview was an opportunity for him to recount his story and for us viewers to take a peek at his gruelling recovery process from the safety of our comfy couches. Only it wasn't. Gruelling that is. In fact it was surprisingly... er... ungruelling. A little gorey at times but not gruelling. If I had to label his recovery and rehab journey, I'd probably go with uplifting. Inspirational. Exceptional even.

Choosing Exceptional

Fortunately for you and I (and Paul), "exceptional" is an option that's available to all of us, all of the time. That's because producing the type of outcomes that most won't isn't about situations, circumstances, luck, fate, chance or even ability; it's about choosing to do what most won't - thereby being the exception to the majority. Choosing exceptional and producing amazing results is certainly not limited to tough blokes who have been attacked by sharks. Being exceptional, doing exceptional and creating exceptional outcomes all stems from having an exceptional mindset, which in turn produces exceptional choices, behaviours and results. Simple really. Until we make it hard. As we often do.

Here's how it works:

1. An exceptional mindset (attitude, thinking, reaction) is an option for all of us. We can find the good or we can inhabit the bad (as many do). We can be the solution person or the problem person. We can be proactive or reactive. We can be the light in the darkness or the darkness in the light. And we can be the victor or the victim. For most of us our mind is our reality, so we best take charge of it. Good or bad, hard or easy, terrifying or exciting is determined by us and us alone.

2. With a better mindset comes better decisions. The ones that many would avoid. The uncomfortable but necessary decisions. The logical and not the emotional.

3. With better decisions comes better behaviours and habits. Put simply, we do better. Always a good thing.

4. And with better habits and behaviours comes better results. What we want. Of course.

"We can't always control what happens to us or around us, but we can control how we respond."

Annoyingly Positive

How on earth can the recovery process from a shark attack that robs you of a hand, part of your forearm and a leg (things we really prefer to keep) be anything but gruelling, horrible and distressing? Well, apparently it can. In fact, if you really want it to be, it can be interesting and dare I say, fun. Just ask Paul who seemed to be annoyingly happy, positive, logical and proactive about doing what needs to be done. Of course it's about now that the cynics might say something like "well that's because he's in denial and he's not dealing with reality". And I would say to those purveyors of gloom... that's why you're cynics and Paul's controlling what he can, letting go of what he can't and getting on with the business of living. He is indeed being the change in his world. The shark could never take his courage, his determination or his ability to choose what he does with what he's got. Attributes like courage, determination, self-control, focus and optimism can never be taken from us - but we can choose to give them away.

Justifiable Misery

If only someone would remind Paul that he "deserves" to be angry, resentful, bitter and full of self-pity; justifiable misery we might call it. What's with all that happiness and positivity stuff anyway? If anyone could rationalise some serious self-pity, it's this bloke. Apparently he's not interested. Weird. I know a bunch of people who could give him a serious lesson (or ten) in self-inflicted pain and misery. People who can milk a common cold or a sore toe for months. People who think that adversity is waiting in a queue for two minutes. Attention-seeking, self-indulgent sooks who wouldn't know real pain if it slapped them over their precious heads.

"I don't care what you've got; I care what you do with what you've got."

Sometimes life doesn't get better; we get better.

Love to hear your thoughts and feedback on this post. You can do that by clicking on the link below. If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here.

Ciao x

Thoughts on Exercise (Audio Post)

2009-05-11T18:19:00.001+10:00

Hi Guys.

Hope you had a great weekend, especially you gorgeous mums (moms). I also hope there was a little pampering to be enjoyed and that you all had a great Mother's Day. Today's post is of the Audio variety and in it I explore why so many of us invest so much time and energy into our exercise programs for so little in the way of (positive) results... and what we can do to create a better outcome (of course).

A Little News for Budding Authors...

Wanna write your first book? A good friend of mine and accomplished author, Andrew Jobling, is running a two-part workshop on that very subject commencing this Thursday (May 14) at the Harperdome (my centre) in Brighton. If you're interesting in finding out more or booking a place click here.

To listen to today's post, click on the link below...

Monday11May2009.mp3

Ciao x

Leave a comment by clicking on the link below. If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here.

A Tribute to a Friend

2009-05-08T10:05:00.001+10:00

Hi Guys

I apologise for the lack of posts over the last few days but as weeks go, this has been a tough one. I'll be back in full flight on Monday to poke, prod, challenge and dare you to greatness. Or at the very least.... positive change in your world!

My Buddy Dicko

Yesterday was a very emotional day for me (writing this Thursday); I attended the funeral of one of my best friends; Rob Dickson (see pictured with family). I'm pretty sure I lost half my body-weight in tears. Fortunately I wore one of my most absorbent shirts. A hundred kilos of blubbering mess; it wasn't pretty. The service was also for Rob's two young boys; Byron and Gabriel whose lives were cut tragically short as well. Rob and his family were involved in a car accident in South Africa, with the only survivor (of Rob's family) being his wife, Dusty. Rob and I went to school together and have remained close friends over the years. The day before he went away we spoke on the phone, laughed and talked general crap as blokes do. He had just finished a massive work project, was exhausted and was very excited to be heading away for a much deserved break with his beautiful family. Some of you in Australia may have heard about the accident on the news, Rob was an accomplished film producer, ex-AFL player and successful business man. But more important than all of that, he was a spectacular human being. Or as we Aussies would say; a ripping bloke.

Alone in a Crowd

As I sat there in my elevated seat up near the rafters of the grand old church, I couldn't help but stare down at Dusty sitting in the front row; surrounded by people who love her but at the same time, looking very alone. She was there physically, but on another level, she wasn't really there at all. Understandably. My heart broke for her. In an instant her reality had been changed forever. She would never hold her boys again. Not in this lifetime anyway.

What Matters

It's amazing what clarity we can have in moments such as these. Such insight. Such perspective. Such awareness. In that moment, in that situation, in that old church saying goodbye to my friend I realised that I have no real problems. At all. And I'm not talking about an intellectual "head" realisation but a spiritual and emotional realisation; one that inhabits every cell of your body. I also realised how much time and energy we humans waste on crap that ultimately doesn't matter.

I wish I could have one more chance to tell my buddy that I love him and give him a hug, but I can't. But for the rest of you who consider yourselves to be my friends, you better watch out because next time I see you, there's gonna be some uninhibited hugging going on. And it might get messy.

What and who really matters to you?

See ya Dicko. Love you.

xxx

Why We Get Fat After We Get Skinny

2009-05-05T09:48:00.000+10:00

Hi Team. I'll be on Channel Ten (in Australia) today chatting about why the vast majority of people who lose weight regain it. Here's the pre'cis version of my segment (on air at 10:25am -ish). Do any of these resonate for you?

1. We stop doing what works. Could it be any simpler? For a range of reasons, most people simply stop doing what ever it was that got them in shape in the first place. It ain't rocket science but many people - including experts - continue to complicate the simple. "Aaah but you don't understand my situation". Talk to the hand. We can all find a bunch of "reasons" to explain our less-than-desirable physical state - or we can simply do what works. And keep doing it. Keep in mind that some people (companies) have a vested interest in the weight-loss process being complex - otherwise you might not buy their ridiculous, expensive, ineffective and completely unnecessary products. After all, if weight loss was about something as obvious and simple as choices, diet, exercise and lifestyle... then how could they sell all their "scientifically proven" solutions to your problems. Oops.

* Yes, I know "Mr Six Pack" (see above) has featured a few times here at me-dot-com but I know at least a few girls who won't be devastated with a little repetition.

2. We get in shape for events, not life. Too many people spend their lives alternating between fit and fat because they only lose weight for certain occasions and events. They "peak" for the public outing (wedding, birthday, reunion, anniversary) and then they get fat again. Harsh? Nope, honest.

3. We make certain behaviours "optional". Some things shouldn't be optional - and for too many of us, they are. For example; intelligent eating, structured and regular exercise and healthy lifestyle. If it's your goal to have a fit, lean and functional body, then some things need to be non-negotiable habits - diet, exercise and lifestyle to name a few. When those things are absolute non-negotiables in our world then the results will flow.

4. We inhabit a deprivation mindset. In order to get certain things we need to give up others; high calorie, high fat, high sugar foods for example. Do you want to create life-long change once and for all - or do you want to continue eating crap and living in a body you hate?

"Nothing tastes as good as being in shape feels"

Some people spend far too much time focusing on what they're giving up (chocolate, alcohol, cake) and far too little time being grateful for what they're gaining; health, years, quality of life.

5. We don't have a plan beyond the plan. Some people get there and then they say... "now what?" They had a weight-loss plan but not a weight-maintenance plan. I know many people who have celebrated reaching their weight-loss goal by indulging in a great big meal with friends. And with the words "I've worked so hard, I deserve this" still ringing in everyone's ears, the slide begins. Is it just me.. or is celebrating a physical transformation with a huge, unnecessary meal a completely stupid idea?

I'm sure some of you will have a thought, lesson or story to share from your own weight-loss/gain experiences. We'd love to hear from you as what you've learned might help someone else. You can do that by clicking on the link below. If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here.

Ciao x

The Test is not the Test

2009-05-04T08:39:00.001+10:00

Before We Get Under Way

Hi Guys, this "Monday" post is up a day early as my Sunday afternoon and Monday morning schedule is somewhat manic and doesn't really allow for writing. Life's about choices and today I'm giving you two; the written word and the audio version. Or I guess option three could be that you experience both. All for the incredible price of... nuthin'. Bargain. With the recent acquisition of my new digital audio recorder, there's been a whole bunch of experimentation and play over the weekend. While most of my posts will continue to be the written variety, my plan at this stage is to include one or two audio instalments each week. Unless of course they suck, and/or I hate them. In which case the shiny new recorder gizmo will find itself in the spare room with all my other un-used and un-loved expensive crap. Although I'm not really a fan of my voice, I gotta say that five or ten minutes of speaking into a microphone is way easier than several hours of writing. Anyway, let me know your thoughts. Also... for my Aussie readers, I will be on Channel Ten tomorrow (Tuesday) at around 10:25 am(ish) talking about why most people who lose weight re-gain it. Unless the station re-schedules me; which happens now and then. And finally, you can listen to today's post by clicking on the link at the bottom. On with the show.

"The test is not the test; your reaction to the test is the test"

One Upon a Friday Night....

It's the end of another busy week and you're pumped because you've planned a relaxing weekend trip to the mountains with your partner; some time to get away, de-stress, re-connect, breath in some fresh air, commune with nature, enjoy some tranquility and simply step out of the chaos that is your busy, urban existence. You're very excited; you can almost smell the trees, hear the birds and feel the mountain air on your face. You've been looking forward to this all week and now it's Friday night, the car's packed and you're good to go. You get in the car and breath a sigh of relief. Bliss - here you come. You put the key in the ignition, turn it and... nothing. Zippo. Donuts. You're blood pressure rises a little. You feel a little anger well up. Some negative thoughts knock on the door of your consciousness and you invite them in; "make yourselves comfortable fellas", you say.

The Anxiety Brothers

You clench the steering wheel and turn the ignition again. Nada. Silence. And while the car remains silent, the noise is your head begins to increase. The internal chatter is reaching an unpleasant crescendo. You exhale loudly in frustration, you bang on the steering wheel and your partner shifts uncomfortably. The excitement is disappearing at a rapid rate and in the space of sixty seconds the mood has become decidedly negative. The energy in the car has gone from very up to very down and it's all because of you. Of course you think the problem is the car but in this moment, the problem is you. Without notice there's another knock on the cerebral door; this time it's those highly seductive and destructive emotions - Resentment and Self-Pity. They have decided to join their old buddy Anger, and of course you welcome them both with open arms. "Pull up a chair lads". True to form, Anger, Resentment and Self-Pity make themselves right at home and take a quick tour of your body just to ensure that Mr Blood Pressure, Mr Heart Rate, Mr Vaso-constriction, Mr Cortisol Production and Mr Respiration (known collectively as the Anxiety Brothers) are all on high alert.

Get Back in the Car

You remove the keys from the ignition and look at them. You're not really sure what you're looking for but you do it anyway. You put them back in. You try again. Nothing. And again. And again. Still nothing. You jump out of the car and slam the door. You swear. By now the Anxiety Brothers are high-fiving each other. You walk in circles, kick the ground, clench your fists and throw your arms in the air. You're angry and heading towards out of control. Your much calmer partner tries to console you and offer a sensible suggestion. You snap back with another profanity. You mumble something about fairness and God. You ask some pointless questions and are just about to throw your own personal pity party when you hear a noise behind you that sounds exactly like a car engine. You spin around. The engine is running and your partner suggests that you might want to get back in the car.

"It helps if the transmission is in Park and not Drive", you're informed.

In the space of a few minutes you went from positive to negative, happy to unhappy, calm to angry and from polite to rude. All the while, your partner who was in the same car, the same situation and was faced with the same challenge didn't change at all. While you were immersing your miserable, melodramatic self in the (imagined) "catastrophe", he/she was all about calmly finding a solution. There's a thought.

The Problem is... You

And what (or who) created all those undesirable responses? What is the car situation? Nope, it was you in the situation. Cars don't create stress, people do. Engine issues don't make things unpleasant, people do. A transmission in "D" instead of "P" is only a disaster when we make it that. In truth, there are no problems; only events. A "problem" is a label we complex creatures give certain situations, circumstances and events. That's why John's catastrophe is Julie's life-lesson and why Sally's problem will be Sam's opportunity; it's all about individual response and personal interpretation.

If things only have the meaning we give them (and they do), then the only place that problems can exist is in our head. I know this will be difficult or maybe even illogical for some of you to accept but I would urge you to at least consider a different perspective. Sometimes a change of perspective (that is, thinking) is what we've needed all along. If we acknowledge that my reality is not yours and yours is not mine, then what else can we conclude? We can realise that we each create our own reality; the good and the bad, the problems and the solutions.

A Problem-Less Existence

I'm not for one moment suggesting that messy, undesirable, painful and difficult situations don't exist in our world; of course they do. What I am suggesting is that the impact those things will have on our practical reality (good, bad or neutral) is totally dependant on how we react to them. And if we know that we have the ability to choose our reactions (which we do), then we also know that we have the option of a problem-less life. We can choose problems or lessons. You may think I'm being overly simplistic and that it's all a matter of definition... and in a way, you would be right. However, keep in mind that the labels and meaning we give things has an immediate and dramatic impact on mental and emotional states, our nervous system, our physiology and of course, our (version of) reality.

The Problem Myth

The problem with problems(!) is that we have bought (emotionally and psychologically) into the myth. We create them. We give them power in our life. We willingly (and unnecessarily) surrender control to them. Having worked with numerous people with terminal illnesses over the years, I can tell you that whether something will be hard or easy, painful or pleasant, melodramatic or matter-of-fact is five percent about the situation and ninety five percent about the person in it.

See you tomorrow.

As always, love to hear your thoughts on this subject and feedback on this post. You can do that by clicking on the link below. If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here.

* Listen to today's post by clicking on this link... R1_0003.MP3

Is That The Wheels of Progress?

2009-05-01T20:19:00.002+10:00

A New Toy for the Only Child

Hello Boys and Girls. No post as such today, just a little sillyness. I have a new toy to play with and I've decided to share it with you. Johnnie bought me a techno thingy that allows me to do audio posts thereby giving me a break from those time-consuming, labour-intensive written ones. Giddy-up. I have literally had it for thirty minutes and he's left the building so I'm not totally sure what I'm doing but I've given it a crack. Take a listen to four(ish) minutes of my mindless drivel and let me know what you think of the podcast concept (not my mindless drivel). The Bald Man tells me that the audio files can be down-loaded to MP3(4) players; should you wish to take me with you. So to speak. In the short term, I will probably record one or two audio posts per week and see how we go. To hear my silly sample, click on the purple(ish) thingy below. Enjoy your weekend.

Craig's_First_Podcast_Thingy.MP3

Group Hug ( )

Don't Die With Your Music Still in You

2009-04-30T16:04:00.002+10:00

Amazing When we Need to Be

Have you ever noticed how incredibly capable, creative, resourceful, productive, fearless and resilient people can be when they have to? Why is it that in certain situations some people are able to produce amazing results and do things that they've never even considered doing before - seemingly, with ease? Mostly it's because they find themselves in a situation which dictates that they either (1) find a way to survive and thrive or (2) capitulate (do or die); which could mean anything from the loss of a marriage or business, to the loss of a life. And being that we're all equipped with a pretty serious survival instinct, it's quite often the dire and the catastrophic which brings out the best in people; the weak become miraculously strong, the apathetic become focused and driven and the fearful find courage they never knew they had.

When backed into a corner, we invariably see "normal" people doing "abnormal" things; in the process ignoring and overcoming all kinds of fears, phobias, emotional issues and self-imposed limitations - because they have no choice (or that's what they believe anyway). It's amazing what we can do when we have to.

What a pity so many of us wait and waste.

The Dormant Genius

Just ask the people who were affected by the recent Victorian bushfires. Where did they find the strength, courage, resourcefulness, intelligence and drive to survive not only the horror of the fires, but the reality of life after the event? The truth is that the ability to overcome, to triumph and to do those amazing (seemingly super-human) things was always there; it just wasn't being used. Since the fires we (here in Victoria) have heard one story after another of incredible feats of survival, ingenuity, bravery and determination.

Sometimes "amazing" is a choice.

In fact, mostly.

Wasting What we've Got

It's sad that so many of us spend the majority of our lives not using what we've been given; tolerating an existence of mediocrity, compromise and under-achieving because on some level, we're too fearful, too lazy, too disorganised and too set-in-our-ways to get uncomfortable, to take a chance and to really explore our potential.

Cutting to the Chase

As you might guess, I love this topic and I could easily waffle on for another thousand words or so and regale you with numerous inspirational stories of ordinary people who have done extraordinary things but I'm gonna save me some writing time and you some reading time and tell you that today's "take home message" is that we all have vast reserves of untapped talent and potential. All of us - even you. The ability to produce amazing outcomes and do things we've never dreamt of is in all of us. And no, this is not some feel-good, self-help waffle, this is a truth that you can exploit or ignore. The key is to not wait for the catastrophe.

That is, be pro-active not reactive.

The bad news is that most people will spend the next decade wasting (much of) their time and talent. The good news is... you don't need to be part of the majority.

Care to join my minority?

As always, love to hear your thoughts on this subject and feedback on this post. You can do that by clicking on the link below. If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here.

Ciao x

The Fight in the Dog

2009-04-28T11:30:00.001+10:00

"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog."

Deja Vu

Yesterday I bumped into a guy that I haven't seen for a few years. He's smart, talented, educated, creative and... wasting all of it. He's also forty (or so) kilos overweight (88lbs), "almost ready to get in shape" (whatever that means) and just about to set up his own business. As he was talking to me about his business plans, I had a deja vu moment. I distinctly remember having the same conversation with the same guy in 2005(ish). When I innocently quizzed him about why his idea wasn't a reality already he proceeded to wheel out one excuse after another; all of them completely lame. After years of similar discussions, I have an inbuilt bullshit detector which, by this stage, was going off like a frog in a sock. Being the mildly entrepreneurial, innately encouraging and eternally optimistic bloke that I am (in my mind anyway), I decided to offer some sound ideas, suggestions and feedback that I thought may be of value to the would-be millionaire.

Apparently I was wrong.

How to Achieve Nothing

Well technically, we can't achieve "nothing" but you know what I mean. Every suggestion was met with a negative response. If there's anyone in the world who knows how to spend years not setting up a business, not taking a risk, not getting uncomfortable, not exploring his potential and not achieving anything, it's him. Standing there, it dawned on me that some people will never reach their goals because they're just not prepared to fight to get what they want. They want the results without the discomfort. The rewards without the work. The glory without the guts. Not wanting to waste any more of my time, I cut the conversation short and left him standing there in all his excuse-making, shit-spinning, time-wasting glory.

Being Prepared to Fight

Give me an intelligent, gifted and skilled person who doesn't have a willingness to fight desperately for what they want... and I'll show you someone who will never succeed or fulfill their potential. On the other hand, give me the person without the education, without the talent and without the amazing skills... who just happens to have an incredible attitude and a willingness to fight (and keep fighting) when most would give up, and I'll show you a success story in the making.

So today's question is... what are YOU prepared to fight for? If you don't know, you'd best find out.

Woof, woof.

As always, love to hear your thoughts on this subject and feedback on this post. You can do that by clicking on the link below. If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here.

Ciao x

How to Stay Young

2009-04-27T07:59:00.005+10:00

Get Comfortable

Hi Team, hope you enjoyed your weekend. Okay, this article is long - even for me. It's like I slipped into some kind of writing time-warp and woke up to discover that I had produced a three thousand word epic. You may wanna get yourself a coffee and foot stool. It's possible that I got a little carried away 'cause it's a very relevant and interesting topic for all of us. Except me of course because I'm incredibly young. But the rest of you fossils may find it interesting. Helpful even.

What's Meant to Happen

We all understand what happens to our body and our mind as we age. Or at least, what's meant to happen. We see the evidence of ageing around us every day. We have the younger adults group, the middle-aged group and of course, the older group. And true to our "label", the vast majority of us tend to act our age. The youngies do "age-appropriate" young people things, the middle-aged group hang out with their middle-aged friends with their sore backs and do middle-age-type stuff, while the oldies bowl and bake.

Or so it might seem to an alien researcher from the planet Nebulon 9.

Age-Appropriate Behaviour

But what if this kind of thinking, labelling, role-playing and "age-appropriate" behaviour is the very thing that leads so many of us to premature sickness, ageing, dysfunction, depression and even death? What if it makes us old before our time? Guess what? It does! In fact, it plays a much bigger role in the physical, mental and emotional decline that we typically associate with normal ageing, than most people would ever imagine.

"Sadly, many of us will think, choose and behave ourselves into premature old age"

Unnecessary Ageing

What would you say if I told you that much of the physical and psychological deterioration we see in the majority of our population is totally unnecessary? Avoidable? In fact, I'm here to tell you that a great deal of the ageing you and I see around us every day, has little to do with genetics or years on the big blue ball and a lot to do with exercise, diet, lifestyle, choices, behaviours, habits, beliefs and mindset. In other words, what we do with what we've got. Some intelligent people maximise their time, genetics and potential, while others throw it all down the crapper and then hope that the doctor will "fix them" as they age.

Old Before Our Time

That's not to say that we can totally avoid the realities of ageing (of course), but it is to say that there is no "need" for us (1) to age at the rate that most of us allow ourselves to and (2) to conform to the mass stupidity that seems to control the behaviours, choices and lifestyles of far too many people over the age of forty. Of course I am not referring to chronological ageing here - which is nothing more than an arbitrary figure that only has the meaning we give it - but rather, physical and psychological ageing. It is my experience and observation that far too many people do in fact get old before their time. Their behaviours, thinking, choices, lifestyle and habits "make them old". We all know people who have been destroying their health, their quality of life and shortening their life expectancy for years.

Physical Deterioration

Without some kind of intervention (an exercise or activity program) we know that our muscles will waste, our lung capacity will decrease, our heart will get weaker, our bones will become more brittle, our flexibility and mobility will decrease, our reaction time will slow, our posture will suffer, we will move slower and we will become more susceptible to illness, injury and disease. Unless of course we happen to live a naturally active lifestyle; one where we regularly expend lots of energy, move, lift, stress our body and consistently do physical stuff. We know that with the (unnecessary) physical deterioration (that comes via inactivity) we will also see a significant (and unnecessary) level of psychological and emotional deterioration.

What a waste.

Of course our physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual health are all intertwined and inseparable, so when we allow ourselves to become physically unwell, we can also expect that our health will be negatively impacted on all levels.

"Youth is as much about thoughts, feelings, choices and behaviours, as it is about muscle mass, lung capacity and appearance - which is why we see young seventy year-olds and old forty year-olds".

Biological Age

I have spoken to most of you before about a concept called biological age (also known as physiological age) and we have established that by manipulating certain variables (diet, lifestyle, exercise, stress levels, social behaviours) we can absolutely turn back our body clock. Even though we may be fifty (chronologically) we can 'build' ourselves the body equivalent to that of a typical thirty year-old - in terms of cardio-vascular function, strength, bone density, blood pressure, flexibility and even appearance. If you've punished your body for fifty years it may be more of a challenge of course, but at the very least, you can see significant positive change and a notable improvement in your overall health, physical function, fitness and emotional state.

Living in a Full-Body Cast

What typically happens with a large percentage of the population is that we get to a point in time when, for a range of reasons, we simply stop "doing stuff"; we use our brain and body less and the deterioration begins almost immediately. Have you ever seen what happens to the muscles on a broken leg after it's been in a cast for six weeks? Because they are not being used, the muscles will almost disappear. Well, in a similar way, some people get to a point where it's like they put their body and their brain in a cast. Forever. The net result is rapid deterioration - on all levels.

Retirement

Sometimes this behavioral change correlates with retirement but not always. We simply stop doing what we've done for years - lifting, walking, hammering, climbing, carrying, cleaning, working, stretching; physical stuff. And as soon as this happens our body begins to age at a faster rate and we begin to see numerous undesirable biological changes; increased fat and decreased muscle mass being two of them. It's hard to quantify (the rate of ageing) as it varies from person to person, but let's just go with... a much greater rate (than our counterparts who remain more active).

Some people get "old" rapidly, not because they have reached a certain number of years on the big blue ball but simply because they reach a point on their journey where (for whatever reason) they have gone from being very active (mentally and physically) to very inactive in a short space of time; the net result being old age. We've all seen people age ten years in the space of twelve months.

Retiring From Health?

Now, I'm not suggesting that Mr Bricklayer (for example) should keep laying bricks until he's a hundred years old, but what I am suggesting is that if he goes from laying bricks all day - in other words moving, walking, carrying, lifting, expending energy, maintaining fitness, strength and function - to sitting on his retired arse and watching Oprah while consuming the same amount of calories as he did when he was working physically hard (which many people will do), then he's gonna be a big fat, unhealthy and miserable retired bricklayer quicker than you can say heart disease, diabetes and back pain. Retiring from work shouldn't mean retiring from activity or health. Or life. He needs to find a way to maintain (or even improve) his physical, emotional and psychological "fitness" - without the bricks!

For many people, retirement should be renamed the-beginning-of-the-end because they stop doing pretty much everything that kept them in shape (I'm talking about from a health and function perspective here... not from a looking incredible perspective). Of course I'm not suggesting that we all work until we're ninety five but for some people, the day they retire is the day they stop using their mind and their body. It's also the day they begin to deteriorate. Ironic, when you consider how excited most people are about their retirement.

And while it's common and 'normal' for some of us to train our body in an effort to stay young physically, surprisingly, the majority of us don't consciously take a similar approach when it comes to keeping our mind in shape - that is, consciously 'exercising' our mind like we do our body.

Interesting when we consider these two facts:

1. People typically slow down mentally as they age. Short-term memory suffers (where are my keys?), we process information slower, find it harder to concentrate and focus, are more easily confused, are more easily distracted and agitated, become vague and tend to be less creative and adventurous and more fearful.

2. They don't have to (slow down). Countless research studies (and simple observation) tell us that our mind, like any other muscle (okay, it's not a muscle but you get my point), needs to be trained to stay in shape. Excluding those with specific medical conditions, we find that people who have remained mentally active as they have aged typically see little (or no) deterioration in their level of brain function. Some of the greatest academics, teachers, inventors, leaders and pioneers did their greatest work in the last quadrant of their life.

Better With Age

While I don't consider myself to be in the last quadrant of my life (I hope), I do know that at forty five years young I'm mentally sharper, my memory is better, I'm more creative, I'm producing better results, I'm writing better, thinking clearer and know that I'm improving (not maintaining) each year because I'm maximising what I've been given and I'm consciously and consistently training both my mind and my body. I also have an absolute belief and expectation that I will get better as I age - not because I'm more gifted than the next person (which I'm not) but because I will continue to find a way, rather than find an excuse; an option available to all of us.

An over-used but accurate saying is "the moment we stop using it, we start losing it" - and while it sounds extremely cliche - it's actually scientifically sound. The good news is that our brain (like our body) is an amazing organ that can adapt (grow 'muscle') at any age.

It's great to be in shape physically - and clearly that's a big part of the staying young formula - but what's the point of having four percent body-fat, Herculean biceps and a killer six-pack, if you have a mind like a Dalmatian? So after two hundred years (or so) of helping people get in shape physically, here are my tips to help you develop and maintain your high-performance mind and to stay young.

1. Set goals. The moment we stop setting goals is the moment we start going backwards. Without goals we tend not to think, plan, rationalise, problem solve or create as much; that is, use our brain.

2. Laugh. Laughing is incredibly therapeutic and healing. It's not illegal to laugh, be silly or have fun as you age. Although some grumpy old farts seem determined to prove me wrong.

"We don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing."

3. Play. Two of my favourite people in the world are a seventy years-young couple who ski, ride mountain bikes, run up and down sand dunes, hike, lift weights, travel, help others, play practical jokes and hang out with 'silly' young people. They both have a biological age of less than forty.

4. Study. You don't have to go back to college and get your PhD. (although you might) but perhaps explore short courses, workshops; anything to blow out those cerebral cob webs and get those rusty cogs turning once again. Many people seem to stop learning when they finish with school. Pity. One of my business partners (Rona) is fifty four. She will graduate with her bachelors degree (in Exercise Science) in a few months and has already informed me that she wants to continue studying once she completes her current course. The other day she told me "it's the best thing I've ever done in my life" - condolences to her husband.

5. Learn a new language. Research tells us that people who speak two languages (regularly) age (mentally) at a slower rate than their uni-lingual (I made that word up) buddies. They stay in shape (mentally) for longer. Being bi-lingual even delays the onset and progression of Alzheimer's. Now, if only you spoke three languages...

6. Express yourself creatively. Write something - a book, some poetry, a business plan, start your own blog. Paint, draw, sculpt - my father began to paint at sixty five and now is an awesome professional artist. Invent something - a lot of the best inventors are crusty old guys. C'mon on you crusty old guys, invent something!

7. Read. And not only romantic novels, read stuff that makes you use your brain and challenges you a little; stuff that makes you think, reason, remember and exercise your brain.

8. Consciously try to remember stuff. It's all in there, you just need to dust it off! Find your old school photos and name all your class mates. Try to remember (and replay in your mind) moments in time. Your first boyfriend's, next door neighbour's, brother's... name (the one you kissed).

9. Learn to manage stress. Not coping with ongoing stress will make you old almost quicker than anything. Stress can make you strong or it can make you sick. Avoid it when you can, deal with it when you have to. Learn to be the calm in the chaos and remember that things only have the meaning you give them. Stress is a personal response, so learn to react differently. A good or bad outcome is rarely about the situation - and nearly always about how you deal with it.

10. Do some mental workouts. Crosswords - fun and great for your brain. Puzzles, problem solving stuff, force yourself to think, reason, calculate. When you have time on your hands is the best time to brain-train. In the car, on the train, bus, waiting rooms - do maths problems, spell words, try to recall specific information. Hmm, exactly what does DNA stand for again? What is the capital of Poland?

11. Have a project. Something to keep you thinking, communicating, planning, solving problems, remembering, developing your potential; in general - bench pressing for your brain. Might be landscaping your property, starting a not-for-profit organisation, building a small business, rebuilding your '56 Buick, climbing Everest; whatever it is that keeps you stimulated, learning, adapting, growing and mentally in shape.

Enjoy your youth.

You're welcome.

Love to hear your thoughts on this subject and feedback on this post. You can do that by clicking on the link below. If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here.

Ciao x

For My World to Change, First I Must Change

2009-04-24T07:46:00.001+10:00

P.S.

I know what you're thinking; "Craig is nuts - he's put a P.S. at the start of his post." Well yes, you're right; I am nuts - but not for that reason. Today P.S. stands for Pre-Script, not Post-Script. I just finished writing today's instalment and realised that I forgot to share some exciting news with you all. Guess what? We're getting a new website! Well, kind of. We're dressing this one up in new clothes. A total make-over for me-dot-com. Panic not, it will be the exact same site (info, posts, content, etc.) but it will look waaaaaay better. I've seen the prototype from our web design and marketing gurus and it's slick-o-rama. My boy Brendon Sinclair and his team from Tailored Web Services up there in the Sunshine State are absolute guns. Needless to say, I'm a little excited 'cause I like new stuff and it will take our site from looking pretty good to cyber-sexy. Totally new layout, colours and look. It should be up in a week or two, so stay tuned.

Hi Team..

Hope you're all Living, Laughing, Loving and Learning your way to your best life - doing what you need to do and being the change you want to see in your world. You know the only person who's gonna "fix your life" is you, right? Good, so stop over-thinking, over-analysing, over-talking, over-planning and under-doing... and get to it. My frantic week has amounted to less time at my trusty old keyboard and therefore, less blogging. Depending on my workload outside of the blogosphere, from here on you may find anything from one to five articles in your in-box each week. As a rule, I will endeavour to write three or four articles but on the odd occasion, there may be as little as one post for the week. Needless to say, I'll do my best. If you're struggling for a fix, you can always take a peek at any of the seven hundred articles preceding this one.

Getting to The Self Help Point

Rather than delivering yet another two thousand word personal development monologue that has some of you confused, some nodding off and a few enlightened and inspired, I thought that today I would cut through the Self-Help hyperbole and be brief(er) and ..ahem... blunt. Who'da thought. Hard to believe I know. So just for today, let's by-pass the feel-good cute stories, the clever analogies and metaphors and let's get to the point.

Educated Guessing

Bravely, I've decided to take a few educated guesses about you. I may be right on the money, wildly off track or somewhere in between; you decide. Use what's relevant, meaningful, helpful and appropriate and ignore the rest. In terms of you creating your "best life" and consistently producing better results (whatever that means for you personally), I'm gonna assume a few things about you:

1. You've read enough
2. You've heard enough
3. You know enough
4. You've seen enough
5. You're talented enough
6. You're intelligent enough
7. You have the time (don't confuse not having time with not making the time)
8. You have the reasons (to change)

So with that all in mind, there's a few questions you might want to ask yourself:

1. How do I need to change?
2. Why haven't I already?
3. When will I?
4. How much do I want it?
5. What am I prepared to do to get it?
6. How, when and why do I self-sabotage?
7. What will the consequences of not changing be?
8. What will my life look like in five years if I continue on my current path?
9. What will make me happy?
10. What decisions do I need to make today?
11. What action do I need to take today?
12. What do I need to do differently from now?
13. How uncomfortable am I prepared to get?
14. Why will it be different this time?

Now, you do realise that the value of the above questions comes not from the reading, comprehending and head-nodding, but from the answering, the decision making and the subsequent behavioural change? These questions can be life-changing - if you make them so. Only you can turn your life around. Only you can think for you. Only you can make decisions for you. Only you can face your fears. Only you can change your behaviours. Only your can change your habits. Only you can change your attitude. Only you can change your body. Only you can apply or ignore what you learn here at me-dot-com.

"You are the answer to your problems; everything else is a resource."

It's true; I'm nothing more than a resource to you and my lessons will be as valuable as you make them. Real change is all about you; always has been, always will be. My words will have no power in your world until you do something with them. Until you turn information into action. Until you turn my theory into your reality.

It's also true that most of us know what to do, but all too often don't do what we know. The real challenge for you and I (in our pursuit of excellence) doesn't lie in our lack of knowledge, ability, skill, understanding or opportunity (we have more than enough), it lies in the propensity we have to avoid anything which scares us or makes us uncomfortable.

"If you're not prepared to get uncomfortable, then learn to be happy where you are."

It's true that many of us have a dilemma of sorts; on the one hand we want to be secure, comfortable and safe (in the now), while on the other, we want to produce incredible results into the future and be successful over our lifespan. Avoiding discomfort (at all costs) is a recipe for stagnation, frustration and dysfunction. Doing what scares us, changes us. For the better. Where there is pain, there are lessons to be learned. Where there is adversity, there is strength to be gained and character to be formed.

When you change, your world will change.

Look within and not without Grasshoppers.

Share your thoughts by clicking on the link below. If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here.

Ciao x

Time To Prioritise

2009-04-22T15:14:00.001+10:00

Mr Fifty Things at Once

Okay, I'm under the pump this week; lots of speaking, travelling, media, writing (a new book) and coaching of champions in the making. As a result, I've been feeling a little blogospherically negligent. Perhaps that guilt thing is a hang-over from my mildly religious upbringing. It's true; I have had a tendency over the years to feel somewhat negligent and lazy when I'm not doing at least fifty things at once and milking every minute of my day. Fortunately for me, I'm almost done with it. The guilt thing that is. And the fifty things at once thing. And the milking thing. Invariably all that happened was (1) I was always exhausted (2) I was always frustrated and (3) I ended up doing fifty things badly and zero things well.

Overall, a pretty crap result.

The To-Do-Later List

If you're like I was for a long time, then it may well be time for you to stop (there's a thought), be still for a moment, step back from your life, gain some perspective, make some tough but necessary decisions (the ones you've been putting off since 1993) and commit to prioritising your responsibilities, goals, time and even your relationships. That is, either cross a few things off your to-do list completely, or put them on your "to-do-later" (much later) list. If you regularly feel like you're very busy achieving not much then perhaps I'm talking directly to you today. In my opinion, far too many of us invest too much time, energy, skill and talent where we shouldn't. Under-achieving, wasting what we have and invariably ending up back in the same place - the place we don't want to be.

Go Away

It's very hard to get perspective on our life when we're right in the middle of it. Just as it's hard for a player to have the perspective of a coach - who isn't in the middle of the action. Sometimes we need to get away from our world to be able to see it clearly. By this I mean physically away; a different environment. Even if it's only for a day or two. Ever noticed how different life seems when you're away on holidays, doing different things and existing in a different environment? Invariably we have a different perspective when we take a break from our day-to-day reality. We often see things more clearly and find it easier to make significant decisions.

Getting Focused

If you feel like you're constantly doing a lot of things poorly, or if you're simply not happy with the type of results you're producing in your world, it may well be time for you to narrow your focus a little (or maybe a lot), put a few things on hold (or in the bin), invest your energy and talent in the right place (where you'll get a good return) and "do different to create different". Wouldn't you prefer to do a few things well (and therefore produce great results) rather than fifty things terribly?

These days my to-do-later list is two miles long while my immediate to-do list is relatively short. Every day I ask myself the following questions. Feel free to borrow them...

1. What's the best use of my time and ability today?

2. What do I absolutely have to get done today?

3. Am I the best person to do this job/task?

4. Can this wait?

5. Is this important (in the context of my goals and priorities)?

So, is it time for you to stop juggling and start producing real results?

Let me know your thoughts.

Leave a comment by clicking on the link below. If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here. Also, let me know how your new non-arguing life is going (off the back of Last Tuesday's post).

Ciao x

Why We're all Unique... and the Same.

2009-04-20T15:07:00.002+10:00

While we're all different, unique, special and spectacular (or so our mothers tell us), in some ways, we're all exactly the same. Without trying too hard, I can think of two things we all have in common:

1. We all want to be happy.

2. We all want to create positive change in some area of our life - which is really driven by point one anyway.

Okay, I can give you one thing; a desire to find happiness.

See... the same.

Not Seeking Misery

Of course we might all pursue happiness in different ways and from different sources but the bottom line is that none of us are actively seeking misery. Sure some of us are creating it, but that's a discussion for another day.

Why do so many of us immerse ourselves in personal and professional development programs, books, workshops, websites, CD's... etc.? Because we want to create a better version of us, that's why. Of course "better" means different things to different people; richer, more attractive, more desirable, more educated, more productive, more balanced, more aware, more spiritual, more enlightened, more fulfilled, less stressed, less angry, kinder, healthier... the list is endless. As are the reasons for chasing those things.

Well strictly speaking, that's not true. Perhaps I should think before I write.

The Same Reason

There's actually only one reason we chase all those different things (from a smaller arse to spiritual enlightenment and everything in between); on some level we believe that the "getting" of those things will make us happier. Of course we believe that, otherwise we wouldn't bother sacrificing our time or energy. None of us are gonna work hard to achieve something that we believe (1) will make no positive difference to our life or (2) will make us more miserable. That's why we set goals, chase dreams, create plans and do all this "stuff" - to find happiness.

See; all the same. Seekers of happiness.

Happy for Life

So I guess the challenge isn't really knowing what we want because we know that already; it's knowing what will make us truly happy. Happy for life. On that note, who's chasing the fleeting kind of happiness? Momentary nirvana? Put up your hand if that's you. You know; the temporary change of emotional state that might come with eating some chocolate cake, buying some new clothes, winning some money or being paid a compliment. Okay let me see, that's.. er... zero hands.

Clearly, not what we want.

Of course we're not after some momentary high and given the option, we would all prefer the kind of lasting happiness, contentment and true joy that seems to work from the inside out; not the other way around. Some would suggest (and I'm one of the some) that lasting happiness can only be the result of internal change. While our external reality impacts on our life in a practical and significant way, it will never be the sole determinant of life-long happiness.

When "Success" Doesn't Equal Happiness

The world is full of people who have achieved their goals (some of them anyway) - only to find themselves miserable. Perhaps this is because they set the wrong goals and/or they had misguided beliefs about what the realisation of those goals might bring to their life or do for their state of mind. On some level they may have had a belief and expectation that when they looked a certain way, owned certain things or accumulated enough money, fame and respect... that then they would be happy. This thinking is a sad reflection of a society that so often talks spiritually and philosophically (we love to appear deep and spiritual) but all too often behaves selfishly, ignorantly and worships the superficial and the temporal.

A Quick Guide...

Having money - Handy. Practical. Useful. Overall, a good thing. Money is a practical resource, not a solution to emotional, psychological, social, marital or spiritual issues.

Worshipping Money - Destructive. Dysfunctional. Stupid.

Being in great shape - Desirable. Smart. A great achievement.

Deriving our sense of self entirely from our appearance - Unhealthy. Destructive.

Looks like Happiness but Isn't

One of the ironies of our culture is that many (not all) of the people who are worshipped and considered to be the poster boys and girls for success (because of their looks, fame, money, achievements, commercial endeavours) are often amongst the most dysfunctional, miserable, medicated and lonely people. Why? Because all that "stuff" doesn't make anyone happy. Ever. They spend years missing the point and looking for happiness where it can't be found. Yes, it can provide a temporary distraction and momentary high but it can never create the type of lasting inner contentment, peace, calm and joy we're talking about today. That's why there will always be another deal to clinch, pound to lose, dollar to earn, outfit to buy, property to acquire and compliment to chase because the type of happiness those things deliver is short-lived. That kind of pursuit is all about the ego and as we know, the ego is an insatiable master. When the momentary high fades (which it will), the chase will have to start all over again - and that slippery slope can be a very tiring, stressful and ultimately destructive path to choose.

Where will You Find it?

So my question to you today is not what do you want - we know that - but where will you find it? Where will you really find it and are you looking in the right place or are you driving at a million miles per hour in the wrong direction? Perhaps once you stop chasing it, it will find you.

As I've shared with you before, our Buddhist friends believe that happiness doesn't come from the "pursuit of happiness" but rather the "letting go of that which makes us unhappy".

Right, I'm off to find myself a Kaftan. Possibly something in a burnt orange.

Do they come in an XXL?

Making the same Mistakes

2009-04-17T21:18:00.000+10:00

Doing What Doesn't Work

Have you ever noticed how good we are at doing what doesn't work? Forever! With our diet? Our exercise habits? Our relationships? Our finances? Our health? Our destructive behaviours? Yessirree, for such highly evolved creatures, sometimes we're mighty stupid. Some of us have been doing what doesn't work for years and 'almost changing' for even longer; all show and no go. And you thought that Groundhog Day was just a funny movie. Sadly, it's reality for many people.

The Behavioural Merry-Go-Round

The other day we spoke about the propensity some of us have to engage in the same pointless, painful and destructive arguments with the same people about the same issues... for years. And amazingly, we still think it's all them. I'm not sure if that's arrogance, stupidity, denial, delusion or a combination of the lot. Well, this kind of behaviour is not confined to arguments and personal relationships; we see it in virtually every area of the human experience. It's seems that some of us would rather justify, blame, explain, ignore and pretend... than change. Some of us have been going around in circles for years and now... it's time to step off the behavioural merry-go-round and embrace some reality. And change.

Keeping in mind the axiom that "if we want to create different, we need to do different", let's take a quick peek at why some of us might be trapped in our own personal Groundhog Day.

1. Procrastination - Some of us are professional "waiters". Unfortunately, for many of us, the right time never seems to arrive. Some people are always about to change but never actually doing it. And of course, it's not really a time thing; it's an attitude thing. An overcoming fear thing. A getting off our arse thing.

2. Blame - If it's someone else's fault then (1) that's very convenient (2) it's beyond our control and (3) we don't have to change. Perfect. Phew.

3. Lying - Everyone Lies. Everyone. It's the people who lie to themselves and then start to believe their own crap that have the problem. Self-awareness, humility and honesty; always valuable tools in the personal transformation process.

4. Laziness - Living in a culture that embraces the quick-fix, instant gratification and the avoid-discomfort-at-all-costs-mindset... helps nobody. Laziness equals misery, frustration and under-achieving.

5. Being Reactive - When do many people make significant decisions about their health? When they're in the back of the ambulance with tubes protruding from every orifice, that's when. When do some people decide to work on their relationship? When their partner is walking out the front door. What about getting those finances in order? When you're wondering how much the pawn broker will give you for your twenty five year-old bike and you've been living on two-minute noodles for three months!

6. Indifference - Plenty of people subscribe to the "hopefully things will work themselves out" plan for life. What a load of crap; things don't "work themselves out" - we do. Or not. While the wishful thinkers are sitting around with their fingers crossed, the smart people are consciously and methodically creating their best life and exploring their potential.

"Success or failure is not pre-determined; it's me determined"

Is it time for you to stop making the same mistakes?

Don't get offended.
Don't get precious.
Don't get defensive.
Don't get angry.

Get realistic, practical, busy and productive.

Leave a comment by clicking on the link below. If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here. Also, let me know how your new non-arguing life is going (off the back of Tuesday's post).

Ciao x

Weighing Kids at School

2009-04-16T12:49:00.003+10:00

Before we get under way with today's chat, a little news....

A two-day RYL in Perth!

Hi Team. A little while ago I was approached by the very lovely Susie James and her team from Funny Farm Fitness in W.A. to run a two-day (live-in) RYL Program for her and her clients from July 31 - August 2. Susie has kindly agreed to open the program up to anyone from the West (or East for that matter) who might like to come along for two days of life-changing motivation, inspiration and education. The program will be identical to the one we're running here in Victoria next month. Although I will be two months older. And wiser.

Okay, older.

If you would like to book a place or talk to Susie, she can be contacted during business hours on 0438 910 664 or you can email her at funnyfarmfitness@bigpond.com. The venue for the program is Club Capricorn, Two Rocks Road, Yanchep. I hope to see some of you there.
Vertically Challenged

Most of my long-time readers will know that as a teenager I was a somewhat... er.. voluptuous. Full-figured. Thick-set. Stocky. Big-boned. Solid. Sure the experts might have classified me as obese, but I preferred to see myself as... short for my weight. Vertically challenged for my mass. It was totally about my height and not my weight.

See, it's a perspective thing.

Or a denial thing.

Okay, I was a whopper.

Buttons Being Pushed

Anyway, a few of the ex-fat kid's buttons have been pushed lately because there has been talk here in the Land Down Under about weighing kids at school in a kind of annual physiological assessment; essentially a height measurement, some weighing and a B.M.I. calculation. I can hear the screams of protest starting before I even finish this sentence. But what if it's done in a completely clinical manner and only the parent, the clinician and the child know the outcome of the test? Does the idea still suck then? Does the idea suck at all? Maybe you like it? Perhaps the only way to address childhood obesity is in a practical manner such as this? After all, it gives us a measurable, objective and scientific assessment of where the child is at and how they are tracking over time.

More Education?

Surely, if the answer to the obesity problem was to pump the kids and parents full of more information, then our kids would be shrinking by the day because we've got obesity-related information and education coming out of our ears... yet they ain't gettin' no smaller. Er, any smaller.

What do You Think?

Today's instalment is more of a discussion than it is a lesson, so I look forward to seeing what the group consensus will be on this topic. I think the idea has some merit but I'm not totally sold. I would need to know a little more about how the overall concept would be implemented and developed over the long term before I could give it my tick of approval. And we all know how much the government values my opinion. As an ex-fatty, I think I would have appreciated a little short-term pain for some long-term gain. But then again, maybe the chocolate cake-eating, fat fourteen year-old 'me' would think that his older counterpart is a big tool.

Your thoughts?

About the weighing that is. Not whether or not I'm a tool.

If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here. Yep, even you chronic Lurkers. Also, let me know how you're going with the abstaining from arguing thing (off the back of Tuesday's post).

Ciao x

What if She was a He?

2009-04-15T09:49:00.003+10:00

Different Rules?

On the back of my recent How To Operate a Bloke post, I received several emails (from blokes and chicks) requesting that I write a similar post about the female of the species. My response to those requests is (1) as if I'd know how and (2) what do you think I am, a complete idiot? Don't answer that. You do know there are different rules between the sexes right? For example, if I make fun of a man, that's entertainment. A comparable post about a woman; disgusting and sexist. If I was to call the typical bloke a big, dumb, penis-driven, emotionally inept, Neanderthal with the I.Q. of a wombat, that would be socially acceptable; if not downright hilarious. The equivalent comment about a woman would be considered insensitive and derogatory; journalistic suicide even... craig-who-dot-com?

Voluptuous? Full-figured? Curvy?

Okay, just to be clear - making fun of blokes; funny. Making fun of chicks; not funny. Especially if in some moment of cerebral meltdown, you choose to refer to their bodies. Calling a fat guy fat; fine. Calling a fat woman fat; not fine. Even if she's gigantic. "Wow, isn't she.... er... voluptuous?" Better still, say nothing. Even if you think you're saying the right thing, it won't be.

You Sexist Pig...

A few months ago here in the thriving metropolis of Melbourne, we hosted the Australian Tennis Open and there was something of an uproar because a (male) commentator suggested that one of the female tennis players might be carrying more body-fat than is desirable for an elite athlete. Not a completely unreasonable insight or observation. Naturally he was labelled a sexist pig and there was absolutely no chance that his opinion might in any way be worth considering. On the other hand, if she (the player) had been a he, the media would not have been remotely interested in the comments and there would have been no public outcry. In fact, there would have been no story, no media attention and the remarks would have gone un-noticed. Nobody would be talking about the out-of-shape male tennis player and nobody would be discussing sexism in sport because the remark was about a bloke - and it's okay to say whatever we want about male bodies. Funny even. But not female bodies. As an exercise scientist and someone who has worked with thousands of bodies for nearly three decades, to me the comment (about the female tennis player) had nothing to do with gender, sexism or discrimination but some people chose to make it about that. It had to do with the athlete's body-fat percentage and her level of conditioning for her sport. It seems that some people look for a reason to get offended.

What if She was a He?

If a sports commentator talks about how out-of-shape a male athlete appears - and they do often - nobody even bats an eyelid because they are merely pointing out the obvious. In the AFL (Aussie Rules) grand final last year there was a player by the name of Stuart Dew (pictured below) who put in a great performance. He is an athlete who took a year off the game and then was drafted by the eventual premiers, Hawthorn. Take a look at an extract from the Australian newspaper (below), the day after the game. By the way, the stuff in orange is the actual title of the article. Could you imagine a newspaper article with the title "The fat Woman is singing...."?

"The fat man is singing as project Dew tips scales in September" (The Australian, Sept. 29, 2008)

FOR men everywhere who are a few kilograms past their prime, Stuart Dew is the new cult hero. A year ago, he weighed 20kg more than he did during Saturday's grand final, and without being rude, he could still shed a few. But the spare tyre he carried around the MCG did not stop him being one of the stand-outs in Hawthorn's stunning premiership, with his desperate tackling and two goals late in the third quarter helping to turn the match on its head. As Hawthorn great Robert DiPierdomenico quipped during yesterday's post-match celebrations at Glenferrie Oval: "It was one for the fat man, eh! How good is that? You don't have to be an athlete to play this game."

To my knowledge, not one person complained about the above article (or it's title). Could it be because his name is Stuart, not Sarah?

Houston... We Have a Footballer

Last Saturday night (April 11, 2009) I was watching a football show here in Melbourne and one of the members of the panel described Dew as the only AFL player who could be seen from outer space. When the comment was made, the only response from the rest of the panel was laughter. If I was Stuart Dew I don't think I would be personally devastated by the comments but could you imagine the public outcry and backlash if a sports commentator made comparable public comments about one of our elite female athletes? My guess is that he/she would be sacked. There's a lot of distance between laughter and sacking isn't there?

The No-Penis Policy

Then there's the well-known chain of female-only gyms here in the Land Down Under. One of their recent advertising campaigns involved gigantic billboards emblazoned with the words "No Toms, no Harrys and definitely no Dicks". Personally, I am not offended in the least by their marketing strategy (it takes a lot), in fact I found the campaign kind of amusing and clever. But that's me. However, I wonder what the response might have been if I decided to promote my chain of bloke-only gyms with an advertising campaign that highlighted the absence of female genitalia in my centres? Probably not good I'm guessing.

What Writing Plan?

I'm not really sure how this article came to be - I didn't actually plan it - as such. I was just sitting here at my computer thinking about this stuff. I do that. Sometimes (okay, most of the time) I just start writing and something like this is the result. So I guess there's no major personal development message and no life-changing insight or philosophical brain food for you today; just me thinking out loud and wondering what your thoughts on this topic might be?

Although it is kinda interesting don'tcha think?

Let me know your thoughts and do your best to keep it clean, intelligent, relevant and constructive.

Enjoy your day Rockstars.

If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here. Yep, even you chronic Lurkers.

P.S. Also, let me know if you managed to abstain from arguing for twenty four hours (off the back of yesterday's post).

Ciao x

The Argument; a Waste of Time and Energy

2009-04-14T12:44:00.005+10:00

Before We Get Under Way...

For the purpose of today's discussion, when I use the term "argument" I am talking about the loud, heated, unpleasant kind; the "I'm not listening to you" kind. I'm not referring to a friendly, good-natured, verbal disagreement and I'm definitely not talking about a discussion or an intelligent debate.

Shattered Tranquility

The other day (Good Friday) I was sitting in my front yard reading a book when I became aware of, what sounded like, two people arguing. I did my best to ignore the noise pollution and focus on my book but a few minutes later they were still going at it. By the time I had read the same sentence fifteen times in a row, I decided to investigate the chaos that was invading my tranquility and study time. Out of curiosity and perhaps a little frustration, I walked over to the (head-high) fence that surrounds my yard and took a peek over the top to see a couple in their mid-thirties going nuts at each other in the front seat of their car; which was unfortunately parked on the other side of my fence - fifteen feet away. The volume of their voices alternated between very loud talking, screaming and flat-out verbal abuse and the open car windows didn't help. While I couldn't hear the specifics - neither did I have any desire to - it seemed that the rather loud couple were arguing about something to do with their plans for the weekend, their in-laws and each other's selfishness. And let me just add as an incidental side issue that the "F Bomb" was an integral and regular part of the conversation; always good with kids walking up and down the street.

My Thoughts on Arguing

Before we explore this topic any further, let me say that while I am a relatively strong personality with strong ideas and views, I rarely argue with people. In fact, almost never. I consider it to be a complete waste of my time and emotional energy. In general conversation I rarely share my thoughts with people unless (1) they ask for them or (2) I feel it's appropriate or (3) I believe my thoughts and ideas may add value to the conversation. If I get a sense that someone is not open to what it is I have to say, I simply won't go there. Some people are surprised to discover how quiet I can be in some social situations and certain settings. I don't believe in talking for the sake of it. The years have taught me that many people don't actually want a conversation; they want an audience. It's also my experience that an argument is far more likely to produce more problems (negatives) than it ever will solutions (positives). Yet despite this obvious truth, many of us continue to argue almost every single day of our lives. Invariably with bad outcomes.

The Noise Continues

After tolerating Mr and Mrs Loud and Obnoxious for five minutes or so and not really wanting to become part of the action, I decided to retreat to the house to make myself a cup of tea in the hope that both, them and their noise, would be gone by the time I headed back to my sanctuary. Of course, it wasn't to be. I walked back to my special reading chair under the tree and the noise continued. In fact, it may have escalated. I struggled on for a few minutes trying to absorb the words on the pages before me but it was pointless. I sat there for a minute or so wondering what to do. Years of bouncing in pubs had been perfect training for me to deal with loud, aggressive, irrational people but still, it isn't really high on my to do list these days. "I'm much older and I teach people about calm and consciousness now", I thought to myself. Nonetheless, some situations call for less theory and more action. I lifted myself from my special reading chair, walked through the side gate of my property and headed down my driveway towards the car of the Tranquility Shatterers. I can't be sure but I may have had a mildly pissed-off look on my face. Eckhart would have been so disappointed. As I approached the car, the bloke could see me but the woman couldn't as she had her back to me. I stopped about a metre from the car door and she slowly became aware that I was behind her. The yelling stopped and they both turned their attention to me. "What do you want?", the alpha-male behind the steering wheel barked at me in a rude and aggressive tone. I won't lie and tell you that I didn't fantasize (momentarily) about hurting him (just a weeny bit), but fortunately for him (and me), I am not my thoughts. He should personally thank Eckhart for that. For a little while, I just stood there and chose not to say anything at all. I just looked at both of them. He looked increasingly uncomfortable. After a little contemplation time, I stepped forward, bent down towards the open window and said "you should both go now". Or words to that effect.

Vroom, Vroom...

And with that, the tough guy fired up his engine and screeched his tyres as he accelerated away from my drive way. Once he was at a safe distance, he decided to hurl some abuse and profanity my way, while giving me the finger. Boy, he sure showed me. As the charming couple drove away, I pondered what an ugly, unproductive and unnecessary waste of time and energy that experience had been - for all of us. Completely pointless.

Some Things to Consider

1. Arguments (the kind we're talking about today) serve no productive, valuable purpose. They are a complete waste of emotional and physical energy. And valuable time. Not only are they not helpful or productive, they actually put us in a bad place mentally, emotionally and physically. It may or may not surprise you to learn that a disproportionate number of people die from heart attacks while arguing. The common physical response to stressful situations such as arguments is increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, increased respiration, increased cortisol production and increased chance of stroke and heart attack. And therefore, increased risk of death. Doesn't really seem worth it, does it?

2. It takes at least two people to have an argument. Learn to walk away. Walking away doesn't mean that you're weak or that the other person "wins"; it actually indicates you're evolving and showing distinct signs of intelligence!

3. Most "Career Arguers" seek to control and dominate. They are all about imposing themselves on others. For them, logic, truth, intelligence, facts and even your point of view doesn't really come into it. Interestingly, underneath their "tough and aggressive" exterior (facade), they are often insecure, fearful and weak.

4. The only person you can control (or should want to control) is you. Influencing others - good (sometimes). Controlling others - not good. Acknowledge the role you play in your arguments and commit to changing from right now. Even if you're "right", arguing is still a waste of time because the other person isn't listening and isn't receptive to your message. Find a better way. Rather than ramming your thoughts down their throat, ask yourself this question "is this the right time and situation to have this conversation and is he/she receptive to consider what I have to say?". If the answer is no, you're wasting your time and will probably add fuel to the fire.

5. There are much more effective ways of dealing with dominating, controlling types. Once you buy into their argument, you're playing their game and they are in charge. Note: In addressing this topic today, I am not talking about people who are given to physical violence - that's a different discussion altogether. I am talking only about the propensity many of us have to waste far too much time and energy on meaningless, counter-productive, destructive verbal arguments.

6. As harsh as it sounds, a lot of people don't really care about your opinion. Or mine. It's true. And it's okay. Some people don't want to talk with you, they want to talk at you.

7. Sadly, some people (okay, many people) will have the same argument about the same issues with the same people and produce the same less-than-desirable outcomes (frustration, resentment, anxiety, stress, misery), for years. And years. We mostly see this in family situations. That's right; years arguing about the exact same things. You know exactly what and who I'm talking about here. For such evolved creatures (allegedly), sometimes we're pretty stupid.

8. Just because you and I disagree doesn't mean we need to argue or be critical of each other. Neither do we need to "win" each other over to our way of thinking. Productive communication and healthy relationships isn't about winning, controlling or bullying; it's about listening, connecting, respecting and understanding.

So Grasshoppers, your mission from right now (should you choose to accept the challenge) is to avoid all arguments for the next twenty eight days - as step one of your non-arguing journey. Starting.... now!! Let me know if you're in and how you go. If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here.

Thoughts on Wealth

2009-04-09T09:11:00.000+10:00

G'day.

Hello Champions. Well, this week is proving to be an even busier one (for me) than last week was, so once again the blogging has taken a back seat to the stuff that pays the bills. Forgetting that this week is a shortened one - due to the impending visitation of he with the floppy ears, twitchy nose and chocolate eggs - didn't help my overall level of productivity either. Oops. So today's installment will be a brief lesson but you guys can chime in with some additional wisdom and insight by sending in a comment.

Plenty of Money, no Wealth?

Have you ever met a poor rich person? I have. I've worked with plenty of them. That is, people who have lots of money and assets... but not much else. Financially wealthy but emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally and even socially, bankrupt. If you own a mansion (or ten) but you "live" in an over-weight, unhealthy, stressed, anxious, over-worked, sleep-deprived, over-medicated body that's gonna die twenty or thirty years too soon (as many do), are you wealthy or broke? So maybe health equals wealth? Or if you're a billionaire but you live in an unhealthy marriage with a spouse you haven't spoken (nicely) to for a year and three kids who hate your guts because you never see them or invest into their lives, are you really rich or do you just have lots of money? Of course the answer is completely dependant on the criteria by which we personally evaluate wealth and therefore the answer will be different for all of us. And yes, a big bank account can go hand in hand with the "other types" of wealth but so often, it doesn't. Maybe some of us need to change that criteria?

The Cost of Chasing the Dollar

In the pursuit of financial wealth, the cost for some people is... them self. That is, they seem to become their business. Their assets. Their money. Their title. Their achievements. What they do and what they earn and own becomes "who they are". And as long as their identity (and self-worth and self-esteem) is completely tied into their "stuff", they will always be insecure and miserable because all that stuff is temporary. Yep, you and I live in a culture that says "he(she) who dies with the most toys wins". And while we might laugh at that as nothing more than a sarcastic comment, in reality it could be seen as an insightful commentary on the collective mindset that is Australia (USA, Britain, NZ, SA, etc.) in 2009.

But it's Okay to be Rich.... Phew!

Now before my message gets misinterpreted (as it often does) and someone finds a new and exciting way to get offended, I am not in any way being critical of people who have made (and continue to make) a financial fortune or achieved great success in the professional world. In fact, I respect them, their ability and their achievements very much. And of course for us "non-billionaires", setting financial goals, growing a career and building wealth (in the traditional sense) is an intelligent and practical thing to do considering the world in which we live and how that world "works". What I am saying is that if you and I lived in a collective mindset and culture that valued emotional, social, mental, spiritual and physical wealth as highly as we do the sacred bank balance, we just might see a lot less dysfunction, a lot less stress and anxiety, a lot less unhappiness and a lot more "wealthy" people.

Let me know your thoughts on this topic - I'm interested. Enjoy your Easter, do your best not to eat your own body-weight in chocolate (unless of course, it's drizzled over strawberries) and I'll see you crazy funsters on Tuesday. If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here.

P.S. I've just been informed by he-who-must-be-obeyed (Johnnie) that apparently many of our subscribers are struggling to leave comments because there's some kind of problem in cyber-space. So if you're reading this in your in-box (via email) and you would like to leave a comment (aah... go on), then you can overcome that minor technical issue by simply going to my home page and commenting there. The issue should be fixed soon.

Ciao x

Being Solution-Focused

2009-04-07T15:09:00.001+10:00

A Matter of Labels?

Ever noticed how some people seem to inhabit their problems without really looking for a solution? It's like their problems have almost become their identity. The question for you and I today is not "will we have problems" but rather, "what will we do about them?" For most of us they are a daily reality and in many ways, as painful as we make them. In fact, problems aren't actually problems until we make them that; on some level, it's all a matter of labels and perception - how we see things. Some people have constant problems, some have constant experiences, some have constant challenges and others have an ongoing series of life-lessons; all individual interpretations of, and reactions to, the same thing. So how can we consistently produce better results and become more solution-focused?

Here's my top five tips:

1. Consciously choose to find the good. Choose to be the glass half-full person. Knowingly or not, intentionally or not, some people choose misery because they always choose to find the negative. You say something positive and before the last word has left your lips, they are readying themselves with their negative counter-attack.

2. Acknowledge your problems... and then deal with them. Of course I'm not suggesting that we put our head in the sand and ignore the reality of our situation, but I am suggesting that from time to time we all have a propensity to make the easy, hard. When it comes to managing your challenges, choose to be less emotional, more practical and more strategic and you'll turn your situation around in no time.

3. Ask yourself the right questions. The ones that move you towards the solution and away from the problem. The ones that compel you to take positive action. The "what do I need to do in this situation to create the best outcome" question, is always a good place to start. Followed closely by the "what can I learn from this experience" question.

4. Get some perspective. Problems are all relative. Talk to someone who is dying from cancer and you might realise that you don't have too many problems after all. Or that your big problems are actually minor hurdles. A few years back I went to South Africa to work with children who were living with A.I.D.S. In my first hour there I realised how hard I had made my own life and how very few worries I had.

5. Hang out with people who will pull you up, not drag you down. Negativity is contagious. Hang out with negative people and pretty soon you'll be one. As a wise old philosopher once said "why swim in shit when you can fly with the birds"?

Why don't you share a tip with us and tell us how you make sure that you're part of the solution and not the problem. Simply click on the comment thingy below. If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here.

Ciao x

Patience

2009-04-06T11:13:00.002+10:00

The Bit Before the First Bit.

G'day Rockstars. I hope this finds you all 'Living, Laughing, Learning and Loving' to the best of your (amazing) ability. If not, pull your finger out and get that goofy look off your face. Last week was a crazy one for me, so finding the time to plant my considerable frame at this computer wasn't easy. Hopefully this week will be a little more productive on the writing and teaching front. Blogospherically speaking. Today we were due for installment two of our exploratory on Instinctive Intelligence but - it ain't done yet (and a warm hello to all my English teachers). However, it will slide into your inbox some time this week, so panic not.

In breaking news.... for those of you in OZ and near a TV at 10:40 in the a.m. today (Monday), turn that sucker on to Channel Ten and you'll see the ex-fat kid (me) interviewing another ex-fat kid (Adro, past winner of The Biggest Loser). Okay, on with the show...

The First Bit; I Want Patience... right NOW!

I recently spoke with a budding young Professional Speaker (mid 20's) who is yet to do her first paid gig. She came to see me for a little mentoring and guidance and we had a (mostly) productive hour or so. In the course of our chat she informed me that she wanted to be - "where you are now (you being me) - in eighteen months" and that she was "prepared to do whatever it takes". By using the words "where you are" she meant that she wanted to be delivering as many presentations as I do (about one hundred per year) and to be generating a similar level of annual income.

Here's part of our conversation (I'm in black):

"Are you really prepared to do whatever it takes to get there?"
"Absolutely, I'm totally committed"
"What if it takes more time?"
"Aaah..."
"What if it takes ten years... are you still prepared to do whatever it takes - for ten years?"
(Silent pause and shifting in seat)
"I did my first paid speaking gig in 1987, so I've been working hard to become the best speaker I can be for twenty two years and I still have plenty to learn."
"Really?"
"Yep."
"Oh."
"Okay, just for this conversation and for the sake of being realistic and practical, let's exclude luck or unexpected opportunities for the moment (ones that might catapult her to speaking stardom). For now, let's assume that you'll get there by hard work just like the vast majority of successful speakers have done. And by hard work I'm talking about things like consciously developing your speaking skills, studying other speakers, doing freebies, marketing yourself, taking chances, developing and refining your content, building your knowledge base, dealing with rejection and persevering when most would give up. So, based purely on hard work, discipline, a good plan and the right attitude - and assuming that you have a similar level of talent to me - if you work twice as hard as I did (and keep in mind that I worked extremely hard) it might take you eleven years (half the time it has taken me) to get to the point that I'm at now with my speaking career. What do you think of that?"
"Eleven years... wow, I don't know if I could....er.."
"But you said you'd do whatever it takes... what if it takes time?"
"I can't wait that long."
"And that's your problem; you want the results without the work."
(more silence... and a little attitude)
"Impatience and excellence don't go hand in hand, so if you're in a hurry to be a world-class speaker, you may want to consider another career path. By the way, the question is not - can you put in eleven (or twenty) years of hard work - the question is, will you?"

Results Without the Work

The truth is that for the vast majority of us, success is the result of many ingredients, one of the most important being, time. It is my experience that many people are simply not prepared to do what it takes to succeed. Mostly they have the ability (at least to produce better results than they are right now), but apparently they don't have the time or the commitment. We see this being played out in business, in weight-loss, in sport, in marriage, in writing a book, in gaining a qualification, in becoming a great professional speaker, in developing a successful blog, in... life.

Impatient Fat People

Here in the Land Down Under we fatties spend around $2,000,000 every day on weight-loss crap because we want to lose weight but we don't want to sweat, hurt, sacrifice or.... wait. We definitely don't wanna wait. And we all know how effective those rapid weight-loss products prove to be over the long term don't we? If only I could get my hands on some of those supa-mega-fat-blaster 4,000 pills - then - I'd never have to work out again. Have you seen the chick in the Ad? Awesome!!

"She's like... totally... ripped."

And if I had the time and patience, I would also explore the notion of those 'amazing' get-rich-quick schemes but I'm guessin' that by now, you get my point.

More Self-Sabotage

Over the years I have worked with many people who have allowed their impatience to sabotage their dreams and goals. They wanted instant gratification. The rewards with out the effort. The destination minus the journey. Some of them wanted to undo thirty years of unhealthy behaviours, choices and outcomes in three or four weeks and when I gave them a little snapshot of reality - what was really required to get in shape and stay that way - they would go in search of someone who would tell them what they wanted to hear; someone who might provide a quick-fix. I am yet to meet the person who has found a quick-fix that has (1) proven to be successful and valuable over the long term (2) didn't have some significant negative consequence down the track. If not sooner.

A Worthwhile Investment

The very thing that impatient people try to avoid - investing considerable time and energy into the pursuit of their dream - is the exact thing that could have set them up for success over their lifespan had they been prepared to make the effort. The journey (the one they do their best to avoid) and all of it's components - pain, fear, discomfort, mistakes, criticism, success, joy, fun, laughs - is where we learn, grow, adapt and develop the skills, strength, resilience and the winning mindset necessary to consistently produce great results over the long term.

The Million Dollar Question...

Who do you think is more likely to hold on to their money and possibly turn it into much more; (1) the person who has earned a million dollars through developing their own business or (2) the person who has just been given a million dollars? After all, they both have a million dollars so they're both in the same situation right? Wrong. One knows how to create and grow wealth, the other doesn't. Why doesn't she? Because she by-passed the 'learning how to make money' part of the journey and went straight to the 'having money' part. As a result, she doesn't have the skills, experience, understanding, knowledge or mindset to effectively manage or grow her considerable windfall.

The Blog; A Lesson in Patience

When Johnnie (my business partner and webmaster extraordinaire) and I started this blog two and a half years ago, our goal was to create one of the best online personal development resources in the world. And to make it free. Forever. Over the last two and half years, I have written around seven hundred articles exclusively for my readers. That is, you. I do not dish up recycled articles that I have written for mags; everything for this site is original and everything is written starting with a blank page. I would guesstimate that on average I spend somewhere around five hours writing each post (that includes a little planning and research). I often spend much longer. You don't need to be a genius to figure out that I have spent somewhere around 3,500 hours writing since November 2006 - that's the equivalent of writing non-stop, twenty fours hours per day, for five months. And that doesn't include all the other time I have spent developing the blog. Am I extremely talented? No, I'm extremely patient. I'm simply prepared to do what most would-be bloggers won't do; persevere.

If you are an impatient person my advice to you is.... change. For your sake, I hope that you don't let impatience stand in the way of your potential, your passion or your possibilities.

Enjoy your day.

Let me know your thoughts on this article by clicking on the comment thingy below. If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here.

Ciao x

Busy Boy

2009-04-03T07:23:00.003+11:00

Hi Guys. Hope you're enjoying your Friday. Sorry about the lack of post today but it's been a very busy week outside of the blogosphere for your's truly. I'll be back Monday with something mildy amazing (or not) for your consideration. Enjoy your weekend. Group Hug.

Instinctive Intelligence - Knowing Without Thinking (part 1)

2009-04-02T08:46:00.000+11:00

The First Bit

Something for everyone today. For those of you who enjoyed last week's slightly different posts about escaping the cerebral war zone, you might also find today's chat interesting because in many ways it ties in directly with the 'who are we beyond our thoughts' question. And for those of you looking for something a little less esoteric and a tad more practical today, you won't be disappointed either. Giddyup kids.

The Canine Navigation System - CNS

Over the years I have often marvelled at how animals just 'know stuff'. As a kid I remember watching a news story about a dog who fell off the back of a truck without his owner realising what had happened for quite some time. After spending the best part of a day looking for his companion (the owner was on an interstate trip), the devastated man headed back home to share the tragic news with his wife and kids.

Meanwhile...

But little did they all know that while mum, dad and the kids were all at home looking at photos of better times with their fave canine, Rover had dusted himself off, licked his wounds (literally I guess) and was proceeding to make the five hundred(!!) kilometre (300 mile) journey home. And over the course of the following four weeks, that's exactly what he did. That's right; with no Sat Nav, no street directory, no scent to follow, no yummy energy treats along the way and no cash for a doggie cab, the 'dumb dog' made an epic journey that would have killed you and me by day three. Okay, maybe just me. You're right; you would have made at least day four. With all my intelligence (shut up), I wonder how far I would have made it with no ability to speak to anyone, no food, no directions, no ability to read, no money, no phone and no assistance of any kind. I'm guessing, not very far.

What's that noise at the back door?

So imagine the owner's surprise and delight when he heard a familiar bark at the back door a month after his best friend's demise. There to greet him was an exhausted and skinny, but very excited, Rover. The dog who had lost nearly half his body-weight, had somehow managed to do something that to me (as a kid) seemed nothing short of miraculous. I remember asking my father - he who knows everything - "how did the dog manage to find his way home dad"? To which Ron mumbled something about "instinct". Ron - never one to let the facts get in the way of a good story - was actually right. All species, even us Homo Sapiens, have a kind of inbuilt intelligence. That is, a level of knowledge, understanding, awareness of - and proficiency to do - certain things that we've never been taught. Unfortunately, many of us 'un-plugged' ourselves from that intelligence long ago. Some of us have an amazing ability to over-ride our inbuilt intelligence (the messages our body sends us for example) with our conscious stupidity. An obvious example being the person who continues to eat when their body is screaming "please stop"; a case of an intelligent body (yes bodies have amazing intelligence) being handicapped by the poor choices of it's 'owner'. We don't need diet books to lose weight, we simply need to listen to what our body is telling us.

What is Instinctive Intelligence?

Instinctive intelligence is a term that is used in different capacities by different people and my extensive(!) research tells me that there is no universally accepted definition. It's a term that I have been using for years in relation to the work I do with clients (individuals and organisations) so today you're getting the Craig Harper definition. Yes that's right; the Craig Harper Dictionary - out soon in paperback. All four pages of it.

Instinctive Intelligence:

1. The Intelligence that lies beyond thought, education, logic and intellect. Knowing what you haven't been taught.

2. The innate knowing and understanding that exists in all of us. Even if we don't know it exists!

3. Having a level of awareness and consciousness of certain things without actually thinking, processing, assessing or analysing.

Have you ever walked into a room and instantly 'sensed' (before you had an opportunity to think) that something wasn't quite right? You weren't even sure why, but somehow you knew that something was up. Invariably you discover that you were right.

Knowing without thinking... labels.

This kind of 'knowing without thinking' is called different things by different people and for the purpose of this lesson, it's very important that we don't get distracted or sidetracked by the label we give this ability that is given to each of us. I call it Instinctive Intelligence but really, what we call it, is secondary. What is important is that we understand the phenomenon and that we learn to tap into, and benefit from, a kind of intelligence that some of us have been ignoring and wasting for years.

Not sure why but I just 'knew'

Rather than using a term like Instinctive Intelligence, someone like my mother (the very lovely Mary) might say something like "I just felt it in my bones", whereas your garden variety bloke might be more likely to come out with something like "I relied on my gut instinct." And then we might find a more 'Godly' type who heads down the "I heard the voice of the Holy Spirit" road, while the New Age folk might credit some of this knowing to their psychic ability. And of course we've all heard people in our world use terms like "my woman's intuition" or "my sixth sense".

Just wind...

Now before you write in... no, I'm not suggesting that everyone who "feels something in their gut" is automatically experiencing some kind of mystical, magical, life-defining 'down-load' from sources unknown - quite often it's just wind! Okay, that's just me... but what I am saying is that when we genuinely consider that there might be a level of intelligence, awareness and knowing beyond our current understanding of things, then we open the door on a new kind of reality and a new way to do life.

Here's another interesting definition (from a real dictionary):

Intuition: The act or faculty of knowing or sensing without the use of rational processes.

But that doesn't make sense!

When it comes to areas of exploration such as this one, sadly, many people will 'miss out' because this kind of truth doesn't fit comfortably within their frame of reference. Their logic, education and scientific understanding of how stuff works will (in my opinion) preclude them from discovering a whole new world of possibilities and tapping into the genius that lies beneath logic, humanistic thinking, a lifetime of conditioning and our very limited understanding. The truth is none of us really know too much. Let's be honest and humble; of all there is to know and understand in this incredible world of ours, I'm guessing that even the genii among us (a club of which I'm definitely not a member) know less than one percent - which is quite ironic when we consider how academically and intellectually arrogant some people seem to be.

It works how?

Just because we don't completely understand something doesn't mean that (1) it ain't real (2) we can't consider it or (3) we can't benefit from it - which is a great thing for me because if I had to understand how things work before I could use them or benefit from them, then you would never be reading this article, me-dot-com would never exist and I could never make a phone call!

Next time we'll look at:

1. Learning how to 'tune in to' and develop our own Instinctive Intelligence.

2. Some practical, every day examples of Instinctive Intelligence.

3. Another author who has a slightly different (but very interesting) take on this subject. His book is one of my faves.

So perhaps today you (yep even you Lurkers right up the back) can share a (brief) personal story relating to Instinctive Intelligence or simply say hi and share a comment or thought by clicking on the comment thingy below. If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here.

Ciao x

An Interview with a Freak. A Nice Freak.

2009-03-31T12:51:00.005+11:00

G'day Groovers. You may want to get comfy and get yourself a hot drink because this instalment is rather lengthy. Very interesting... but lengthy. At no extra cost to you. Bonus. If you're in need of some inspiration, today's post is for you.

One Saturday Afternoon at the Radio Station...

A couple of years ago, while doing one of my radio gigs, I interviewed a young mountain climber by the name of Cherie Horne. Hosting a live, five-hour, talk-back sport's radio show is kind of hectic (48 minutes of live chat per hour), so when my producer told me before the show that I was interviewing some hard-core "mountain climber" in the third hour, I didn't really give it too much thought. I can't really be sure now, but I'm guessing that when I pictured a "mountain climber", I probably had an image in my mind of some big hairy bloke in a lumberjack shirt, with crazy eyes and at least a couple of fingers missing.

A Pink Shirt!

So you can imagine my surprise when the time arrived and a teeny-weeny blonde lady in a pretty pink top walked into the studio with no crazy eyes, no hairy shoulders and all of her fingers! I looked at her and thought "she's gonna be blown off the mountain" - which clearly highlighted my ignorance regarding mountain climbing and in particular, Cherie Horne. In that twenty minute interview I learned that Cherie was aiming to be one of the very few women in the world to climb the Seven Summits (the highest mountain on each continent).

I won't bore you with all of the post-interview details, but suffice it to say that since that time, not only has Cherie gone on to become one of Australia's elite mountaineers, but she's also become a great friend and one of my Trainers at the Harperdome (my gym). With a background as an ex elite runner (three times national 3,000 metre champion), she is both interesting and inspirational, so I thought you might all like to 'meet' her...

When and why did you start climbing?

I started climbing mountains in 2005. I read an article in the newspaper about a Victorian Police Team's desire to climb Mount Everest in memory of a former colleague and friend. I was always fascinated by mountains and the sheer vastness and beauty of nature. The attraction was too strong to resist; the challenge and adventure of mountaineering excited me! I wondered if there was any possibility that I could join them, walk to base camp (18,370ft) and experience life as part of a true expedition team. Of course there was and I made it happen!

At that stage I was looking for a new sport following my retirement from running and mountaineering filled that void. The sense of adventure associated with travelling the world to climb mountains was compelling and the physicality of the sport was not only interesting and confronting (due to the physiological effects of altitude), but also extremely rewarding. Not to mention opening a whole new world to me; I had never been overseas before, let-alone to one of the most remote and inhospitable environments in the world - Everest Base Camp. Climbing is also a very spiritual experience for me, the solitude and simplicity is both liberating and life-changing. It's as close to Heaven as you can go... before you leave this world, that is.

Which mountain is next? When is it? Tell us about it?

I'm off to climb Denali in just over four weeks. Denali is the Native American word for North America's highest peak. Interchangeably known as Mt McKinley, this beautiful yet dangerous mountain is located close to the Arctic Circle in the mountain chain called the Alaska Range. Denali is the coldest mountain in the world and as challenging to climb as Mount Everest. Many people consider it to be the most dangerous mountain in the world. Wind chill temperatures can drop to -148 degrees. At 6194 metres (20,320 feet) the difference in the barometric pressure (caused by the troposphere being thinner at the poles) at Northern latitudes affects acclimatization. Most of the world's highest mountains are near the equator, Denali is closer to the North Pole. Its latitude is 63 degrees, 35 degrees further north than Everest. On a typical summit day in May, the Denali climber will physiologically be at the equivalent of a 7000m (23,000 feet) Himalayan peak and facing the most extreme weather conditions on earth.
It is the most underestimated mountain on Earth due to high altitudes, geographical location, extreme arctic weather and active glaciations. During peak climbing season (May-June) temperatures can reach -40 degrees Celsius and storms with winds up to 160km per hour that can last for several days. On the summit these figures become even more severe. Cold and uncomfortable is part of the adventure; someday the sun will come out again! Only half who attempt to climb Denali succeed. The climb from base camp to summit on Denali is the longest continuous stretch of any mountain in the world, greater even than Mt Everest! I will climb Denali between May 5th-May 25th, number five on my seven summits list. This mountain has very special meaning to me due to my father's death from brain cancer last year. I will be climbing this mountain in honour and memory of him. I will be part of the Alaska Mountaineering School (AMS) West Buttress Expedition. Five other climbers (all males from North America) will join me on the climb. Only 8% of all Denali climbers are women, which certainly makes you stand out on the mountain! AMS have never had an Aussie female climb with them which is very exciting for me....and them! You can follow my climb via my website.

What's the attraction for climbing?

The challenge. The sense of personal achievement. Getting out of my comfort zone. Way out. Entering the unknown. Experiencing nature, its beauty and harshness. The view from the top of the world......the list goes on! Physically, psychologically and spiritually, I will be tested in a way that's not possible at sea level. There is no more humbling experience on earth than to expose yourself to the elements of high altitude mountaineering. To see with my own eyes the view from the highest point (on each continent) is truly magical. No words can describe it, nor would you want to; you just feel it envelope your entire soul. You can only experience it - and you never forget it. Once you have been to that high place the view from below is never the same.

Is it a dangerous field of endeavour?

Yes of course. But that is not the attraction for me. I want to go to places where most people wouldn't dare go. I want to push myself and discover what I am capable of in positions of discomfort. To me, that is experiencing life to its full capacity. You must be prepared for everything the mountains have to throw at you and then a little more! Only half of the climbers who attempt Denali succeed and reach the summit, but the other half fail, and, on Denali, failure can mean death. Several people die each season on Denali pitting themselves against the mountain and putting their lives at risk. The mountain will push the limits of human survival.

What mountains have you done and what's still on the list?

I have been climbing mountains since 2005; the year I travelled to Nepal with the Victorian Police Everest team and lived at Base Camp for 8 weeks as part of their support team. That's when I fell in love with the mountains and the desire to explore was felt, just like a magnet pulling me to climb. When I returned, my Seven Summit goal was decided and a commitment to climb the highest mountain on each continent of the world was made. The following year, 2006, I climbed Australia's highest mountain Mt Kosciusko and Europe's highest mountain, Mt Elbrus. In 2007 I climbed Africa's Mt Kilimanjaro and in 2008 South America's Mt Aconcagua. I have recently climbed Mt Aspiring in New Zealand as a training climb for Denali. The remaining mountains to complete the list are Vinson Massif (Antarctica) and Mt Everest (Nepal, Asia). I hope to climb Vinson in December this year and Everest next year (pending sponsorship).

How tall are you and what do you weigh?

I am 161cm (5'4") and weigh 53kg (117lbs) ...a little ball of muscle!

Are your dimensions an advantage or disadvantage?

An advantage; I am an 'endurance machine' albeit a small(ish) one! On paper some would argue that I'm too small and lean but I am extremely strong in relation to my body-to-weight ratio. In fact, stronger than many men. On my last 2 climbs (Aconcagua & Mt Aspiring) my guides have been amazed with my strength, determination and endurance as a climber. To have an appreciation of the strength and fitness required for this expedition I will have to climb up a steep crevasse-ridden mountain wearing crampons (pointy sharp things that fit to my boot) with a 30-plus kilo pack (66lbs) on my back, while dragging a 20-plus kilo (44lbs) sled for 5-8 hours each day, for 3 weeks!

What is your long term goal with climbing?

To stand on the highest point of each continent of the world, to successfully complete the Seven Summits. To become a safe and skilled mountaineer and enjoy every moment (even when it gets really tough) the mountains have to offer me.

Do you get scared?

Yes I do! But it doesn't stop me. One of my favourite Buddhist quotes is, "go towards what terrifies you". Fear is a very interesting concept, often felt but not really understood. I believe we should fear nothing which then allows for true living. What really is to fear anyway? All things come to pass; impermanence is a fact of life. In saying this, I certainly have the utmost respect for every mountain I climb; you never under estimate nature. I understand the risks associated with mountaineering and accept the responsibility of taking part in such a sport. For me, the challenge and rewards outweigh the risks; great love and great achievements involve risks.

What are some of the lessor-known facts/challenges when it comes to tackling the toughest mountains in the world?

The physical and elemental challenges associated with high altitude mountaineering are as diverse as they are extreme. Surviving in environments not designed for human existence has obvious consequences. High altitude, the higher you climb the less oxygen there is to breathe (at 6,000m/20,000 feet there's less than half as much oxygen as there is at sea level). This lack of oxygen, called hypoxia, can produce headaches, breathlessness, nausea (a condition called A.M.S-acute mountain sickness). It can also cause H.A.P.E (high altitude pulmonary oedema) and H.A.C.E (high altitude cerebral oedema); more serious conditions which can result in death.
Arctic temperatures (frost bite and hypothermia are major concerns), extreme winds, rapidly changing weather patterns, glacier travel over huge snow-covered crevasses, avalanches, prolonged winter camping and isolation from familiarity are the other major challenges. Simple daily activities such as getting dressed, eating and preparing meals take so much energy and effort. Just going to the toilet is a very strategic exercise (I best save the details). Everything in the mountains is a challenge which takes thought and consideration. All these combined are a constant strain on climber's bodies and minds. Humans can only survive in Denali's extreme cold and punishing conditions for so long. 3 weeks will do it for me!

There is a saying in mountaineering, "The mind remembers, the body forgets". Climbing mountains of this nature pushes you to limits beyond appreciation, it is life-changing and you certainly see the world (when you get down from the mountain) in a very different light. A new appreciation for life is permanently etched forever; mountains change you (and lure you back)!
There is also the long procedure of (6-12months) planning and logistics, climbing permits, travel itinerary, accommodation (off the mountain), medical resources, obtaining supplies and equipment and of course physical and psychological training. Finally when you get on the mountain you must have good judgement and common sense to stay not only safe but alive!
In saying all this I can't wait, I'm going "into the wild". Denali here I come!

The Last Bit

Last Sunday (two days ago) I went for a training session with the pocket rocket. For two hours we traversed hills, stairs, soft sand, steep ramps and some very inhospitable dirt tracks. Gotta say, I did pretty well for a middle-aged fat bloke. You know it's all about the only child. The whole time I carried a back-pack with some car keys, a shirt and a bottle of water - a grand total of about 0.5 kilos (1lb). Or 0.5% of my body-weight. Quite the effort for the cardio king.

What's that? You want to know about Cherie? Yeah, she did okay.

Oh alright, Miss Smarty Pants completed the entire session with a 35 kilo (77lb) pack on her teeny weeny back. That's about 75% of her body-weight! Stupid I know. And yes, we got some funny looks from passers by; the big Neanderthal with the pissy little back pack and the diminutive climber with a pack bigger than her! Can you imagine walking up and down hills for two hours with 75% of your body-weight on your back? Freaky.

Enjoy your next workout.

You can leave a comment, share your thoughts or wish Cherie well by simply clicking on the link below. If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here.

Note: Yes, that is Cherie in the photos. She hates the dorky PR 'glamour' shot but she'll get over it. FYI, that particular photo is a year or so old and since that time she has gained about five kilos of muscle. At the moment she looks like a little gymnast.

Ciao x

2009... 1/4 down, 3/4 to go.

2009-03-30T16:54:00.004+11:00

The First Bit

Today's article could have been one of those hand-holding, feel-good "I can tell you what you want to hear" posts, or it could have been an "I can tell you what you need to hear" instalment. Of course I've gone for option two, so if you're feeling a little fragile and precious then you might want to (1) take your 'Suck It Up Princess' T-shirt out of the cupboard or (2) head back to bed. As we continue to deal with the practical and often uncomfortable issues and challenges of creating the positive change we want to see in our world (our best life), it's crucial that we take strategic pit-stops along the way; designated times when we stop what we're doing and consciously step back from our day-to-day reality to take an objective, honest and un-emotional look at how we're tracking and progressing. That is, a brutal self-assessment where we take an objective look at our decisions, reactions, relationships, behaviours, habits (good and bad) and most importantly, the type of results we're currently producing in our world. Have we followed through on the initial commitments we made? Have we done what we said we would? Are our day-to-day behaviours and decisions consistent with, and reflective of, our core values and goals? If not, why not? Are we still self-sabotaging? Still making excuses? Are we walking the talk? Asking the right questions? Finding the solution, rather than inhabiting the problem? Being the change we want to see in our world? Persevering, when most are giving up?

Or are we doing what we did last year?

2009 x 24.4% = Today!

So if my calculations are right, as of today, we're eighty nine days into 2009. Yep, our year is officially 24.4% done and if January intentions mean anything, then our 'best life' should be bearing down on us at a rapid rate; the one we vowed to create eighty nine days ago. Wait.... is that it I can see on the horizon? Nope, it's a tree. Isn't it great that this year has been so different to our last ten years - you know, all those years when we didn't get the job done. The years when we let ourselves down. Again. The ones when we kept making excuses and rationalising why we didn't do what we said we would. Yes indeedy, it's so great that we've all followed through on those New Year's resolutions, maintained our focus and stayed true to our commitment to turn our lives around, deal with those destructive behaviours and get the job done once and for all. No matter what. Finally. Phew. And of course it's also fantastic that those of us who wanted (needed) to drop some lard are so much leaner, lighter, healthier and in control of everything. Isn't it?

Hello?

Testing, testing... (tap, tap, tap).. is this thing turned on?

But You Don't Understand.. MY LIFE...

Is that the sound of wheels falling off wagons I can hear? Or perhaps it's the sound of arms being crossed in the defensive you-don't-understand-my-situation-you-big-tool... pose? Or could it be the sound of readers walking away from sarcasm-is-me-dot-com? Possibly all three?

Yes, it is my objective to push a few buttons today, so if you are in the minority who has actually followed through, done what you promised to do and are fulfilling your potential, then (1) good for you and (2) come back tomorrow - this article ain't for you. If you are in the majority who needs a quarterly reality check, a mild kick in the butt and a little perspective and honest self-assessment on your 2009 performance and results thus far, then you may wanna stick around for another minute or two.

The Key to Lasting Change: Perseverance.

For the majority of us, what typically stands between us and success over the long term is not the talent thing, not the getting started thing and not the knowing what to do thing, it's the finishing what we have started thing. Far too many of us have spent our entire adult life (to this point) not finishing (most) things. We have become professional starters. Only to find ourselves five, ten or even twenty years down the track still talking (talking, talking), still making countless resolutions but never actually delivering on all those promises. And still getting mad at people like me who speak the truth about such issues without trying to water it down. I know I'll never win the PC blogger of the year award but I don't care. After watching far too many people go around in circles with the same issues for years, I decided long ago that it was necessary to bypass the feel-good (and ultimately pointless) bullshit and address real-life issues in a practical and authentic way. A little thing I call... honesty. Novel, I know.

Putting Our Life on the Hoist

While it's important that we set goals, have a plan and get those wheels turning on our dreams, it's also crucial that every now and then (today for example) we pull our life into the garage, turn off the engine, put it up onto the hoist, step out of our busy-ness for a moment, get some perspective and see if our life is 'driving' the way we intended it to when we pulled away from the start line on January 1 this year. Sure, we're all pretty good at starting stuff... it's just the 'keeping going' bit that seems to be something of a hurdle for us. Professional starters, that's what we are; a nation of people who start things we don't finish - that's why I can safely predict that Australia will have more obesity at the end of 2009 than it did at the beginning, despite that fact that on January 1, four million of us (1/5 of the population) went on a diet, vowing to lose weight. How do I know this? Because it's what we do every year. Obesity is not an education or resources issue, it's a perseverance, discipline and attitude issue. And until we choose to persevere, no mater what, we will continue to inhabit that world of frustration, regret and futile repetition. Creating life-long change is not about finding the right day to start (Jan. 1 for instance), it's about finding the right mindset.

Some Interesting Things I've Learned as a Coach:

1. Most people make excuses. Often.

2. Most people lie and/or exaggerate about behaviours and performance. Regularly. Some people do it incessantly. Being completely honest and transparent about our behaviours means being completely responsible for our situation - and who wants that!

3. Most people get in their own way.

4. Getting angry or getting educated is a choice.

5. Being precious, reactive and easily offended won't help you lose weight. In fact, it won't help you achieve anything except misery.

6. Your potential is fixed. How much of that potential you use, is completely optional.

7. Their is no perfect time, only a perfect attitude.

8. Strategically stepping back from our life and taking stock of the practical reality of our situation is an under-rated and neglected component of the success journey.

2009.25... 2009.5... 2009.75.... 2010!

In a 'minute', it will be 2010 and this moment you're inhabiting right now, will exist no more. If you are serious about change, serious about exploring your potential and serious about creating amazing results in your world, then my advice to you is to get over your fear, your excuses, your explanations and your procrastination, and do what you know you should have done long ago. Stop screwing around today. Stop finding creative ways to be offended today. Stop with the self-pity today. And stop wasting your precious ability, creativity, talent and time today.

By the way, hurdles, challenges and problems are not reasons.

Say hi and let us know how you're travelling. Are the wheels still on your wagon? You can leave a comment by simply clicking on the link below. If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here.

Ciao x

Moving Towards Consciousness and Calm - the last bit (for now)

2009-03-27T09:19:00.003+11:00

Before we start

Hi Groovers. Last Thursday we had a little fun with an article called - Twenty Three Things You Ladies (Probably) Won't Hea r From Your Bloke. Anyway, I forgot to award the promised prize for our best reader contribution. Oops. After much reviewing, deliberation and heated discussion among our extensive judging panel (Johnnie and I), we've gone with Suz from Sydney for her amusing additions to our list. Well done girl. Contact the bald bloke via email and let him know if you'd prefer the ~~trip for two to the Bahamas~~ T-shirt, book, CD or DVD. And thanks to the rest of you for getting involved - you guys are pretty funny.

Today's post...

Today's instalment may be a teensy-weensy bit weird for some of you; it's almost weird for me - and I wrote it! So if you've arrived here at me-dot-com today in search of a traditional butt-kicking, motivational-type article, you may wanna come back Monday. Or Tuesday. Wednesday perhaps. Anyway, if you're ~~weird~~ brave enough, strap in and hold on.

CJ's Mum

I'm having some fun this week exploring the concept of a life beyond the cerebral chaos - and apparently, so are many of you. Cool. The other day we received a very interesting comment from one of our readers - 'CJ' - regarding all this getting-out-of-our-thoughts stuff.

Here's part of it:

"2 years ago my mum suffered a breakdown of sorts and lost all her memory, she woke up with just what she had, she could still talk and write etc but she had no history. I have honestly never known my mum happier in my life time, there had been so much negative in her life it affected her each and every day, when there was none of that to bring her down she literally seemed lighter, she smiled all the time and was just so happy being in the moment."

"I'm not saying we should all have breakdowns, but I am mentioning this because she was still the same body, same life, same base personality but the change in her thoughts made an amazing difference to the woman she was."

Thanks for sharing that story with us CJ, it's a perfect illustration of the impact our thoughts can have on, not only our overall level of happiness, but our entire reality. In an instant your mum went from being an unhappy prisoner of her thoughts (the painful past that lived on in her head) to, in your words - "I have honestly never known my mum happier in my life time"

Letting Go

"Never been happier"; that's a significant statement isn't it? Imagine that, moving from misery to happiness in one day. And the only change was an internal one; letting go (completely) of her past. Or should I say more accurately, letting go of her destructive (fearful, anxious, painful) thoughts. Of course we wouldn't recommend the method (a breakdown) but what this story teaches us is that sometimes, happiness has nothing to do with our current external reality and everything to do with the reality we create - and continue to inhabit - in our head. Once CJ's mum stopped dragging the pain of her past around, she walked out of that emotional and cerebral prison and into calm, joy and freedom. Nice.

As I have shared a few times before...

Happiness doesn't come from desperately chasing it, but rather from letting go of that which makes us unhappy

... just as we saw with CJ's mum.

Okay, here's where it may get a little weird for some of you...

In his book The Power of Now, Eckart Tolle suggests that the past doesn't actually exist, but rather that it's merely a mental concept we have created. All that exists and all that will ever exist, is the now. The only place you and I will ever live (live being a verb), that is - do, be, create, interact, communicate, breathe, laugh, touch, love - is in this present moment; right here, right now. Think about it... you and I can't do, be, create, interact, communicate, breathe, laugh, touch or love in the past, because we can't exist there - because it doesn't exist. And when you had that argument with your partner last Wednesday, that wasn't the past, that was the now. Every event in your life has always taken place in the now. The past is merely our mind's way of replaying a series of events (in the form of mental images) that all happened in the now.

Our version of 'the past'

The only place that the past - what we commonly understand as the past - can have any influence, control or power over us, is in our mind - because that's the only place it 'lives'. The past can't make us unhappy, only we make us unhappy - because the past is no more. Neither can events of the past make us miserable in the now because they simply don't exist. The pain (of what we understand as the past) is no more - unless we allow it to become a permanent resident in our mind. Just ask CJ's mother; "She smiled all the time and was just so happy being in the moment" - because for the first time, she was living totally in the now.

Okay, I kind of get it - so what 's the point?

Well, there are several truths and insights that we can take away from this:

1. By living in the past - you know, the one that doesn't exist - we are missing out on the now - you know, the one that does exist!

2. Too often we hand over power, energy, joy and precious time to those destructive thoughts that pull into our petrol station (see Monday's post). Then one day we wake up and we're five years older, just as miserable (or worse) and still 'inhabiting' the same place.

3. Knowingly or not, intentionally or not, we create our own reality. And in doing so, we create our own misery... or happiness.

4. Misery isn't the result of situations, circumstances or events but rather our thoughts about (internal response to) those things.

Thought isn't you... it's just thought

I'll finish with a quote from Eckhart:

At the heart of the new consciousness lies the transcendence of thought, the newfound ability of rising above thought, of realizing a dimension within yourself that is infinitely more vast than thought. You then no longer derive your identity, your sense of who you are, from the incessant stream of thinking that in the old consciousness you take to be yourself. What a liberation to realise that "the voice in my head" is not who I am.

Then who am I? The one who sees that. The awareness prior to thought, the space in which the thought - or the emotion or sense perception - happens. (Taken from A New Earth)

I already know that this subject is one which will continue to elicit a wide range of responses and reactions; that's okay. I also know that, while it's not always a comfortable, easy or conventional exploration, the journey to discover who we are and what we can become beyond our thoughts, is not only an exciting one, but potentially, the most important 'trip' we will ever take. Over the next few months we will periodically come back and chip away a little further at this topic. I'll do my best not to give you a brain-ache. Promise.

Say hi or leave a comment by simply clicking on the link below. If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here.

Enjoy your weekend Groovers,

Ciao x

Moving Towards Consciousness and Calm; the Next Bit

2009-03-25T10:25:00.001+11:00

The Feathers Fly

I know, I know... I've thrown the philosophical cat among the pigeons with Monday's post. Some of you are confused, some have a headache, some are reading it for the tenth time, a few are one step closer towards consciousness and one or two are a little excited. Sorry about that. It seems that the whole notion of "being the observer and not the inhabitor of our thoughts" is not one that's easy for all of us to digest... which is understandable when we consider that many of us have never been exposed to this type of message before. In some way, shape or form, most of us have been 'taught' that we are our thoughts, so on some level it may be the only reality we know and understand.

Before we proceed....

Before I continue with this little exploration, I want to clear up a few things that seem to be issues for some people (off the back of Monday's instalment):

1. I'm not suggesting that we pursue a life devoid of thought; thinking is actually kind of important. And unavoidable. However, not all thinking benefits us or serves us well.

2. I am suggesting that we recognise thoughts for what they are; theoretical concepts, ideas, possibilities - not (necessarily) literal realities.

3. Thoughts only have the power (influence, control, impact, relevance) over our life that we allow them to have. Of themselves, thoughts are meaningless and powerless until we attach meaning to them and give them power. That's why the 'thought' of speaking to a large audience might be terrifying for you and exciting for me. It's not about that particular thought (in this case, public speaking), it's about the emotion that you and I individually attach to that idea and the meaning we each give it. Capiche?

4. I'm not suggesting that we endeavour to make an instant shift from chronic over-thinker to enlightened being by next Tuesday, what I am suggesting is that we allow ourselves to consider who and what we are beyond our thoughts.

A Different Truth

The truth is that when we're presented with an idea or concept (such as this one) that doesn't necessarily fit into our 'box' - the one we've built to inhabit and the one that tells us how the world and everything in it works - it has the potential to rock our boat and challenge our core beliefs and current level of understanding. And most of us hate that. We hate it because we like to feel safe, certain and comfortable, and our core beliefs and understanding give us that. So when someone walks into our world and says "hey, perhaps there's another way, another truth, another reality", we can have the propensity to get a little defensive about, and protective of, our beliefs. After all, those beliefs (the way we look at the world) are the foundation for our reality, so when someone challenges our beliefs, then they challenge our reality.... and that is gonna give us a headache.

What Reality?

By the way, there is no universal reality. We each create our own reality - consciously or not. While we all inhabit this physical, three-dimensional world, we actually do most of our 'living' in our head. That's why two people in the same situation, circumstance and environment will often inhabit a totally different 'reality' because their personal experience has little to do with what appears (to the rest of us) to be happening externally, and everything to do with what's going on internally. That is, their interpretation of, and reaction to, their external world and the happenings of that world. That's why the same 'event' can be a lesson for one person and a disaster for someone else.

Too Much Thinking About Not Thinking

One of the mistakes we make in the getting-out-of-our-thoughts process is that we try to over-intellectualise (rationalise and explain with our very logical mind) something that has nothing to with academic intelligence, logic or reason and everything to do with the 'us' that exists beyond our thinking, reasoning mind. The us that just.... IS. That's right; the you that exists beyond your thoughts. When we take away your knowledge, your very specific education, your current understanding of the world, your beliefs and your intellect, do you still exist? Is there a 'you' that exists beyond your mind? Could it be that there is another kind of intelligence in you and me; a knowing and an understanding that lives in a place beyond logic, beyond our humanistic conditioning, beyond our Western thinking and beyond our current level of understanding and development? Could it be that in some ways, intelligence, as we understand it, is over-rated (from the point of view of achieving happiness, inner peace, contentment and a greater consciousness)? Could it even be that logic has the capacity to stand between us and personal transformation; the kind that works from the inside-out. Indeed, sometimes the logical mind can be a destructive place to inhabit.

So Why is the Motivator Guy Writing About This Stuff?

I know that writing these types of articles is something of a risk, in that, not everybody will identify or connect with the message. And that's okay. I also know that I run the risk of losing a reader here or there who's after more mainstream personal development stuff. Sure I could churn out yet another post on attitude, goal-setting, time-management, communication or even one of those gems on how to get a smaller ass in three weeks, but we already have a library full of those kinds of articles here at me-dot-com (see article library menu option). The truth is that right now I'm on a little journey of discovery myself, so I thought I might take those of you who would like to join me, along for the ride. Hope you don't mind.

And panic not you hard-core personal development types, there are still many more 'typical' personal development articles to come; just not this week.

Learning to Unlearn

Knowing that it's okay (necessary even) to unlearn and let go of things that I've held on to for forty something years has been incredibly liberating for me. As soon as I let go of the need to be 'right' and 'certain' - about how things work or should work - I began to learn like never before. Realising that it's okay (normal in fact) to not know or understand most things was also an integral part of the journey for me. As soon as I acknowledged that perhaps some (or much) of my existing understanding and 'knowledge' was... er... incomplete, it enabled me to have a much more fearless approach to my own personal transformation journey. Dispensing with my fear, my ego and my previously inflexible beliefs has allowed me to see old things in a completely new way.

Exercise for the Day

Okay, today (if you're so inclined) I want you to attempt one of the most basic and common (but not necessarily easy) getting-out-of-your-thoughts exercises - focusing on your breathing; a simple meditation.

Here's the drill:

1. Sit on the floor, a chair or the ground if you're outside (nature is great for this process). Or you can kneel if you don't have dodgy forty five year-old knees like someone we both know. If you go for the chair option (which I wouldn't), make sure it's not a comfy, falling-asleep kind of chair. If you want to sit cross-legged and you're not used to it, you may wanna put a cushion or two under your butt. I'm a one-cushion guy.

2. Ensure that your environment is as quiet as you can make it (no phone, TV, radio, etc).

3. Sit (or kneel) with a relatively upright posture - avoid the slump factor.

4. Just sit there for a moment (maybe a minute or two) and notice the busy-ness of your mind.

5. Now do your best to have an awareness of your thoughts without being in them. Picture them on the other side of your fence (see Monday's post).

6. Now take your attention away from your thoughts and turn it towards your breathing. Just notice your breathing for a moment. Nothing else. Every time you feel your focus slipping away from your breathing and back into your thoughts, gently take yourself back to your breathing.

7. Clear your mind and now focus solely on your breathing. In and out. Nothing else. Calm and relaxed. See if you can make it for one minute (yep one!) without a single thought interrupting your bliss. When you've mastered a minute, progress to two, three, four and so on. If you can (well, we know you can but the question is will you?), find ten minutes twice a day for the next seven days to lose yourself in your breathing. Let me know how you go with the getting (totally) out of your thoughts thing - I still struggle sometimes.

Say hi or leave me a comment by simply clicking on the comment thingy below. If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here.

Ciao x

Moving Towards Consciousness and Calm

2009-03-23T07:58:00.007+11:00

When Thinking Gets in the Way

Lately I've written much about the chaotic mind, the propensity we have to over-think and the inability so many of us have to escape the internal noise, get out of our thoughts and find our way back to a little tranquility. Or as Happy Gilmour calls it, our Happy Place. Being constantly trapped in our stinkin' thinkin' can be a ticket to depression, anxiety and stress... not to mention the possibility of those less-than-desirable decisions, behaviours and outcomes. If you're a chronic over-thinker, you know exactly what I'm talking about. All too often our thinking gets in the way of our happiness and our peace of mind. And our career. And relationships. And potential. And health. And... the list goes on.

The realisation that "I am not my thoughts" can be a very liberating one for people who not only identify strongly with their thoughts, but actually become their thoughts. In case you've never been told, I'll tell you now:

"You are not your thoughts and your thoughts are not you."

Thought Happens

Thought happens automatically, independently and continually, as do all of our internal processes - circulation, respiration, chemical reactions, sweating, vaso-constriction and dilation, digestion, healing... and many more. Yes we can choose what we do with, or about, our thoughts, and yes we can 'manage' our cerebral landscape to a point, but the human condition means that thoughts will constantly arrive in our head, like a never-ending stream of cars pulling into a petrol (gas) station. And naturally, many of those cars aren't vehicles we wanna drive.

What the?

We've all had those completely weird "where-the-F-did-that-thought-come-from" moments. Surely you remember that time when you fantasized about killing your annoying neighbour because he played his music so loud... okay, maybe that was just me.

I knew I shouldn't watch Dexter before bed.

Of course there is also conscious thinking on our behalf - which usually comes in the form of problem solving, strategic planning, memory recall and organisational thinking, but in truth, much of what happens at that gas station above our shoulders is - despite us.

It just happens. And happens. Like waves crashing on the beach.

Finding our Way to Consciousness

The beginning of consciousness and inner freedom is having an 'awareness' of our thoughts without necessarily being completely identified with them. Observing them without being 'in' them. The relevant picture I have in my mind is of me standing on one side of an old timber fence, with my arms and chin perched on the top. On the other side of the fence my thoughts parade by me like models on a catwalk. They are unaware of me but I can see them clearly. They are mine but they are not me.

In this place, I am merely an observer of my thoughts.

In this place I have the choice of investing time, energy and emotion into those thoughts... or not.

The Observer

Once I become the observer and not the inhabitor of my thoughts, I have the ability to move from mental and emotional incarceration, to total freedom. Freedom to create an existence beyond the confines of my conditioning, my social programming, my fears and my (once) destructive thinking. Freedom to create an identity, reality and purpose beyond my chaotic mind. And freedom to discover who I am and what I can become, beyond my thoughts.

Feel free to borrow my fence.

Coming Up...

Over the next week or two, I will be sharing some practical and effective strategies for escaping the mayhem that is (often) our thoughts; techniques for being the calm in your storm. I realise that for some of you, this kind of information is 'old news' and for others, it's possibly a little weird and confronting. It was for me too. Especially 'me' the Scientist. Today I merely wanted to open the door on a fascinating area; an area that once understood and embraced, can be life-changing. Your moving-toward-consciousness exercise for this week is to do your best to recognise thoughts as they pull into your station without being them. Being the observer of your thoughts (looking over the fence) without 'being them' allows you to avoid the emotional buy-in. That is, the place where we attach fear, anxiety, anger, resentment and a range of other destructive emotions (and subsequent behaviours) to those thoughts.

Let me know your thoughts by simply clicking on the comment thingy. If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here.

Ciao x

Using Music to Escape the Cerebral Chaos

2009-03-20T12:08:00.002+11:00

Hello Grasshoppers.

So it seems that yesterday I opened Pandora's box. No jokes you Aussie girls. Apparently I provided a forum for the frustrated and angry women of the world to vent and didn't you all give it a red hot crack! It's a good thing that: (1) we blokes aren't precious (2) we typically have a low E.Q. so we actually think you girls are joking and (3) most of us don't read Craig's blog so we don't know that we should be offended. One day next week I'll be offering up the 23 things that blokes probably won't hear from their girls. I may need some help. I'll letcha know. I'll announce the winner of the T-shirt on Monday (re yesterday's post)... so feel free to keep venting!

A Monday Prequel

On Monday I'll be sharing a message about escaping the chaos that is our thoughts, and opening the door on the topic of moving towards consciousness. It's an area of great interest to me and I know that most of you will find it relevant, meaningful and helpful. I also know that some of you will find it confronting and challenging. And a few will think it's completely weird! On the practical matter of getting out of our thoughts, I am regularly asked how I do it. Over the next few weeks, I will be exploring some simple, yet effective techniques, for moving beyond the chaos of the cerebral and into the calm of consciousness. And while there is no one 'best' universal method, for me, one thing that works every time, is music. Providing of course, it's music that I connect with.

Lost in the Music

Music has always been an escape for me. A refuge; a place to get away from my thoughts for a while and just be. I have played guitar since I was about eight and there's always one close at hand. I work from two offices, one at the gym and one at home, and there's a guitar at each. While there are many effective techniques for moving beyond our thoughts, I find that music can take me from chaos to calm in a matter of seconds if I allow it to. Today I just wanted to share with you one of my 'meditations' from a musician named Andy McKee. You may hate or love his music depending on your personal taste. He is an incredible guitarist who I came across here on the net and I have been listening to him for a while. His style is indeed unique but the sound that he and his instrument create is beautiful. For me anyway. Three minutes of Andy is like a mini holiday for me. If you really want to see someone who is totally out of his thoughts, take a look at Andy play; it's like he and his guitar have morphed into one big expression of creative genius. I hope you enjoy one of my fave escapes.

Take a listen by clicking on the play thingy below.

Feel free to leave a comment and share your thoughts on...

1. What you think of Andy's music
2. Your fave getting-out-of-your-thoughts music
3. Your most effective getting-out-of-your-thoughts technique
4. Anything that's on topic

If you're not sure how to do the comment thing, click here.

Enjoy your weekend...

Ciao x

Twenty Three Things You Ladies (Probably) Won't Hear From Your Bloke

2009-03-19T08:58:00.001+11:00

Some Momentary Mirth

It's been mentioned that some of the more recent instalments here at me-dot-com have been a little intense and heavy and it's been suggested (thanks Ben, et al) that I should periodically lighten the vibe with some occasional mirth, frivolity and silly-ness. Being as I have a Master's in Silly-ness (Ms.S) and a PhD. in Sarcasm, I thought that sounded like an easy addition to the roster. I'm only too happy to slip out of my coaches cap and into my yellow woolly wig and my big red shoes for a day.

But We're Perfect...

Knowing what amazing communicators we blokes are, how many issues we don't have, how completely honest we are, how emotionally evolved we have all become (thanks Dr. Phil), how great we are with feedback and direction and how willing we are to learn, I knew it might be a tough assignment to try and poke fun at the males of the species, but I've given it a go nonetheless.

Okay, here we go...

Twenty three things you're not likely to hear come out of your Bloke's mouth:

1. Would you like to drive Honey?

2. Sex? No - thanks for the offer, but I really want to finish this vacuuming.

3. I'd really like to talk to you about how I'm feeling and where this relationship is going.

4. Sorry, it was totally my fault.

5. Wow, you're absolutely right; he really is good looking isn't he?

6. Can you please turn that sport down Sweetie, I'm trying to meditate and focus on my breathing.

7. Gee, I wish I was as smart as your Father.

8. What's that? You crashed my new car into the garage wall? That's okay, as long as you're not hurt. It's only a stupid Porsche.

9. How about you sit down for a while and let me make dinner?

10. Hey Honey, see that guy over there? He could totally kick the shit out of me.

11. Sorry about that fart; totally not funny and completely inappropriate. It won't happen again.

12. Have you seen my Louise L. Hay book? I think I left it lying around with my Eckhart Tolle CD.

13. Darl, I'm off to the doctor for a prostate exam. Would you like me to do the shopping for you on the way home?

14. I want you to tell me all about how you're feeling... and I have all day.

15. I just realised what a big ego I have. How embarrassing.

16. Is it okay if we just cuddle tonight?

17. You're right; I really am insecure.

18. Do we have any more of that delicious tofu?

19. A three-way with your hot girlfriend? No way, that's disgusting.

20. Do you want to watch Pretty Woman again tonight?

21. Cage fighting? What's that?

22. Did I mention what a loser I was at high school and how bad I was at sport?

23. I know I'm bad at sex and I'm really sorry about my small penis.

Okay, I'm sure you have at least one addition to add to our silly list. Perhaps a little gem that will make us fall off our computer stools in fits of laughter with severe abdominal cramping. For the clever-ist addition (yep, a term), I will get the bald man to send you a T-Shirt. Even if you live in Siberia. And a big... er... warm(?) hello to my Siberian readers.

As always, leave your hilarious, witty and entertaining contribution by simply clicking on the comment thingy. If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here. Also feel free to share something completely unhilarious (I often do).

Ciao x

A letter to the Parent Blamers of the World

2009-03-18T10:13:00.002+11:00

Dear Parent Blamer,

Firstly let me say, stop it.

It's pathetic and pointless. And for the rest of us innocent bystanders... very annoying.

To be completely honest, we're sick of your whining, your complaining, your anger, your victim mentality and your inability to see that your current attitude (not some historical event) is your biggest problem. We're also sick of you blaming your (current) bad behaviour on your parents. What's standing between you and success right now is YOU. Not your folks, not your history... you. And the fact that you think THEY have sabotaged your life and are somehow responsible for your (current) stupid behaviours and less-than-desirable outcomes, wreaks of denial, immaturity and delusion.

Yes, we all get that your childhood, or parts thereof, sucked - welcome to the world's largest club.

We also get that your old man was periodically a completely insensitive, uncommunicative *%#@* at times. Sadly, that's what (many) fathers do. And yep, we know that your mother was a selfish cow that time when you were in the eighth (and ninth and tenth) grade; it happens.

Okay, let's be honest and blunt... some parents are crap. And yes, many of us have been hurt - physically, emotionally and/or psychologically - by our parents. I am not suggesting that you deny your past, but I am suggesting that you don't live there. It'll kill you. In ten different ways. Some people have been inhabiting the seventies and eighties and re-visiting their childhood for the last few decades.

No matter how much you think your parents deserve your anger, vitriol and resentment, I'm telling you (1) it serves no positive purpose (2) it will hurt you more than them (3) stop being a big, immature, stupid baby and (4) you and only you, are responsible for your current reality - no matter what your parents have or haven't done to you, or for you.

Even though you may have a very good 'reason' to be eternally pissed at your folks, I'm saying let it go anyway. Move on. And it's not about what they do or don't deserve; it's about what you deserve. If you want to destroy your potential, your enthusiasm, your optimism and your hope, then become a chronic Parent Blamer. Hang on to that hurt, no matter what!

Or you could let me save you some serious time and pain and just believe me when I tell you that being a Parent Blamer is a pointless, destructive, pathetic waste of your potential and emotional energy. And if you're not careful, a waste of your life. It will destroy you from the inside out. It's true; some people will die angry, bitter, resentful and tortured souls because they never found a way to let go of the self-perpetuated - yep, read that clearly, self-perpetuated - misery. When you're still desperately holding on to emotional crap from years ago, it's YOU that's the problem. When you're twenty five, thirty five or fifty five and you're still thinking, talking and behaving like a teenager who's mad at their parents, you need a big reality check.

The only thing you can change about the past, is how you let it affect you now.

You may wanna read that again.

Over the years I have worked with people who have blamed their parents for everything from their poor communication skills, dysfunctional relationships, destructive habits and violent behaviours, to their fat body and poor eating habits. What!!! Do you not have a brain in your head? Are you incapable of independent thought? Can you not make your own decisions, choose your own behaviours and be responsible for your own existence? Surely you feed yourself these days? Surely you have some control over what comes out of your mouth? And surely you can choose to do, be and create different in your world.

Perhaps your parents taught you how not to be?

Let me say that I totally understand that your parents weren't always what they should or could have been for you as a child (caring, supportive, forgiving, understanding, loving, available, guiding, honest). You have my sympathy and understanding but you're not alone. You're in a very large majority. The problem with parents is that they're flawed and that whole 'being human' thing kind of gets in the way of parental perfection. If only parents were cyborgs.

Today's article is the result of an inordinate amount of recent conversations I've had with people who are hell-bent on blaming their parents for every aspect of their own miserable and dysfunctional existence. Sometimes the vitriol, the anger, the resentment and dare I say, the absolute hatred, that people hang on to (for decades) amazes and saddens me.

The parental blame game is a slippery slope of self-pity, self-destruction and futility that's played by far too many people to their own detriment. It's a game you're advised to avoid.

Hope this letter finds you well,

Craig.

Feel free to share your thoughts or to blame me for something. If you're a reformed Parent Blamer I'd reaaaally love to hear from you. If you're not sure how to do the comment thing, click here.

Ciao x

Five Ways to Create Momentum

2009-03-17T10:03:00.001+11:00

Human Statues

In order to get anywhere - either literally or metaphorically - we need to create and maintain a certain level of momentum. Sitting in your very-capable Porsche won't get you anywhere unless you choose to start the engine, engage a gear (or six), steer the car and operate the pedals. In my time as a coach, trainer and teacher I've encountered many people who have not only been sitting in their Porsche for decades, but they've never even opened the garage door! Such a massive waste of talent, power and time. The person who doesn't find a way to create momentum is the person who won't realise their dreams, move forward or explore their potential. Sadly, some people will spend their lives sitting in neutral, almost doing something but never really doing anything significant. Talent, opportunities, ideas and even brilliance will amount to nothing if we fail to create and maintain momentum. Consider the person in your life (past or present) who is/was always talking about their grand plans for greatness, success and change in their world. You know; the one who is great at the theory (the talking bit) but not so good at the practical (the doing bit).

Here's some momentum-creating suggestions that work... if you work.

1. Take that first step and keep stepping. As anyone with a basic understanding of physics will tell you, maintaining momentum is significantly easier than creating it. The first step is both the scariest and the most empowering. It's also the most important. Procrastination is the enemy of potential, the refuge of the weak and a synonym for fear. The vast majority of people who take that long-overdue first step usually say something very predictable like "I wish I had done this years ago" or "I don't know what I was so afraid of". Get your potential out of neutral, engage a gear, hit the gas and don't look back. Everything after the first step is a blessing or a lesson.

2. Consider the cost of not changing. Imagine your life in five or ten years from now if you don't change, if you don't address the things you should and if you don't pursue your dreams. Right now picture yourself being ten years older; you still haven't made a significant decision, still haven't taken that chance, still haven't taken charge of your body, you're still talking too much and doing too little, still coughing up the endless excuses, still being controlled by people and circumstances and still wasting your potential. Do you like that picture? Change is rarely about the right time and usually about the right attitude, choices and behaviours. Sometimes picturing what we don't want is enough to get us moving in the right direction.

3. Gain some clarity and certainty. Get clear about what you want and don't want for your life. Stop going through the motions and stop living that repetitive existence of habit - the one that makes you miserable and the one you really don't want. The more certain you are about what you want, the easier it will be to stay focused, proactive and productive. If you don't have clarity, then do your best to de-clutter your mind, step back, gain some perspective, spend more time by yourself, stop being so 'busy' (even for a day) and listen to that still small voice; it knows. When we make the effort to find some space, time and quiet and then genuinely listen, the clarity will come. The tricky bit can be when we find that clarity (about what we need to do) and it scares the crap out of us. When this happens, refer to point one!

4. Get excited. Excitement creates momentum. When we're excited we do stuff. We overcome fears. We take chances. We make tough decisions. We push the boundaries. We explore our potential. We become solution-focused. We become more resourceful. Chat with any successful person about their goals and their passion and you'll see what I mean about excitement. If you're not excited (on some level) about your goals, then you may need to find some different ones.

5. Set deadlines. Set yourself some non-negotiable deadlines and make a public (or semi-public) declaration. Not everyone's cup of tea but works well for many. Sometimes we've gotta put our butt on the line to create some real momentum. Don't be scared of pressure, discomfort or deadlines; they can make all the difference and they can be your greatest teacher. By the way, I'm not suggesting that you do this some time in the future when it suits your schedule and the planets have aligned, I'm suggesting that you do it in the next five minutes.

Bossy I know.

Let me know your secrets for creating and maintaining momentum. What works for you? Do tell.... and as always, feel free to share a general comment or say hi. If you're not sure how to do the comment thing, click here.

Seeyuz x

The Two Minute Workout

2009-03-16T11:49:00.001+11:00

G'day Groovers, I trust you're well and being the change you want to see in your world. I also hope you had a belter of a weekend. Today's article is a simple development of a concept that I introduced to you a while ago in another article here at me-dot-com. It's not for everyone, but for some people, this kind of approach to exercise can be a life-saver.

It's Quick, Free and Practical!

Any article called "The Two Minute Workout" is, at the very least, gonna be worth a cursory glance isn't it? You never know, there may actually be something of value in it. Imagine doing a mini workout that requires no expensive equipment, no trip to the gym, no change of clothes (unless you're wearing stilettos and chaps to begin with), no PhD. to figure out a hi-tech fitness gizmo and no post-workout shower. Nice.

And yes, it exists.

As Hard as We Make it

But does it actually work? Yep. Can anyone do it? Yep. Is it exciting? Not particularly. Am I sure it works? Yep. One of my pet hates is the propensity that we wanna-be-hard-bodies have for making the weight/fat-loss process harder than it needs to be. And I say 'we' because most of us have done it at some stage. And yes, I'm part of the collective we. Our body is more than capable of losing the chub whenever we're ready, but it seems that our head (mindset, attitude, beliefs, self-talk) is not always an ally in the process. In fact more often than not, it's the enemy!

The Practical Obstacles

So as an (alleged) Exercise Expert and pseudo Behavioural Psychologist, I'm forever trying to help people to see old things in a new way - and that's what I'm doing here today. Chat with anyone about their (perceived) barriers to productive and consistent exercise (and weight loss) and invariably they will talk about "the practical issues" which get in their way. Namely - travel, finances, equipment, resources and time. So what if we found an easy way to get around those hurdles?

We're always talking about the time factor - "I just can't seem to find thirty, forty-five or sixty minutes to do a workout every day." Well maybe we don't need to string a whole lot of minutes together, perhaps we could achieve the same (or better) results by exercising in small (very small) installments? Well, research - both scientific and observational - tells us we can.

Metabolic Booster

Did you know that, in terms of energy expenditure (and therefore fat and weight loss), fifteen two minute mini workouts through the day will be just as effective as one thirty minute session of the same activity at the same intensity? In fact, there is evidence to suggest that it will actually be more effective because the mini workouts are constantly giving our metabolism (that rate at which our body expends energy) a kick along. Giddy-up!

120 Seconds Per Hour

As a very rough guide, most of us will spend somewhere around eight hours in the slumber position each day, so in order to illustrate my concept I've decided to base this sample program on sixteen two minute mini-workouts (one for each hour we're not sleeping), using a piece of equipment that we all have access to and an activity that requires virtually no skill, minimal co-ordination and a less-than-Olympian fitness level.

The Two Minute Step Box Workout

While this two-minute concept can be adapted to many pieces of equipment (bikes, treadmills, steppers, rope, cross-trainers, rowers, climbers... etc.) and many activities, I am going with the good old step box today because it's practical, effective and convenient. I have based my energy expenditure and weight-loss figures (to come) on the individual using a twelve inch (30cm) step box (table, platform, step, chair, bench), the person weighing 80kgs (176lbs) and the step-ups being done at brisk walking pace. That is, step up - both feet, step down - both feet. Keep in mind that (1) the figures I'm providing are very general and to be used as a guide only (2) the higher the step and the heavier the exerciser, the greater the number of calories burned per unit of time - so adjust the figures up or down to suit your situation - and (3) there are also other variables (technique, stepping speed) which will impact on the calories burned. But the energy expenditure and weight-loss figures, along with the workout concept explanation, should give you an idea of what's possible and what we can do when we 'find a way' rather than 'find an excuse'.

What to Expect?

So let's put you in the middle of this little example and let's assume that you keep everything else in your world the same; that is, you maintain your current activity level and your current calorie intake. Let's also assume that you're neither gaining or losing significant weight at the moment and that you weigh 80 kilos (176 lbs). The only variation in your current behaviour would be the inclusion of this program. Take a look at these figures:

1. 2 minutes of stepping (as described above) = 29 cals.

2. 29 cals x 16 (2 min. hourly installments) = 464 cals (over the day)

3. 464 (daily cals) x 365 (days per year) = 169, 360 cals (over the year)

4. 169, 360 cals / 3,500 cals (the amount of cals in 1 lb of body-fat) = 48.4 lbs (22kgs)

That is, a weight loss of 48.4 lbs (22kgs) over one year without training like an Olympian, without going to a gym, without being obsessive, without getting dressed up, without starving and without being extreme.

What's the point?

The point of this little illustration is not that we should all start doing hourly two-minute step-up workouts for the next year (but then perhaps some of us should?). The point is that effective weight-loss does not need to be as technical, complex or as difficult as we often make it. Clearly, the practical reality of doing a program such as this for a year might drive us nuts (or not), but would it work? Yes it would. Anyway, it's not about this particular program, it's about the concept - short regular bouts of exercise. Maybe it would be jumping rope, stair jogging or stationary bike instead of step-ups. Maybe it could be three or four minutes bouts, not two. Maybe it would be every second hour and perhaps you'll do it for eight weeks, not fifty two. Whatever works and whatever you will persevere with.

Why did I choose step-ups for this illustration?

Even though they ain't always a bunch of fun, they absolutely work. Apart from being accessible, convenient and practical, high steps also burn a shit-load of calories and hit the butt and legs very (very) effectively. I mention that small fact on the off chance that you know of someone who is in need of work in that.. er... region.

See ya.

As always, feel free to share a comment. If you're not sure how to do that, click here.

Hanging out with Eckhart Tolle

2009-03-13T09:38:00.000+11:00

The Meister of Eck

I spent the other night hanging out with Eckhart Tolle. Yep, just me and the big Eckinator. The meister of Eck. Yessirree.. me, him.... and one or two (thousand) others. Okay, so we weren't technically alone but let's not get all pedantic about it. Geeze Louise. Anyway, I know there was some kind of cosmic connection between us. Not so sure that he felt it but...

Who?

For those of you who haven't heard of the big E, he is considered (by some) to be one of the world's foremost authorities on all things spiritual and philosophical - although I know he would never describe himself as such. While he has been around for years, the last year has seen him catapulted to global attention thanks to the endorsement of the most famous woman on the planet and one of his biggest fans; Oprah Winfrey. And it's fair to say that the Miss O. tick of approval ain't gonna hurt your cause or damage your brand any!

A Different Kind of Smart

It's also fair to say that E.T. is smart. A genius perhaps. And not smart in a regular Mensa kind of way, just breath-takingly insightful, aware, gifted and different - in my humble opinion of course. In fact, he's too different for some. Although he has an academic background (of sorts), his teaching and philosophy is about as academic as cheesecake. That is, not at all. I like that. A little academia; good. Too much; annoying. Much of his teaching turns conventional thinking on it's head. In fact, he's not really a big fan of thinking; he believes that it (often) gets in the way of awareness, consciousness and inner peace.

I won't endeavour to condense two hours of teaching into one post, but I will share a couple of things that resonated with me.

1. Not everything needs to 'make sense' or fit into a box. We love putting stuff in boxes don't we? We love to label and categorise things. We live in a world that, on many levels, is pre-occupied with the three-dimensional. If we can't see it, touch it, hold, it, measure it, photograph it, test it, examine it or chop it up, then it can't be real. Spiritual and philosophical stuff freaks (some) people out because it does not fit comfortably (and we love being comfortable) into their scientific framework, their humanistic thinking or their current level of understanding. And rather than say that (1) they don't know (2) they don't really understand or (3) they are not open to considering another way of looking at things, they will often resort to calling the messenger a 'crackpot' and the message 'mumbo-jumbo'. For many people, things that don't 'make sense' - within the realm of their logic, understanding, education, beliefs and experience - are to be avoided and/or criticised - no matter how much they don't really know about those things. Science, logic and analytical thinking serve a purpose - to a point - and then they get in the way. Sometimes we need to un-learn before we can learn and sometimes logic and reason are simply synonyms for fear and ignorance. Some very logical and reasonable people are also very miserable and restricted because they never allow themselves to venture beyond the very limited space that is, their mind. Some of the most amazing truths, lessons and gifts lie beyond logic, beyond science and beyond the boundaries of our fearful and indoctrinated thinking. And that's coming from a scientist!

2. We are not our thoughts. Most of us associate so strongly with our thoughts that we become them. Tolle teaches that thinking 'happens' despite us. Our thoughts are not us, just as our body is not us. Discovering that we are not our thoughts and that our thoughts don't necessarily need to shape, create or even influence our reality can be completely liberating. Having an awareness of our thoughts (good or bad) - without being lost in them or trapped by them - is indicative of a shift consciousness; some might say, the beginning of enlightenment. Then the question becomes "who am I beyond my thoughts, beyond my body, beyond my reputation, beyond my credentials, beyond my achievements and beyond my ego"? Explore that question openly, honestly and humbly and you'll probably experience more than a little discomfort. What if you're not who you thought you were? Or who others told you, you are? Open that door, and a whole new world awaits.

Enjoy your day.

As always, feel free to share a comment. If you're not sure how to do that, click here.

Improving Exercise Productivity

2009-03-12T12:44:00.001+11:00

I'll be wearing my Exercise Science hat today and we'll be going back to basics. The following tips will be revision for some and revelation for others. Keep in mind that the key to creating results is not about what I write, but what you do with what I write. Not every suggestion will be appropriate or relevant for you but take a peek and see what resonates. Easy Peasy...

1. Don't follow a generic program. If we all had the same body, the same goals, the same exercise history, the same medical conditions and were all about the same fitness level and age, then that generic program yanked from your fave exercise mag would be just perfect.

2. Splash some cash on a good program. Sometimes (not always) a little financial investment is what we need to secure our 'best' program. Find yourself an experienced Trainer, Exercise Scientist or Physiologist (who comes highly recommended and has a great track record) and get yourself a program that's designed specifically for you; your body, your goals, your needs. When we wrap our best attitude and best effort around our best program, then we create the best environment to produce outstanding results.

3. Give your body a reason to change. Too many people do the same thing, the same way forever (exercises, sets, reps, weights, cardio activities, recovery time, intensity) and then wonder why nothing changes. Well, nothing changes (your body) when nothing changes (the way you exercise). Do the same and you'll get the same. If it's physical transformation you're after, variety and progression are paramount.

4. Be consistent. Too many people simply don't finish (or should I say, maintain) what they start. The stop/start approach to exercise only leads to misery, frustration and poor results. Create some non-negotiable rules and then suck it up. Do what most won't; persevere.

5. Diarise your workouts. Keeping an exercise journal is a great way to help you stay focused, honest, grounded, accountable and consistent. It's also a practical and objective way to gauge progress - very important.

6. Train with a partner. People who train with a partner typically create better results. You'll be more consistent and more accountable, the quality of your training will be better and over the long term, you're less likely to throw in the towel.

7. Get uncomfortable. Many people see very little in the way of physical change because they always train in their comfort zone. Always. Simulated training I call it; looks like a workout but isn't. Working out doesn't need to be an exercise in agony but a little 'healthy hurting' ain't gonna kill you. Big Baby.

8. Change that attitude. When it comes to exercise, many people let their crappy attitude stand between their body and transformation. Exercise is as hard as we choose to make it. If you decide it will be a miserable process, it will be. Approach every session with your best mindset and you'll be amazed at what your body can do when your head doesn't get in the way.

9. Get assessed regularly. Regular assessments (I suggest every four weeks) will give you not only some practical feedback and data - to gauge your progress and the efficacy of your program - but also a level of objectivity and perspective. Depending on your goals, testing can be conducted for variables such as strength, power, speed, aerobic fitness, muscular endurance, flexibility, body-composition, biological age, girth measurements and of course, weight.

10. De-emotionalise the process. When it comes to our bodies, many of us are very emotional creatures. Don't be that person who over-thinks the process, simply create an intelligent plan and implement it. Consistently. Create some non-negotiable exercise rules, be practical, be disciplined and do what you need to do - not necessarily what you want to do.

Okay, do what you need to.

As always, feel free to share a comment. If you're not sure how to do that, click here.

Listening

2009-03-10T14:45:00.002+11:00

A Lesson in Aisle 8

What is it with me and supermarkets? I always (okay semi-regularly) find myself in the middle of some kind of totally unplanned, abstract life-lesson in the most ridiculous of locations. This time it was the long-life milk section; aisle 8 next to the Tupperware (type) stuff. Yep, it happened again today when I headed down the street to pick up a few staples and I bumped into a lady that I trained about fifteen years ago. For the first five minutes of the conversation I didn't even know where I knew her from, let-alone what her name was. Then when I did figure out who she was (an old client), I spent another five minutes fossicking through the cerebral abyss that is my mind, for her name. To no avail. Fortunately she gave it to me as she relayed one of her many stories.

This Milk is Getting Heavy

It's fair to say this lady has had a dramatic and tragic decade or so, and lucky Craig was given a blow by blow description of the vast majority of it. I even put my milk back on the shelf after the second divorce story. Which was just before the bankruptcy story. And way after the "I nearly died from a post-operative infection" story. That was a belter. And let's not even mention the ugly family feud that has seen her become an outcast of her own clan... story. Oh the joy of family. In the forty five minutes(!!!) we (er, she) chatted, she didn't ask me one question about me. Not one. Potentially traumatic for an only child. And in case you're wondering, no, she doesn't know that this site exists, so I doubt she'll stumble across this literary masterpiece any time soon. And if she does, she won't be offended.

I...er...aah...pfft..

As she wheeled out one tragic story after another, I began to feel somewhat inept as I didn't really know what to say. It seemed like any words would have been inadequate, so I just listened intently, nodded, maintained eye contact and occasionally came out with some profound personal development gems like "wow" and "gee, that must have been horrible". Oh yes, that's why I get the big bucks. Have you ever felt like that? You know, when someone's life has been so challenging and their story so tragic, that you almost feel it's inappropriate to be Mr/Mrs Positivity? In that moment I was compelled to say nothing. A new experience for me. I was compelled to not be the 'Fixer' for once. It almost killed me to not be the solution guy but my feminine self (oh yes, she's there) said "shut up you big alpha-male dickhead and just listen for once." And who am I to argue with a woman?

So that's what I did; listen. And listen. And listen.

The Dud

As we parted company we shared a brief hug and I wished her well. I had spoken twenty words and she had spoken twenty thousand. To be honest, I felt like a bit of a dud as I walked away. Considering what I do for a living, I thought I could have done more... but as I said earlier, I didn't want to piss off you-know-who.

As I walked up to the register, I was wondering how I could have been more helpful and made that conversation more 'productive'. I honestly felt like I had let her down in some way. A few minutes later I was walking to the car park, groceries in hand and still deep in thought when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

A Time to Say Nothing

"I just wanted to say thanks Craig, I really appreciate you spending some time with me and listening to my crap. I know you didn't need to. You are an amazing listener and I feel so positive and uplifted after chatting with you. Somehow I feel stronger and more motivated, so thanks again." I was speechless. I had honestly said nothing of value.

But then it wasn't really about what I had to say, was it?

Love to hear you thoughts and comments as always. If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here.

Why is Oprah still Over Weight?

2009-03-09T08:28:00.005+11:00

The bit before the first bit...

Before I get under way today, I just want to say thanks to all you amazing people who shared your personal stories with us on Friday. Your honesty and courage is inspirational, insightful and potentially, very helpful to others. To be honest, grief is a pretty tough subject to explore as a writer and I didn't know how that particular post would be received. While I know that type of information and discussion is not always 'light or easily-digestible', it can be transformational and invaluable for the right person at the right time. So thanks for your contributions.

Opening the door

Today's post is not so much a lesson, as it is me opening the door on a discussion that will be relevant and of interest to many of you. Yes I will share my thoughts and ideas but I won't be providing any major solutions or never-heard-before revelations. The reason I've chosen Oprah to revolve my questions around is purely because we all know who she is and can relate to her in some way. If the title of today's post was "why is Mrs. Smith (from the grocery store down the road) still fat?", it may not have generated the same level of interest or curiosity and we may have struggled to identify with, or relate to, some anonymous person. And then there was the small issue of finding some decent publicity shots of Mrs Smith for my article. Her agent is a tool.

Let's not get side-tracked with emotion

Yeah I know, feathers will be ruffled and noses will be put out of joint today... and that's just because of the title of this little discussion. But before you Oprah lovers start gettin' all "Craig's a big meany-weany, nasty-pants, Oprah-hater" on me, let me preface my thoughts on Miss O's battle of the bulge with a little disclaimer... Firstly, I think Oprah rocks. Mostly. She's uber smart, uber talented, has achieved off the chart, helps a shit-load of people, is an incredible communicator (something I dig) and as a much as I can tell from the comfort of my lounge chair here in down-town Craig-ville, seems to be a kind, generous, genuine and philanthropic person. With a few challenges and issues (like the rest of us). So let me be clear for those who have a propensity to seek out the negative - this article isn't about anything other than Oprah's very public battle with her weight and the relevant lessons for the rest of us. Me acknowledging her obesity is not an insult but merely an observation of her physiological condition. If you want to make it offensive then that's your choice, not my intent and you're missing the entire point of the article.

So why Oprah?

A few reasons:

1. Many of us have had (or do have) similar battles and most of us know of, sympathise with, respect or connect with her on some level.

2. She has had probably the most public (and lengthy) battle with weight in recent history.

3. Over her journey she has had every resource and some of the leading experts and specialists in the world at her disposal.

4. It's interesting (incredible even) that a person can create a multi-billion dollar business, turn herself into a global media phenomenon and become a symbol of success for women around the world, but not be able to get herself in shape physically and stay that way. Especially a strong, dynamic, intelligent and talented person who has desperately wanted to change her body for decades. I guess that's a clear indication of how tough it can be for us to take charge of our bodies.

5. I have seen many (many, many) people with far less resources, far less professional assistance (that is, zero) and possibly less knowledge, understanding and talent, achieve and maintain incredible results. So, for that reason, I thought that the 'creating forever results' topic might be an interesting, relevant and valuable one to explore.

So the big question is... "can Oprah actually lose the weight and keep it off forever?"

Well, the answer to that is absolutely yes, but the better question is "will she?" And the answer to that... I don't have. We've all seen the slimmer version of Oprah so we know that she has the physical capacity to lose weight. But as you and I know, losing weight is often the easy part; the real challenge is to keep it off for a lifetime. Does it matter if she's obese? You'd have to ask her. The last two decades of her life and the numerous weight-loss attempts would suggest that it does matter. As an exercise scientist, I only care about people's body-fat levels from a health perspective. However, as an ex-fatty who copped plenty of ridicule, I also 'get it' from a sociological, emotional and psychological perspective too. In a culture that has a tendency to judge our worth, desirability and social standing purely on appearance, being fat sucks. It did for teenage me anyway.

The Theory and the Reality

While the theory of weight-loss is something of a no-brainer (energy in, energy out), the practical reality of transforming a body and creating lasting change is significantly more complex and challenging; just ask Miss O. We can all theorise and philosophise as to why (like so many others) she has vacillated between in-the-zone and out-of-control but in truth, only Oprah will ever know the whole story because the state of her body (what's happening externally) is largely a reflection of the state of her mind (what's happening internally). And of course the only person who lives there... is her. While Oprah has some practical getting-in-shape-challenges (welcome to the club), namely, hypothyroidism (recently diagnosed), being in her fifties (a little tougher at fifty but we're still very adaptable) and her endomorphic genetics, it still comes back to what she does, with what she's got, where she's at. As I've said many times on this site, getting in shape ain't determined by genetics but rather, genetic management - what we do with our genetics. Neither is it determined by our age but rather, what we do at our age.

So what can we conclude from the above thoughts and observations?

No matter who we are, where we are, what we know or what we have, one of the biggest practical challenges that you and I will ever have down here on the big blue ball is managing our physical selves. And I'm not just talking about weight-loss, I'm talking about maximising this incredible, irreplaceable resource, that you and I will walk around in for eighty years or so. It's crucial that we understand what a multi-dimensional process creating lasting physical change is and that in many ways, our physical selves (what shape we're in) is merely a by-product of what's happening in that thing on top of our shoulders. I guess we could conclude that being wealthy, intelligent, motivated, successful (in other areas) and having limitless resources at our disposal doesn't necessarily equate to success; that is, permanent weight-loss. Sure, having your own Chef (Art Smith), Trainer (Bob Greene), Psychologist (Dr. Phil), Spiritual Advisor (Ekhart Tolle) and Doctor (Dr. Oz), on call might be kinda cool (as Oprah does), but clearly it doesn't guarantee success because ultimately weight loss always comes down to the decisions and behaviours of the individual - even a rich, intelligent and well-equipped individual.

Even Oprah.

I'm sure you have some thoughts, feel free to share them. If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here.

Ciao x

Another Reader Question; Dealing with Grief.

2009-03-06T09:00:00.003+11:00

Yep, I know this is up early...

I recently started to answer some of your questions in the form of daily posts. The concept has proven to be very well received, so I thought I'd keep the ball rolling as long as there's interest. Here's another question from one of our class; Lauren. Lauren's letter is in blue and my thoughts are in black. It's long, you may wanna get comfortable.

Hi Craig

My name is Lauren, Hi Lauren I'm a daily reader of your website okay, I like you then and was hoping you could help with something. I'll give it a shot. GRIEF - how to keep moving on with life when some of the most important things and people are taken away? Yep, that's a biggie. Something we all have to deal with on our journey, but none of us are 'trained' for. When it comes to the reality of grief, everybody is unprepared - especially the first time we deal with something monumental and life-changing, like you have. The fact that you may feel lost, desperate and even out of control at times, puts you in the 'normal' group. The theory of dealing with grief and the reality of it are completely different things; one's mostly cerebral, the other, mostly emotional.

3 months ago I lost my aunty to ovarian cancer after only an 11 month battle with the disease. Sorry to hear that - Craig hug for you. She was my best friend and like a mother to me and my 2 little children. While grief is both an interesting and painful part of the human experience, it can also be something that teaches us, changes us and shapes us. But... when it comes to the practical reality of dealing with it (where you are right now), we sometimes find that all the theory (of how we should process, manage and deal with our grief), is of little or no value because we're in a completely emotional place and we don't have any inclination to be strategic, logical or practical about what's happening, or has happened, in our world. For a while anyway. The good news is that you are doing something Lauren; you're being proactive, you're making contact with me, you're sharing your thoughts and feelings, you're communicating in a constructive manner and you're seeking to move into a more positive place. All good things. Well done.

11 months may seem like a long time but it feels like by the time she was diagnosed we never had any time to deal with it and then she was suddenly gone. Over that 11 months I also dealt with verbal and emotional abuse from my husband, his alcohol problem, the breakdown of my marriage, I became a single mum and lost my home, severe endometriosis, blah blah - shit happens? Suck it up princess? Wow! THAT... is er, considerable. I don't blame you for feeling like crap!

I'm trying, I'm trying very hard (and I'm only 27, this shouldn't be happening!!) Do your best to get out of the "this shouldn't be happening" mindset; it has and it is (happening). By going there (that headspace) you can find yourself heading down the self-pity road and, even though it's understandable to feel that way, it's not a direction you wanna take.

Over the same 11months I've also become a better parent, YAY... started personal training (with Darrell Spencer - I know you know him!!), a good move.... If there's anyone who can teach you about dealing with grief, it's Darrell.

*Note: I posted an article in 2007 about Darrell Spencer dealing with the tragic loss of his beautiful wife Gill. It's definitely worth a read. You can take a look... here.

at my perfect weight, well done.... finally in a great financial position and scored the job of my dreams!!! Not that life is about money or career, but they are great achievements and something to be quietly proud of. Sometimes - even when we're struggling - we need to consciously 'find the good' in our world, lest we become morose and a captive of our negative emotions. If you struggle to be 'up' for you, focus on your kids. Be their inspiration and strength.

BUT every night I still cry myself to sleep because I so desperately want my aunty back and don't know how to live my life without her in it. You are living it, you're just not enjoying it. Lauren, your Aunty sounds like she was an amazing person and while she has left your physical, three-dimensional world, her influence on your life, the lessons she taught you, the experiences you two shared, the conversations you had together and the imprint she has left on your heart is eternal. In many ways, she hasn't gone anywhere.

I was hoping you may have some thoughts on this issue especially at a time when so many people are suffering with loss and grief.

A Story

A little over a decade ago, I went through a similar experience to what you're going through now. One of my trainers (and best friends) died in his early twenties. He had no pre-existing medical condition and his tragic death was a total surprise to everyone in his world. He was my first ever employee and we were great mates who spent a great deal of time together. Every day we ate breakfast, lunch and occasionally, dinner together. We worked side by side on the gym floor and he was my right-hand man. One day I received a phone call telling me that he was in hospital, specifically, in the Intensive Care Unit in a coma. He died a few days later.

What To Do?

At the time of Matty's death, I had eight employees, several hundred clients and a business that operated about ninety hours per week. I didn't really know what to do. I had no real experience at grieving and it wasn't one of my 'life skills'. Should I close the gym for a day, a week, or not at all? I was numb, confused and of course, sad. The day of the funeral, my staff and I turned up to work as usual, trained our clients for a few hours and then shut the doors for a half day. An hour later I was carrying my friends coffin, speaking at his funeral and just trying to get through it all. I was on auto-pilot and it was a surreal experience for me. A few hours later, my staff and I were back at the gym doing our best to inspire our clients. Of course we didn't really feel inspired. At all. But at that time, in that situation, I wanted to be distracted, so did my staff, so we chose to work. I wanted my attention to be somewhere other than the reality of the day. I did what I needed to do to get through that moment. And the following weeks and months. It's been fourteen years this year and I still think of him often and still miss him. I still remember specific conversations and even as I write this sentence I can still feel the very real emotion.

No Universal Solution

That experience taught me that there is no single or 'best' way to deal with grief. And for the most part (with one or two exceptions), there is no right or wrong - only different ways. For some people, talking about that person only brings about more pain, while for others it's healing. Of course there are recommendations, guidelines and numerous resources, but at the end of the day, it still comes down to what will work for the individual. However, I do believe an important part of the grieving process is that we consciously choose to celebrate that person's life, rather than mourn their death.

What Worked for Me

While I did many things along the road to healing from Matty's death, two key things proved to be valuable for me... The first thing was to talk about him often, and not in a morbid way, but in a positive and fun way; it helped me a lot. And the second is less conventional but proved to be very meaningful and valuable for me - I had a piece of jewellery made called a slave bracelet, on it are Matty's and my initials. It has no clasp (to take it on and off) and is screwed onto the wrist by the jeweller when you pick it up. It has been on my wrist for thirteen years and has never been off once. Those who know me well, know that I am not a jewellery guy at all; I own zero jewellery other than my Matty bracelet. I wear it because it reminds me of him, it's meaningful to me and it provides me with a level of comfort - not sure why, just does. See Lauren... there's no universal grieving formula.

Letting Go

I arrived at a point where I chose to let go of my grief. And no, I didn't let go of my friend or his memory, but I let go of the emotional pain. While it was a symbolic 'letting go', in many ways it was completely real and transformational because the moment I made that conscious decision to let go of the hurt, things improved dramatically for me. I still had the great memories but without the same level of pain. In fact, the pain was gradually replaced with joy. Keep in mind Lauren that while grief can be triggered by certain situations and events, it can only be maintained by us.

Not sure if that was at all helpful Lauren, but I hope so.

Thanks, Lozz

You're welcome x

Love to hear you thoughts and possibly a (brief) story or two. If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here.

Beyond Self-Help; Selfless Help

2009-03-04T16:35:00.001+11:00

An Imperfect Science

Like any organisation, service, product or concept that has been created by humans, the field of self-help - or as some like to call it, the 'science of self-improvement' - is flawed. No biggie there. Of course it's not perfect because 'we' created it, and it makes complete sense to say that an imperfect creator can't produce perfection. While the ever-expanding world of self-help and all it's associated products, programs, resources and services has served and continues to serve a purpose (the overall value of that purpose is up for discussion and debate), it might be fair to say that we've never had more dysfunctional people, a more dysfunctional society, a more dysfunctional (unhealthy) environment or in truth, a more dysfunctional world than we do right now. Is this just some inflammatory angle I'm taking just to evoke emotion? Nope, it's merely my observation and opinion. Take a peek around your immediate world and you might see more obesity, more debt, more loneliness, more people in therapy and more marital breakdowns than you've ever seen before. If not more, then certainly no less - despite our ever-increasing knowledge, understanding, awareness, resources and technology. And our glut of self-help offerings. Dare to take a broader (global) look and you'll probably see just as much poverty, starvation, violence, war, misery and unnecessary deaths as we've ever had at any time in our history. Perhaps more.

Why Personal Development is not 'the' Answer.

People (that is, you and I) are the answer to our numerous challenges (both individually and globally) and personal development resources (such as this one) are just that; resources. Whether those resources prove to be valuable or not, depends on what we do with them. That's why Gandhi said "be the change you want to see in your world" and not "buy my set of CD's and book into my workshop!" Creating your best life (situation, relationship, health, career) will always come back to you; what you do and don't do - the decisions you make, the action you take. You and you alone will determine success or failure in your world. Don't misinterpret what I'm saying here... of course there are many factors and variables which will influence and impact on the change process, our personal growth journey, our real-life experiences and the type of results we produce in our world, but without doubt, the biggest determinant of success or failure, joy or pain, growth or stagnation is us - what we do with what we've been given.

Knowledge + Understanding + Application + Consistency = Change.

And no, I'm not saying that books, CD's, DVD's, Websites (thankfully) and the ever-expanding range of programs are of no value as we attempt to create 'new and improved us', I'm saying that they are as useful (or as useless) as we make them. That's why some people have been visiting my site religiously for two years, reading every word and even quoting me, with very little change in their reality, because transformation ain't about what we know, it's about what we consistently apply. Far too may of us live the stop-start life and have been doing so for years. Doing, not doing. Applying, not applying. On track, on the couch. In the zone, out of control. In shape, out of shape. Fit, fat.

Irony?

The direction this conversation has taken might seem somewhat ironic coming from a personal development bloke, it's not; it's honest. Personal development resources can play an important role in our transformation but they can't be the change, only we can. That's why some people will come along to our RYL weekend and subsequently see amazing change in their world, and others not. I can tell people what to do, why to do it, when to do it and how to do it... but the only person I can change is me. I can influence (coach, encourage, educate, support) people, but I can't actually change one person. And for the people who do see amazing transformation post-RYL, it will be because of what they do, not what I say. I can be a catalyst but I can't be the change for anyone but me. In sport, the coach can coach her ass off but she can't actually score a point, or win (or lose) the game, because she doesn't actually play.

Personal Development Pitfalls

Having said that personal development can be a valuable part of the journey, there are a few caveats; things I want to throw in for your consideration...

1. Some personal development resources will never lead to genuine happiness, contentment or fulfillment because they are completely self-focused, or even, self-obsessed. I believe that some resources (I won't name them) actually contribute to the dysfunction because their overall philosophy is grounded in a false truth; that happiness is (in some way) dependant on the accumulation of assets - he who dies with the most toys wins. Much (if not, all) of their philosophy is geared around 'getting' and the gratifying of self. The ridiculous number of get-rich books on the shelves in book stores is testament to this. Our dysfunctional society has never been more obsessed with the material, the physical and all things external. Having said that, I do believe we are beginning to see something of a shift and a gradual awakening of the collective consciousness (as Ekhart would say). Keep in mind that there's a big chasm between being self-aware (good) and self-ish (blah). It's my belief that personal development should, among other things, empower us to become more self-aware, more self-less, more conscious (in our thoughts, choices and behaviours) and more humble in the way we live. While it's great to consciously and proactively work at becoming a better 'version' of us, there's also a danger that in the process, we can become overly-analytical, over-thinking, self-obsessed, materialistic perfectionists. And that ain't healthy or productive. More enlightened writers and teachers advocate a more selfless, philanthropic and loving approach to personal transformation. More spiritual perhaps. And no, this is not some feel-good, fluffy, mumbo-jumbo; it's actually a powerful and relevant message because we're all much more than a mind, a body and a bank account. And yes, it's still okay to become wildly successful in a commercial sense (if that's one of your goals), as long as what you own (your assets) and what you do (your career), doesn't become your identity (who you are).

2. It can be expensive. No shit Sherlock. Some personal development resources are very expensive which is not to say that they are not necessarily good value, but we must be wise and discerning about how and where we invest our time, energy and hard-earned. The four thousand dollar program may not be four times better than the one thousand dollar program. May not even be as good. When you do invest, make sure you maximise that investment by consistently acting on what you learn. BTW, sometimes a twenty dollar book will prove to be more transformational than the squillion dollar program. And then there's those free websites....

3. Guru worship. Don't join a cult. Some people actually deify their favourite teachers and authors and that's unhealthy for everyone; the teacher and the student. In doing this, the students actually empower the teacher and disempower themselves. Listen to and learn from others, but have your own thoughts, ideas and values, be your own person and make your own choices. It's great to value and respect a teacher (if he or she has earned that respect) but don't become a self-help parrot or a clone of someone else. Be you. In terms of my teaching, I always suggest that people read what I write, consider it, see if it resonates for them, and if it does, apply it. If it doesn't, ignore it. Simple. If you like my site and consider it to be a valuable resource, tell people about it. If not, don't. For you, I'm a resource (if you choose), not an answer. You're the answer. And occasionally, the problem.

The Last Bit...

Like most of you, I'm both a teacher and a student (we're all teachers on some level). In fact if I had to label myself, I'd say I'm more of a student. And like you, I'm still trying to figure it all out. Always will be. As much as I teach, I spend even more time learning. I am constantly asking, seeking, listening and exploring. Of what there is to know, I know almost nothing. That's both humbling and incredibly exciting. One crucial lesson I have learned over the last few years is the importance of giving; selfless-help as opposed to self-help. Time and time again I have witnessed the transformational power of no-strings-attached kindness, love and generosity; people who have transformed their own lives by investing into the lives of others. Food for thought.

Enjoy your day and be the change.

Love to hear your thoughts. If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here.

Ciao x

A New Section on the Site and Our RYL Winner.

2009-03-03T11:49:00.000+11:00

Hello Grasshoppers.

No lesson (as such) today as my Monday was somewhat manic. However, I do have a few interesting bits and pieces for you...

Me on TV

My boy Johnny has assembled a nice little selection of some of my more recent TV segments on the Ten Network for your perusal, edification and enjoyment. You will notice a new menu option near the picture of my boof head (top left) creatively titled "Craig on TV" - Johnny came up with that all by himself. The segments are a mix of health/fitness stuff and personal development stuff. They are tasty little bite-size installments (5-8 minutes), low GI, easy to chew and digest and shouldn't give you heart burn - and you won't lose half your day watching them. Unless of course, you watch them all back to back. Hmm, good point. Anyways... it means that today you can listen to and watch a lesson (or fifteen), rather than read one. Bonus. Let me know what you think and if you find them a valuable addition to our class room. You can take a look here.

Our RYL Winner

Over the last few weeks we have run a competition with a place in our May RYL Program (including airfares) up for grabs. We asked people to share why they would be a great candidate to be involved in a program such as this. We had a bunch of touching entries and of course I'm gonna say that plenty of people could have been chosen (which is true) but the reality is we could only choose one... and this time that person is Amy. Here's her entry.

Hi Craig,

I read your post today and I would love the opportunity to come to the Renovate Your Life workshop. Could you pass my message on to the lady offering the placement please? First of all, thank you for presenting this opportunity to everyone. It's a quietly gracious act, which is a beautiful thing.

I would like to go to the workshop. I've been overweight and shy since childhood and only recently realised that I developed a sort of protective camouflage against the world around me. I keep my head down and stay out of trouble. I go along with what other people want, because it's not worth arguing about. I don't make waves. I've programmed myself to stop wanting things. It's like a little switch in my head which automatically re-directs all the dreams and possibilities and wants into the "too hard, you don't deserve it, you can't do it" pile. It tells me that the things I want to do and be are too difficult for a fat, under-educated drone and I should just stick to a safe, mediocre job and routine. I can see where these patterns started, but I don't know how to stop/change them.

I want to change.

Last year I read Craig's book "Fattitude". That year, for the first time since I was born, my weight went down instead of up. It was only ten kilos. It's not much, but I did it myself. I didn't think I could do anything like that - I can't even begin to explain what an effect that had on me. I suddenly had the power to change something that I had thought of as a constant in my life - it was like being able to change the colour of the sky. I want to see what else Craig can teach me.

I can't afford to get to Melbourne and to the workshop. I shouldn't even take the time off work. I'm probably going to end up unemployed soon. I'm also currently supporting my best friend - she's living with me because she had nowhere else to go and can't work (illness) at the moment. The money's tight, but I wouldn't miss having her around for anything. I don't have any major sob stories. I haven't had any major illnesses to overcome, I don't have a messy divorce and six kids in my recent past, I haven't declared bankruptcy over a broken business. What I have is an overwhelming feeling that I'm turning invisible and fading away in my own life.

I'm not even sure if a motivational workshop will help me. But I need to get my head right if I want to grow past where I am now. I've been stuck in the same place for nearly a decade now. I want to try to change.

Thank you for the chance,

Amy

You're very welcome Amy and I look forward to meeting you, hugging you and spending a weekend with you.

Finally...

Before I sign off today, I just want to acknowledge the response to yesterday's article. It was very humbling and gratifying for me. While my post was in no way intended to be a fishing expedition, I will say that I was mildly overwhelmed (can you be mildly overwhelmed?) by the level of support shown for what we're doing and creating here at me-dot-com, and for my writing. Thankyou. I've said several times that it is my goal to create the best free online personal development resource in the world. Of course I don't know if we'll get there, but if we don't it won't be for lack of endeavour or commitment. By the way, I don't care if you never spend a cent here at me-dot-com or if you never attend one of my workshops or programs, you will always be welcome and your place in my classroom will never be conditional upon any kind of financial support. No tricks, no agenda and no fibs. Trust me, there are much more effective (and easier) ways to make money than a blog!!

As always, feel free to share your comments by clicking on the comment thingy. If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here.

Ciao x

A Little Criticism For CHDC...

2009-03-02T08:23:00.000+11:00

I was wondering what I might write about today when I happened across an interesting comment regarding my last post. Here's the un-edited comment, exactly as it arrived at me-dot-com...

Hiya Craig,

Quick bit of constructive critisism if I may.
I find your posts are becoming too long, rather write another book and I'll happily buy it. I don't have time to read throught the whole lot here online, I want quick tips!!

The comments are becoming to long too, maybe the people should just really take Annonymous's advice and start their own blogs or join the forum. I don't visit often any more because it's just to long! Where are the good 'olle days from a year or so ago?

Hope you don't mind my feedback, I just thought I might let you know what I feel, I might be the only one, so in that case you are welcome to ignore me :-)

cheers, Perth, WA.

Okey-doke, here are my thoughts...

1. No, I'm not offended or upset (at all), just amused and interested in your perspective. "I'm serious about personal development... as long as it's quick."

2. I find it ironic (funny almost) that a person coming to a personal development site and someone that I'm assuming is seeking to improve their reality in some way, can't find 5-6 minutes to read an article that I can find five hours to write. An article that (like all of my articles) is sent to tens of thousands of subscribers around the world every day.... for free. Not a bad deal really. At an average reading speed of 275 words per minute (a typical reading speed for adults), most of us would read the (1,692 word) article in around six minutes. A big sacrifice I know.

3. "I don't have time to read through the whole lot here online"

It's my belief that someone who is serious about learning, growing, improving and creating better results in their world would be able to find six minutes in a day that provides 1,440 of them. Minutes, that is.

4. "I find your posts are becoming too long.... I want quick tips"

Aaah, I could say so many things. While I respect your feedback and appreciate your honesty, I hope you will respect and appreciate mine. Firstly, I won't be writing to a set number of words or a pre-determined formula; some posts will be longer, some shorter. It's my belief that the potential value of an article to my readers doesn't lie in the length but rather, the content. Some messages demand more attention. Secondly, I'm not the "quick tip" guy, I'm a teacher, coach and writer and not interested in getting people pumped for five minutes - I'm interested in genuine, inside-out transformation; life-long change.

"I don't visit often any more because it's (that is, my writing) just too long."

Thirdly, not visiting a site because the writer takes the time to explore subjects in depth is a mistake (I believe) and perhaps you not wanting to find the necessary six minutes in your day says more about your mindset and priorities, than it does about the length of my articles. Just a thought.

5. "The comments are becoming too long"

If you don't like the long comments, don't read them. I mean that politely and genuinely. As long as the comments are on topic, not self-indulgent, not a form of social networking with other readers, not offensive and hopefully add value to the discussion in some way, I'm okay with them.

In Conclusion...

In responding to this comment, I am in no way intending to bitch or be critical of the commentor; I genuinely respect his/her honesty and thoughts and don't believe them to be malicious at all. However, I will say that as someone who invests more physical, emotional and creative energy (and significant time) into my articles than most people would ever imagine, I get a little sick of some people's propensity to fault-find when there is so much 'good' to take away from what we're doing (and trying to do) here in this humble little cyber-classroom we call craigharper.com.

Please don't cyber-bash our commentor (not what we're about) but as always, like you to hear your thoughts. If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here.

*Note: FYI, this article is comprised of 727 words, not including this sentence. Or this one. I guess that adds up to about a three-minute investment of your time. But feel free not to read this sentence because I'm not really saying anything much. But then, maybe I am? And whatever you do, definitely don't read this one. Stop it. You have issues.

Sorry. Couldn't help m'self.

Bad Craig

We Play How We Train

2009-02-27T08:04:00.005+11:00

Working With Athletes

Over the last twenty five years I have (amongst other things) worked with many athletes at all levels of development and competition; boxers, aerial skiers, runners, throwers, swimmers, footballers (Aussie Rules, Soccer and Gridiron), basketballers, netballers, bodybuilders, power-lifters, martial artists and lots more. From complete novices through to experienced Olympians, I have worked with them all. I have been employed by four professional sporting teams as a conditioning coach and this year I am working with the Melbourne Vixens; a professional netball team playing in the Trans-Tasman, Australia-New Zealand competition. I am involved in both the physical stuff (conditioning work) and also the head stuff (personal and professional development sessions). The girls are great to work with and I love that part of my professional life. Although looking up (literally) to twelve girls when you're coaching them is somewhat strange when you're a 5'10" bloke. Most of the girls are six foot plus but fortunately for insecure me, I have bigger guns. Just.

* You can see two of the girls in action: 1. Natasha Chokljat just below and 2. Renae Hallinan at the bottom of this article.

Lessons From Sport

Years of working with elite athletes has taught me much about the mechanics, process and psychology of creating desirable outcomes (improvement, success, winning) and much of what we learn with athletes can be transferred to the 'non-sporting' world. Desirable outcomes for an athlete (depending on their sport) would be things like: improved skill, fitness, strength, speed, power, flexibility, muscular endurance, recovery time, reaction time, more game time, improved performance in their sport and of course, winning gold medals and finals. Having this background and experience has helped me enormously with the personal and professional development work I now do with individuals and organisations. We all want 'better', we just need to know what that means and how to create it.

Training and Competition

In sport we have two distinct components - training and competition - and naturally it makes sense to say that, as a rule, the better we train and prepare for our sport, the better we will perform on game day. We coaches find that athletes who train poorly, typically perform poorly (or not up to their potential) when it counts; in competition.

Training Intensity.

Being able to deal with physical, emotional and psychological pressure is a non-negotiable for the would-be champion. Some very talented people never succeed simply because they won't do what needs to be done to maximise their potential. That is, get uncomfortable when they train and do it consistently. As a rule, competition is uncomfortable, even painful, but at the same time, it can be incredibly rewarding, exhilarating and enjoyable. We know that sport can be very demanding on not only the bodies, but also the minds of the athletes. We also know that athletes who spend the majority of their training time in their 'comfort zone' will invariably fail or under-perform at their chosen sport, because they are not prepared (physically or emotionally) for the reality and the demands of elite competition. Playing regular tennis with a ten year-old (even a lot of it) won't prepare you for competitive tennis against highly-tuned adults of comparable ability to you. Comparable ability plus much better preparation equals much better performance.

Train as You Intend to Play

We coaches regularly put athletes under enormous pressure in training because that's where high level sport is played; in the 'discomfort zone'.

"If you wanna play like a freak, train like a freak."

If athletes don't hurt in training, they won't develop the necessary skills, qualities and attributes to do what needs to be done when it matters; game time. As much as possible, coaches will simulate the type of intensity and pressure that game day brings because only that will truly condition an athlete for what he/she needs to do when it matters. I don't care how well you can kick, throw, catch, pass, or side-step when you're under no pressure and you're physically fresh, I care how well you can perform those skills when it's the last quarter, you're down by two points, you're physically exhausted, you've got people screaming at you, you're stressed and you've got five opposition players doing their best to kill you. That's when it matters.

An Analogy

Now, let's take that thinking, understanding (it makes sense right?) and training approach, and apply it to the world of Personal Development; becoming a better version of us. Are we really developing (that is, changing in a real, practical and measurable way) or are we merely down-loading more and more self-help information that we don't actually use? For this discussion, let's say that coming here to me-dot-com and reading articles such as this one is part (not the entirety) of your 'training' for your sport; your sport being... life.

The Application

Now, if we were going to take the above training approach and apply it to our personal growth journey, we would listen to the coach (in this instance, me), take the information and strategically, practically and consistently apply what we learn here over the course of our journey. That is, consciously put ourselves into situations where we are forced to step out of our predictable, safe, familiar, comfortable little box (oh yes, you know the one) and put ourselves into a simulated game situation; the place where we are forced to grow, learn, adapt and develop - like we say we want to. Let's train like we wanna play. The truth is that when many 'self-helpers' are thrown into the game (that is, they are confronted with a real challenge in their world) they fall apart because they haven't trained for it. Sure, they've read about it... if only reading was doing.

Food For thought

Q. How can Australia be one of the most educated countries in the world (in terms of health, diet, exercise, lifestyle etc.), while also being one of the fattest (and still growing)?

A. Because we know what to do, but we don't do what we know. Too many of us are great at the theoretical and complete shit at the practical.

We continue to destroy ourselves despite our knowledge. We want the results without the work. We want the pill, the powder, the potion, the shortcut. When will we stop looking for answers in the wrong places? When will we be honest? When will we stop wasting our time and potential?

Soon I hope.

Not a Theory

Personal growth and genuine transformation isn't about the theoretical, it's about the practical - and the practical is all about YOU. If you read, understand and remember every single word I ever write, but never apply any of it, you will see absolutely zero benefit or positive change in your world. So apply it. Do it. Consistently. And get uncomfortable. Consistently. There are far too many personal development junkies who are great at talking the talk - they even use all the self-help jargon (I know, I talk to them) - but in reality they are full of crap because they don't actually live any of it. They tell others what to do, while not actually doing it themselves. The Pseudo Gurus, I call them. Reading does not equal transformation. Reading equals reading. Even knowing doesn't equal transformation. There is an abundance of educated and knowledgable failures.

A Little Tough Love

I'm not trying to be offensive here, just honest. The time for being precious and politically correct is not now; now is the time to be realistic and practical about our behaviours, our habits, our mindset and the type of results we produce in our world. Sure I could dance around the real issues and do my best to protect some people's fragile emotional states, but the truth is that we all need a big fat reality check from time to time and to be honest, I don't care if I offend people when I'm speaking the truth. Some people will get offended no matter what I say or how I say it, because they are victims. While others choose to get real, they choose to get hurt. That's their miserable prerogative. I won't waste my time or energy on people who are not prepared to help themselves or be honest. When we take the emotion out of it and be completely practical and realistic (about creating better results), we discover that many (many, many) people - even the self-help types - have been going around in circles for years. Lots of hot air, talk and hype but no results. Harsh? Perhaps. Honest? Yep.

When the Shit Hits the Fan

When the shit hits the fan - (this would be game time for an athlete) - and it always does, many people capitulate because they haven't prepared for competition. They have the potential, the knowledge and the resources, but they didn't have the courage, the focus or the work ethic to do what needed to be done; they didn't 'train' the way they wanted to 'play'. Some didn't train at all.

Decision Time?

For some of you, it's decision time. You know it and you've known for a long time. Of course you can find more reasons not to change and more ways to rationalise what you're not doing, being and creating... or you can simply stop with the excuses and explanations... and change. Once and for all. You can train like you wanna play. You can be the change in your world. Today can be 'just another day' and this post can simply be 'just another one of my articles' that you don't act on - or it can be the start of the most incredible journey you've ever had.

I made my choice long ago.

As always, I'd love to hear from you. If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here. If you've never left a comment before then why don't you change that today? Don't let your fear or ego stop you from connecting with others - and let us know where you're from too. Enjoy your weekend.

Ciao Team x

Your Questions

2009-02-24T14:12:00.007+11:00

You're not the Boss of me!

Panic not, there's no danger of me-dot-com turning into a T-shirt store any time soon but we have had this one in the pipeline for a while. We were going to launch it a few weeks back with the last one (Suck it Up Princess) but decided to wait a while. FYI, we plan to roll out four or five fun-based shirts (with a message) this year, so this will be the last one for a while. We have had an over-whelming amount of positive feedback about these shirts and it seems that plenty of people identify with the messages and feel compelled to share them with others!

The "You're not the Boss of Me" concept came from the many (many) conversations and consultations I've had over the years with people who have at least one a very 'Bossy' (controlling, dominating, pushy, rude, manipulating) person in their world who needs to be told... in a fun way of course. Thanks to Phill (one of my PT's) for being my model. You can order your T-shirt here.

Reader Questions...

I will do my best to answer some of your questions at least once a fortnight, so feel free to send them through via the Email Craig thingy. Here's question one from a regular reader and commentor; EG...

* EG is in orange and I'm in grey. So to speak.

Hi Craig, Hi EG

I was wondering if you could please address a question in one of your posts. Okay, but just because you asked nicely.

As you know, I'm working hard at the moment trying to lose weight and get my fitness back after surgery. Mmmm... What troubles me, though, is how do I know when I get there? That depends on you - there is no 'perfect' weight - only a healthier and less-healthy body... weight is an issue but it is not the sole determinant of health, fitness or beauty... Is it when I reach an arbitrary number of kilos (probably 69 in my case because I'm quite heavy for my size - don't laugh, I'm half Dutch, we're big people)? Nope because you could weigh 69 kilos with a body-fat percentage of forty (unhealthy)... or you could be the same weight at a body-fat percentage of say, twenty-ish (healthy)... or you could even be the same weight at a body-fat percentage of ten (unhealthy). So it's actually more about your body composition (how much fat and muscle you have - how you're put together) than it is about your specific weight. I currently weigh 97 kilos (213lbs) which puts me in the morbidly obese(!!) category according to height/weight charts and the scientifically-misleading BMI equation. Am I fat in reality? No, I have lots of muscle. Could I be fat at 90 kilos and lean at 95? Yep, because it's all about what that body-weight is comprised of. Capiche? Or is it when I can fit into a certain size of clothes? That's a better indicator than weight. Is it when I can lift a small car with one hand? No but I'd like to see that.

When is skinny too skinny? Hard to quantify but as a rough guide, most women would not want to go below fifteen percent body-fat - in my opinion. Being overly lean ages you (as does being overly fat), messes with your hormones and ain't great for your overall health. Lean - good. Extremely lean - not good. Why does the fat always first disappear where most women do not want to lose it and stick around like an unwanted relative in the places you'd like it to vanish? Bodies do that don't they? Nope you can't spot reduce - it will leave when it's ready. I always laugh when fat blokes start to exercise and their fat gut stays fat, while their skinny legs get even skinnier (for a period of time). Kind of like a chicken on a treadmill! I know, that's more than one question but really all I'm asking is - how do I know what the right body is for me? If your body feels good, functions well and is healthy, then it's right for you. If you can get your body-fat level close to the twenty percent range that would be beneficial but it's not imperative. Not having seen your body, I am speaking in general terms, so don't take this as gospel. If I met you and assessed you, I might vary my advice but probably not dramatically. Generally speaking, appearance is more about our ego than it is about health. Having said that, if your body is feeling great and functioning well, it will probably look pretty good too. Keeping in mind that how a body looks (lean or not) is not necessarily an indicator of health or function. We've all seen skinny unhealthy people. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts on this one. Now you have them. I need to be able to visualise my goal in order to motivate myself to reach it. If I were you, I would have a body composition test done as soon as possible. A proper assessment that is, not one involving a fifteen year-old PT with a pair of plastic fat callipers.

Ever your faithful Grasshopper,

EG xxx Hope that helps a little EG ( )

That was fun, so I've decided that I will answer another question (or two) tomorrow.

As always, let me know your thoughts - if you like this style of post (or not), let me know. If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here. Yes, even you scaredy-cat chronic Lurkers and Newbies to the site.

Ciao x

My Life Changing Questions

2009-02-23T17:23:00.004+11:00

Why our questions are important

I have spoken before about the undeniable relationship that exists between the quality of the questions we ask ourselves and the quality of the results we produce in our world; the better the questions, the better the results. It's been a crucial part of my personal development journey and an area which has been a constant work in progress. When we consciously and consistently ask ourselves better questions, a few things happen:

1. We instantly put ourselves in a better place emotionally and psychologically (and avoid the pity party)

2. We become solution-focused, not problem-obsessed

3. We make better (more logical, intelligent, productive) decisions

4. We become more practical and less theoretical

5. We consciously create our own destiny and shape our own future, rather than merely react to, or cope with, our environment and circumstances

6. We act more consciously and intelligently (we do smarter things)

7. We produce more desirable results in our world

8. Our reality changes for the better

The tough questions

People who consciously choose to ask the smart (and often, hard) questions seek learning, growth, improvement, understanding and better outcomes in their world; they are totally serious about creating positive change - unlike the many who talk too much and do too little. You may know someone like this? Asking these types of empowering and confronting questions requires a level of courage, humility, honesty and self-awareness that can make many of us uncomfortable. Sometimes v-e-r-y uncomfortable. Asking these questions requires us to acknowledge and address our flaws, fears, weaknesses and inadequacies - and for the alpha-male of the species who is taught to hide his weaknesses at all cost - this level of personal exploration and self-examination can be something of a challenge. Trust me on this; I have some personal experience. But the good news is that these types of questions will put the 'asker' in a much more empowered, productive, positive, resourceful and creative state.

The best questions?

So here are the questions that have served me well over my journey. They have helped me to keep moving in the right direction, to keep my feet on the ground, to stay humble and aware, to maximise my limited talent, to identify and deal with my weaknesses and to produce some good results. Remember, this is not some generic list that will be appropriate for everyone. There is no universal 'best question list' but there is 'my best list' - and this is it. I don't have a copyright or monopoly on these questions, so feel free to make them your own, should you find any of them to be meaningful or relevant to your situation.

My Top Ten Questions...

1. Do I need this food, or do I want it? Food has always been one of my biggest challenges. I love food but it hasn't always loved me. For me, the fat teenager is only a decision away. I have had numerous torrid affairs in my time - all with food. As many of you know, my current mistress is baked cheesecake and she is indeed a seductive and tasty partner. Fortunately I only pay her a visit about once a month, lest I be a whopper. A big unit. A Craigasoarous. This question (and my subsequent honest response and appropriate behaviours) has helped me stay in shape (mostly) for the last thirty years. And remember:

" Nothing tastes as good as being in shape feels"

2. How am I perceived by others? The truth is that most of us are pretty unaware (sometimes at least) when it comes to knowing how others see us. As a teacher, coach, business owner, writer, blogger, corporate speaker, radio and TV presenter, it's crucial that I have at least some idea of how I come across to others. Am I connecting or confusing? Am I engaging or alienating? Am I funny or simply annoying (it happens)? Am I motivating or intimidating? Are they celebrating or tolerating me? For someone in the communication business, I simply have to be able to create real connection and understanding with others and if I have no idea of how I am perceived by them, then that ain't gonna happen. I need to see what they see.

3. How am I contributing to this problem? I'm usually part of the problem - even when my ego doesn't want to acknowledge it. The quicker I can ask this question, the quicker I can move towards a solution. Inhabiting a mindset which won't allow me to even consider that I play some role in the perpetuation of the problem is a dangerous place to live. Yes, there are some exceptions to this rule, but they are in the minority.

4. What can I learn from this experience? I have produced many less-than-desirable outcomes on my journey, made some monumental stuff-ups, been treated badly by people I loved and trusted, and made numerous stupid decisions. Call me human. Of course bad things happen to good people and of course the world is not a fair place at times, but the key in all of this is what we learn, how we evolve and how we deal with that (type of) situation next time. Fortunately, things (in my world) only have the meaning I give them, so I choose to call all of my experiences - positive or negative - lessons. I can get angry and frustrated, or I can get educated and enlightened. I can overcome or I can be overcome. It's a choice.

5. What do I want? For me it's always been important to have clarity and certainty about what I want and don't want in and for, my life; my family, my relationships, my career, my health, my business, my spiritual life and my contribution as a conscious and conscientious member of the society in which I live. What I will do, who I will be, what I will become. I never wanted to be one of those people who stumble and bumble their way through a life that they despise - while never actually doing anything about it. I have always done my best to live a life consistent with my values and beliefs - haven't always nailed it, but I won't fail because I'm not having a go. I am often saddened by the number of people who have no goals and who can't tell me what their 'best life' looks like. If they were happy and fulfilled it wouldn't sadden me but they're not, they are miserable passengers and spectators.

6. Why do I want it? The motives behind my goals will tell you more about me than the goals themselves. The 'why' is more important than the 'what'. It's important that when we set ourselves goals, we explore the why behind our what, so we can learn more about ourselves. Sometimes when we discover the why (why we want to achieve a certain thing), our what (what we want to achieve), will change because we realise that the achievement of that goal won't really give us what we're chasing on a deeper level. Like the person who loses thirty five kilos (77lbs), has some surgery and buys the new wardrobe... only to discover that he/she is still miserable because genuine happiness was never about the external.

7. Why and how do I self-sabotage? If you're like I was for a long time then you're probably pretty good at getting in your way, shooting yourself in the foot, wasting your talent, putting things off, leaning on the self-destruct button and 'almost' doing things. You might wanna get over that. Quickly. You probably have enough hurdles without being one yourself!

8. What do I have to be thankful for? Plenty! I have a great life and I have much to appreciate and enjoy. Sometimes (okay, often) when we're in the middle of a challenge we completely lose perspective of what we have and we can easily turn small issues into monumental problems. All we need for a little perspective at the moment (Feb, 2009) is to watch the TV (here in Australia) and listen to the bushfire survivors talk for a few minutes. That should do it. It's smart to plan for the future, but it's even smarter to appreciate and be thankful for what we have in the now... 'cause that's where we live.

9. How do I need to change to be my best self? Physically, emotionally, socially, psychologically, spiritually? What are my faults and what am I doing about them? What are the destructive habits, behaviours and beliefs I need to address?

10. If not now, when? I'm, not suggesting that any of us should jump into things without thinking it through logically, but what I am saying is that too many people over-think, over-talk, over-plan and under-do. They die waiting for the right time - which of course never comes. I stopped waiting for the perfect time long ago; for the most part, it doesn't exist. Not in my world anyway. Creating great results is less about 'the time' and more about 'the attitude'. Like many other variables, time is simply a convenient cop-out for many.

I'm sure you have some thoughts, comments or even some fave questions of your own. Johnny will send a book, DVD, CD or T-shirt (your choice) to the commentor who pushes my buttons the most. If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here.

Ciao x

Problem People

2009-02-20T09:12:00.001+11:00

G'day Groovers. Hope you're well and doing your best to be the solution, not the problem.

You do know that some people are 'problem people' right? When they don't have a problem, they feel lost because they're actually addicted to the drama, the attention and the sympathy that comes with their (so called) problems. They don't want solutions, they want an audience. These folk are pretty easy to identify because they typically have a pathetic look on their face, slumped shoulders, a grey cloud hanging over their head and an endless supply of woe-is-me stories for your listening (dis)pleasure. If you are unfortunate enough to get caught alone with one of them, whatever you do, don't point him/her towards a logical solution to their many problems because if you do, then you'll be introduced to their alter egos; the Rationaliser, the Ranter, the Justifier, the Blamer, the Embellisher and the Excuse Maker - all very unlikable types and known collectively as the Pain in the Ass. So if, in the course of your travels today, you happen across someone with a Cumulonimbus hovering just above their scone, (who said I wasn't listening in year nine?) take a left turn, keep going and don't look back. And just to keep yourself grounded, you may wanna take an occasional peek above your own head. Just a thought.

Enjoy your weekend and watch out for you know what. And who.

Did I just write a brief post? Shit! Go me...

As always, let me know your thoughts on Problem People. Even you Chronic Lurkers and Newbies. Does the above remind you of anyone in your world? If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here.

Ciao x

Motivational Speaker - Craig Harper

Who Am I? (Part 2)

New "Getting to Know You" Questions

Who Am I? (Part 1)

Random Friday Stuff

Taking Back Your Personal Power (Part 2)

Taking Back Your Personal Power (Part 1)

Personal Branding

Advice From Your Folks; Parental Gold

I'm Sorry You're not Sorry.

Life Doesn't Get Better; We Do.

Thoughts on Exercise (Audio Post)

A Tribute to a Friend

Why We Get Fat After We Get Skinny

The Test is not the Test

Is That The Wheels of Progress?

Don't Die With Your Music Still in You

The Fight in the Dog

How to Stay Young

For My World to Change, First I Must Change

Time To Prioritise

Why We're all Unique... and the Same.

Making the same Mistakes

Weighing Kids at School

What if She was a He?

The Argument; a Waste of Time and Energy

Thoughts on Wealth

Being Solution-Focused

Patience

Busy Boy

Instinctive Intelligence - Knowing Without Thinking (part 1)

An Interview with a Freak. A Nice Freak.

2009... 1/4 down, 3/4 to go.

Moving Towards Consciousness and Calm - the last bit (for now)

Moving Towards Consciousness and Calm; the Next Bit

Moving Towards Consciousness and Calm

Using Music to Escape the Cerebral Chaos

Twenty Three Things You Ladies (Probably) Won't Hear From Your Bloke

A letter to the Parent Blamers of the World

Five Ways to Create Momentum

The Two Minute Workout

Hanging out with Eckhart Tolle

Improving Exercise Productivity

Listening

Why is Oprah still Over Weight?

Another Reader Question; Dealing with Grief.

Beyond Self-Help; Selfless Help

A New Section on the Site and Our RYL Winner.

A Little Criticism For CHDC...

We Play How We Train

More Reader Questions

Your Questions

My Life Changing Questions

Problem People